Hold On, I'll See You Again

You Make It Bearable

I awoke to a nurse standing by me checking my pulse and Dan flapping a towel in front of my face. I start to hyperventilate as I recall what had last been said to me by Doctor Brown. "Good Lord, Sir! Slow down your breathing or else you'll pass out again!" I tried. I tried so hard. I couldn't until Dan plopped himself on the floor in front of me and calmly instructed me to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. After my breathing was under control, the nurse left. Dan sat down behind me on the bed and weaved his fingers through my hair as I leaned on his chest. "He said it can't be cured. He said I won't make it over one more year. That means I need to stay here for the rest of my life. Go through chemo." "One thing is wrong. We get some days to go out. I shall take you somewhere sometime soon to forget the world. Forget our problems. I know what you're going through. That's my deadline, too." I turn to look at him. "It is?" He nods and then pulls me into a hug. We stay like that until the sun goes down. We both lie down beside each other on the bed, Dan on one edge and me on the other. I lean over and pull him to my chest, longing for the comfort of holding someone. That was how we fell asleep that night, clinging onto each other for dear life.

I woke up to find that Dan and I had switched positions. Now I was being spooned by him. What a lovely feeling. He stirred a bit and tucked his head into the back of my neck. How cute, but I really had to pee. I carefully got out of bed, careful not to wake him. I came back to find him still peacefully asleep. I decided to look out the window to see what there was to see. Nothing much. Just the view of the front of the hospital's parking lot. Boring, but at least there was about half of a foot of snow. Dan sat up and stretched, a cute, little yawn escaping his lips. "You stay there, Dan. I'll get us breakfast." "Mh. Thanks. But ah, Phil? You might want to get dressed in actual clothes now." Did I have real clothes? Nope. Just the pair I wore to the hospital the first night. Crap. Got to fix that. I grabbed my old clothes and changed back in the bathroom. I returned to the room to put my gown away, and walked over to the cafeteria. Grabbing hash browns, orange juice, cereal, and bacon (enough for two people), I carried the two trays back to my room. Dan was busy setting up Attack On Titan for us to watch. He finished, and we both climbed back in bed with our breakfast. We began eating as the theme song came on, stopping to sing along. We finished our breakfast and put the trays on the table. Dan sat up and pulled me onto his lap so we could cuddle while watching our second episode of Attack On Titan. "Hey, Dan?" "Hm?" "Do you, um... have a girlfriend?" He snorts and starts uncontrollably laughing. "Dan?" "Oh, Phil. I'm a flaming homosexual. Girlfriend is not in my vocabulary." "Oh! Ok." "Why?" Still lying against him, I squirmed a bit in nervousness. "Phil?" "Well, um. Do you have a boyfriend then?" "Heh. Not since a year ago. Why?" Should I? "No reason."

He smiled and wrapped his arms around me as I snuggled into him. We stayed that way for a good hour before I remembered I needed to do some stuff. "Um, Dan?" "Yea?" "I need clothes. This is my only pair. And a shower." "Ew, ok Phil. You can borrow a pair of my clothes. There's a communal shower down the hall by the toilets. I need one too." We grabbed similar outfits from Dan's closet (including underwear since we had similar bodies), I quickly ran back to my place to grab a towel and some soap, and we walked over to the showers. The individually walled showers were a bit roomy, so I disrobed in mine and placed my old and new clothes along with my towel outside the shower. I probably shouldn't have been in there when I turned on the shower, for as soon as I did, a blast of ice cold water hit my back.

"WHAT THE!" I screamed as I jumped out of the path of the water. I heard Dan's hyena-ish laughter from the shower next to me. "Oops. Must've forgotten to tell you that it takes a bit for the water to warm up here. Sorry, mate." I shivered as I stood there waiting. I heard Dan turn on his shower, and soon enough, some warm water started flowing from the shower head. Much better. I quickly lathered up and washed thoroughly before turning off the water. I reached out from the side of the curtain to get my towel. Wrapping it around my waist to be decent, I walked out with my soap and clothes over to the benches nearby the showers. I guess this makes it more like a locker-room than a communal shower area. I quickly dried off and put on Dan's underwear and pants. They fit surprisingly perfectly! I put on some socks and shoes before turning around to grab my shirt, but when I did, I saw Dan staring at my exposed torso, bearing the jagged scar across the left side.

"Damn." he muttered. My stomach did that flip-y thing as his gaze raked over my semi-toned chest and stomach. "W-what?" "Hm?" He shook his head as he snapped back into reality and sat on the bench opposite of me to change. I turned around to put my shirt on and to give him some privacy. "So, Dan. What do you want to do today?" I said, saving us from the awkward silence. "Well, we could hang in the lounge area again. Their computers are just like any regular one, so we can play pc games on it." "Sounds great! What games were you thinking of?" I turned around to see him evilly smirking as he whispered, "Five Nights At Freddy's." "Oh no." "Oh yes. U-unless of course you don't want to, which is totally fine by me." "Well..." He looks at me expectantly. "Let's do it!" And I ran out of there quick as a rabbit as I sped back to my room to drop off my stuff. Dan was close behind. After dropping my stuff on my bed, I walked out to find Dan doubled over and panting heavily. "Phil, *pant* don't *pant* ever make me *pant* run again! *pant*. He slides down until he's seated on the floor. I must admit that I was also out of breath, but also in a great amount of pain from the surgery and the running. "I'll be back. Pain meds." I scrambled into my room and downed two pills along with a glass of water. My lungs felt like they were being ripped to shreds. I sat there for a bit until Dan called out, asking if I was ok. "Yea. Just... Give me a few minutes." He walked in on me lying on the ground, gripping my chest in pain. "Phil! Oh God are you ok? I shouldn't have let you run. Oh dear. Are you hurt?" "I'm fine. Just in ugh a little... ugh... bit of pain." "I'm calling Doctor Brown." And five minutes later, Doctor Brown and a nurse ran into the room.

Doctor Brown said he needed to get me back to the operating room right then, so I was hoisted onto a wheelchair and rushed back to the hard bed with the privacy curtains. They once again gave me an IV, and put me to sleep for a bit. I woke up in a bit less pain than before, and Dan was sitting beside me on a chair, holding my hand. "Oh gosh Phil! Please don't ever run again." I looked closer to see that his eyes were puffy and a bit red, and that there were tear streaks across his cheeks. "Dan, why are you crying? Did they yell at you?" "*Sniff* No. I just didn't like seeing you in that much pain. All because of me." I rolled onto my side so that I was now facing him. "Daniel Howell, you were not the cause of this pain." He looked at me sadly. "I was the one who avoided the doctors, I was the one who got the tumor due to that, and I was the one who decided to race you. None of this is your fault, Dan. None of it. Now come here so I can give you a hug." He stood up and rushed over to lightly squeeze me. I tightly hugged him back, enjoying the comfort of his embrace. "I just wish you didn't have to go through this, Phil. You're such a kind, gentle, sweet person, and you being stuck here isn't right." "But you know what, Dan?" He looked at me, those beautiful, brown eyes capturing me. "What?" I took his hand, "You make it bearable," and I kissed it.