Flower Boy (BoyxBoy)

xxix

kevin.

ON THE WAY BACK TO HIS PLACE, EDD FELL ASLEEP.  Before he fell asleep we were talking a lot about the movie and lots of other things, but I realized pretty quickly that he was tired.  He had his seat warmer on the hottest setting and started to curl up in the seat, like when you put a flower petal under a hairdryer. 

I was still talking when I realized his eyes were closed, which made me laugh at myself.  The drive home was quiet, the only thing playing being some station on SIRIUSXM that Edd chose. Makes sense that he likes indie--he doesn't seem like the type of person to listen to anything too loud. 

I should've stayed at home.

'Cause right now I see all these people that love me but I still feel alone, 

can't help but check my phone.

I glance at Edd and smile when I notice his sleeping face.  His lips are puckered slightly because of his cheek pressed against the seat, and his eyebrows are furrowed--it's kind of cute. I hum and return my eyes to the road. "Cute."

This is a really good song, but the more I listen to it the more I hate it.  Everything this singer says seems to feel a lot more important or interesting than lyrics usually are to me.  I listen to music as background noise while I'm walking or doing something that takes concentration so usually words just sound like gibberish.  Now I'm listening to every word this artist has to say, and it feels... it sounds like me.

"You have now arrived at your destination," my phone says in a British accent. "Thank you for practicing safe driving."

With a deep sigh, I park my car and face Edd. "We're here, Edd," I announce, but he's still sleeping.  I know I should wake him up.  I almost do, but as soon as I'm about to touch his shoulder, I stop.  Instead, my hand rests on the seat and I find myself leaning forward to look at him closer than I'll ever be able to see again.  

His face is completely clear and porcelain white, reflecting his long black eyelashes and well-groomed eyebrows.  His top lip is thinner than his bottom, making a beautiful Cupid's bow.  His cheeks are blushing from the heat coming from his seat, which I assume is what's also making his eyebrows scrunch together.

And that's because I wanna be your favorite boy.

I wanna be the one that makes your day,

The one you think about as you lie awake.

I can't wait to be your number one;

I'll be your biggest fan and you'll be mine

But I still wanna break your heart and make you cry...

The thought of "Maybe I'm getting a little too close," pops into my mind for a millisecond before I brush it away.  Suddenly, his eyebrows furrow a little more and he shakes his head.

I have never in my life been as terrified as I was at that moment.  As soon as I saw Edd move, I whipped myself back into my seat, pressing my back into the seat unnaturally as I fumble with my phone.  When my eyes decide to cautiously venture back to Edd's general area, I see that he's still sleeping. 

As my heart rate comes down, I sigh and rub my face roughly with my trembling hands.  When the embarrassment leaves me, I peak through my fingers at Edd.  That was way too close.  What the fuck was I doing?  

Whatever it was, I can't do that again.  I call Edd's name a few times before I reluctantly shake him awake.  "Edd, wake up.  Edd."  Slowly, his eyes open and he sits up, looking around like he forgot what was going on.