Flower Boy (BoyxBoy)

xxv

edd.

I WOKE UP TO ABOUT TEN TEXTS FROM CHRIS, ALL SAYING SOME VARIATION OF "I'M SORRY" OR "WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE THIS BETTER".  They made me remember what happened and feel worse about it.  It wasn't his fault.  My brain is at fault, and I'm ashamed of it. 

It's around two o'clock when I finally decide to get up and shower.  Slowly, I walk to my bathroom (as to not wake Eddy).   I let the warm shower water run down my back as I scrub shampoo into my hair and think about today--no matter how much it hurts.  I need to stop myself from reacting the way I did again, so I try to expose myself to those memories again.  At first, I remember memories from my childhood, then the bullies in high school.  They don't make me feel different, so I venture to the only person I know could make me feel this way. 

Suddenly through the darkness under my eyelids, a pair of dark brown eyes with a hollow face surrounding them show up in my mind; a pair of scaly hands running up my thighs and arms following suit.  I open my eyes to get rid of the vision. 

I'm going to throw up, I tell myself, panicking.

I don't think about turning off the shower before opening the shower curtain.  Water goes everywhere, but I disregard it and hurry to the toilet.  In my haste, I on the bathmat and fall onto the tile floor.  I groan, but feeling the sickness in my stomach burning my throat inspires me to crawl my way to the toilet.  The slimy sludge tasted like stomach acid and french vanilla, and it left me in tears due to the pain.

I heard rattling on the doorknob to the bathroom.  "Edd?"

"Don't come in!"  I say hoarsely.  I take a deep breath.  "Please."

"Is everything okay?  I heard a loud thud?"

I force a laugh and stand with shaky legs, looking around at the mess I've made.  "Everything's fine.  I'm sorry, don't-don't mind me."

"Are you sure?  I can help--"

"Really, Eddy, I am fine!  Thank you!"

"Uh, okay."  When I hear the shuffling leave I take a deep breath.  I flush the toilet and hurry to turn off the shower.  The floor is covered with towels in my attempt to soak up all the water on the floor.  I wash my hands thoroughly before brushing my teeth.  During my second attempt at a hot shower, I'm shocked by the water's terribly cold temperature against my back.

"What happened to your cheek?" Eddy asked on our way to the university.

"I fell in the shower," I say, distracted.  "I dropped the bar of soap on the floor."

"That sucks," Eddy says.  He drops me off at the entrance to the school.  "Text me when you're ready, okay?"

I nod, and after he drives away, I walk slowly to my plant sciences class.  I weave between all of the students loitering in the halls without thinking much of it, and into the classroom of Mrs. Hummel, who is standing outside of her room.  She says something to me, probably along the lines of good morning, but I don't really hear her.  I just nod and walk into class, sitting next to my partner.

"Hi, Edd," she says.

I look at her to see she's smiling at me.  I nod.

"How are you?"

"Fine," I say.  "Yourself?"

"I'm good," she says.

I force a smile.  "That's great."

She looks like she wants to say something, but she is interrupted by Mrs. Hummel, who begins to start the class.  I get out my notebook and mechanical pencil and try my best to take notes.

nothing like spilling wine all over your computer while watching Cheo-Yang on netflix

Anyway thank you so much for reading, and if you enjoyed this chapter please give it a vote and maybe even comment if you feel like it!  I appreciate you all so much, and I hope you have an amazing week.  See you next Sunday!