Manan ff : College Diaries

chapter 19 . Love v /s Hatred ( a )

Entering the washroom, I closed the door behind me.
Leaning on the wall, I really tried hard to control my tears.
Me ( angrily ) : stop it Nandini! !!!!.....tu uss aurat ke liye roo rahi hai. ...joh kabhie Maa kehlane ke laayak hi nehin thi! !!!!!......unn ke pass option tha. ....and she chose to leave us all! !!!!.....she left us! !!!!.....she abandoned me! !!!!......she was not a good mother. ....she never will be a good mother. ...she is just a spineless women. ....and I hate her. ...

Nandini's Flash Back. ....

Sitting on her mother's  lap, a five year old Nandini, constantly played with her Maa's long hair.
Maa  (lovingly ): Nandu baby. ...Maa loves you. ....Maa loves you a lot. ....main aap ko kabhie chhod ke nehin jaungi! !!!!.....aap mere liye sab kuch ho. ...aap mere liye. ....meri duniya ho Nandu! !!!!
A small Nandini, just listened to these sweet words with glittery eyes, not at all understanding there meaning.
While Nandini's mother, kissed her chubby cheeks lovingly.

Nandini's Flash Back end's. .......

After her mother left, Nandini turned a loner, shutting each and every person out of her life.
'Nandu ' was the pet name given by her Maa, which she started to hate. Day by day, Nandini's hatred for her mother increased. The wounds her mother gave, not only destroyed Nandini's childhood, but was also poisoning her from inside.
Nandini always felt that, because she loved her mother so much, that's why she got hurt. So, the easy way of never getting hurt ,is to avoid love. That's why Nandini was scared of loving anyone, because she never wanted to lose that person. With love came attachment and relationship, which Nandini never wanted to experience. In short, she never wanted to experience love. According to Nandini, the only meaning of love ,was pain .
Nandini ( shattered ): kya kaha tha unn hone. ....ki kabhie bhi mujhe chhod ke nehin jaengi! !!!!.....jhuthi thi woh! !!!!.....sab unnke tarah hi jhuthe hai! !!!!.....akhir mein har koi chhod ke chala jataa hai! !!!!.....pyaar, rishta. ...kuch bhi sacch nehin hota hai! !!!....BE STRONG NANDINI. ....love is just a weakness. ....and you can't afford to be weak! !!!!!!!

On the stage. ....
For half an hour, Nandini was nowhere to be seen and Manik was getting restless.
Manik ( pov ) ( tensed ) : yeh kaha chali gayi? ????.....gosh. ....Manik. ...kya zarurat thi tujhe usse itna gussa dilane ki! !!!!
Cabir ( sarcastically ) : kya hua Majnu? ????....teri Laila kaha hai? ????
Manik ( not interested ) : gussa ho gayi! !!!!
Cabir ( blurted out ) : phir se. ...
Manik just nodded his head in a yes, with despair.
Cabir : yaar. ...woh itni pyaari si hai. ....tu usse kaise gussa dila deta hai? ????
Manik gave Cabir his shut -your -fucking -mouth wala look.
Cabir ( apologetic ) : okay. ...shant ho jaa! !!!!!....aise hungry lion wala look mujhe maat de. ...because I am not your prey. ....Nandini is! !!!!
Manik ( annoyed ) : kabhie toh serious ho jaa ....meri yaha pein phati paddi hai. ....aur tujhe mazaak sujh raha hai! !!!!!
Cabir ( giggling ) : Nandini ka jawab nehin. ...uss ne tere kya haal baana diya! !!!!
Manik ( angrily ) : Cabir. ...
Cabir : gadhe. ...Cabir. ...Cabir karna chhod! !!!.....waha dekh Nandini aa rahi hai......