Hold On, I'll See You Again

Dan?

It's been a month since Dan's death, and I haven't been back to normal ever since. I've gone through two more rounds of chemo in that time, but it's been hard without Dan. I find myself crying into a pillow every night, imagining that it was actually Dan's shoulder. I've been eating very little each day, barely half a meal to be precise. I've lost so much weight, and the doctors know it, too. They keep putting me on IVs when I go in for checkups, but I don't want them. I don't want any of this! All I want is Dan to be back!

Peej and Chris stop by every morning to check on me and to get me to eat my daily half-breakfast. I'm thankful for them and their companionship, but it's not the same as when I had Dan. Today, I woke up to someone knocking at my door. I stood up, wearing my pajama bottoms and one of Dan's t-shirts, and opened the door. Chris and Peej stood on the other side of it with my breakfast and a stuffed bear. I smiled a bit and asked them to come in. "So, Phil? I hate to tell you this, but Peej and I are being released from the hospital today." "But... But what about Peej's memory?" "It's almost back to normal, and him going to see his family during the holidays brought most of it back. I am emotionally stable and no longer addicted, so I'm good to go as well." I numbly clutched the bear, my breakfast forgotten. "Peej and I need to go now. A bus is waiting to take us." They both gave me hugs and slowly left as I sat unresponsive.

Once the door closed, I put my breakfast on the ground, laid on my bed with the stuffed bear, and willed for sleep to come. It came, but at a terribly slow rate.

I woke up to nurses swarming me. I tried to move, but I had no control of my body. I then felt myself float out of my "body" and hover above it. They were carrying me onto a stretcher, rushing me out of my room. I tried to call out to them, but they couldn't hear me. I looked at my body and saw it was deathly pale. I followed the team of nurses to the emergency wing and into a room. I actually got to go inside since I can now apparently move through walls????? The heart rate machine was slowly beeping as once again they tried to save a young man with an emo haircut. Only this time, it was me. I sat and watched from above as they rushed around, trying everything in their power to save me.

I found it relaxing, almost. Seeing that death is coming upon me. I can let go of all of the pain, all of the loss. The heart rate monitor slowed even more as the seconds ticked by. "Hold on, Dan, I'll see you again," I said. I turned around and saw him, Dan, standing by me. "But it's too soon to see you again, Phil. I wanted you to stay down here, alive." "But the pain, the loss. It was all too much for me." I grasped both of his hands and looked into his eyes. They were the same eyes I've always looked into, but somehow they were even more beautiful. "You're still wearing the ring?" I asked, surprised. "Well, so are you." I looked down and saw the ring on my finger, happiness finally entering me after all this time.

"So what do we do now, Dan?" "Well, you know how you wanted us to be together?" I nodded. "Now we can, Phil. Now we can."