Flower Boy (BoyxBoy)

xxxix

edd.

I COULDN'T MAKE THE TEARS STOP. I coughed and sobbed salty tears into my pillow. Confusion and anger pulsed through my body, as well as intrusive thoughts like how good I felt in the beginning, and then where the feeling of his hand on my hip sent me.  How could he kiss me? How could I let him?  The more I think back on it, the more disgusting I feel, not only for expressing any inkling of my feelings for Kevin but also for doing it in front of a group of strangers.

As I thought and cried on my bed, I heard my door slowly creep open. My heart relaxes when I see that it's only Eddy. I look at him from my bed until his eyebrows raise in empathy and his arms open. Releasing all the oxygen I hadn't realized I was holding in my lungs, I ran into his arms.

"I'm sorry, Edd," Eddy sighs into my neck. "I don't know why I let Kevin just kiss you--I don't even know why I made you join the game. I know it's triggering, but, anyway, I'm sorry."

I shake my head.

"I just--I thought it would be good if you hit it off with Kevin. I wanted you--I dunno, I wanted you to like him I guess."

"Eddy," I deadpan, pushing myself out of his grip. "You--You know I have Chris."

He rolls his eyes.

"What?"

"I know you don't like him," he states.  We exchange a look of anger between us; the accuser versus the accused.

I don't know what else to do other than to walk away, hugging myself. "You don't know anything about our relationship."

"Edd, can you stop? Stop acting like Chris is someone you want to be with. We've been friends our whole lives, I know when you're in love and when you're not." Eddy walks toward me and continues, "The longer you play with him, the worse it will be for him."

Without thinking, I smack Eddy's hand away from me. I falter for a second--I've never done that before--but quickly recover. "I. Am. Dating. Chris, Eddy! Stop playing Cupid, and acting like you can even comprehend what I'm thinking. I am intricate! I don't know how to show love and be intimate like everyone else--and Chris is patient with me!"

The tears are falling again. Eddy touches my shoulder, causing me to back into my office desk. Something falls off and shatters, but I can't be bothered to pick it up.

Softly, Eddy says, "Edd... He's not the only person who is willing to love you. Have you ever even taken a second to look around?"

I look at him.

"Do you seriously--Edd, he literally just kissed you."

"He's drunk."

"My big bro always called alcohol a truth serum," Eddy mutters.

"I am not talking about this right now," I state, wiping dry tears off my cheeks with my palms.

Eddy hums. He steps forward slowly and carefully, like he's approaching a feral animal.  "Anyway, everyone's missing you. Come play with us?"

I stare at him.

"Come on. We're just playing drinking games now--we need you."

"No kissing?"

Eddy laughs. "Yeah, no kissing."

He walks ahead of me when we leave my room, but I try to stay close to him. Everyone turns to us when we come out. Eddy doesn't pay any mind and walks around to the other side of the table, where they have set up beer pong. I stand awkwardly in the kitchen looking at my phone.

The boy who decided not to kiss me walks into the kitchen, meeting my eye. I look at the ground.

"Hey," he says. I look up. He rubs his arms nervously and takes a sip of his beer. "Sorry," he continues. "About earlier. It was really immature of me to act like that. I was tipsy and not thinking right."