A Match Made In Jannah

Chapter 23

Me: Don't joke around Maariah! This is serious!

Maariah: I'm not lying Husna! He loved me, I loved him, and then he cruelly dropped me like I was worth nothing for some easy girls he would meet at the parties.

Me: Maariah why didn't you tell me this? We've known each other's secrets for ages and I've told you every single tit bit of my life... I thought it was mutual.

Maariah: Husna, you don't understand. When I was sixteen I began to mix with the wrong crowd and you were way too pious for me to tell this to. I mean, I know you had Luke when you were 12 , but this way much more than that. I met him at a party and it started from there. I couldn't tell you!

Me: But Maariah I told you everything! You knew everything about me and you never judged me. Why would I judge you?

Maariah: Of course I didn't judge you, because you liked a good, halal boy in a good halal way. There's nothing to judge there. And I know you would have lectured me endlessly if I had told you. Besides, you believed I had never been in love and I wanted to keep it that way

Me: But you didn't tell anyone and it must have consumed you right? How?

Maariah: Umm I did tell someone... Quite a few people actually. I told Aaliyah, Ameera, Sameeha and Layyah. Just not you

I sighed, deeply offended but still aware of end goal. I'd always had an issue with our relationship in comparison to her other relationships, but I was mature enough to brush it aside for now. Besides, pretty soon I'd be the one blanking her out because my best friend and soul mate was with me. That sounds harsh, but even though she would always be my best friend, my husband would be the one I loved and cherished most. He'd be there for me through thick and thin. He would not just be a friend, but the beginning and end of my family.

Me: Maariah, I get that you met him, and that you met at a party, but to be honest, I really don't understand how you got to the party in the first place, and secondly, why this means you fell in love. He met every girl at a party.

Maariah: Well, let me tell you the story then. I was with those girls from school that you know I had a hard time mixing with, but tried to anyway. Everyone called us the Mean Girls gang because they were popular, cool and attended only the hottest parties. So when Adam, Nabeel's friend, invited them to his house party, like duh they were going to go. I was surprise when they dragged me along with them, because I was so not pretty or popular.

Me: Sheesh, you never did tell me about the MG squad besides that you hated them. NOT THAT YOU WENT PARTYING WITH THEM!!!

Maariah: See? That's exactly why I didn't want you to know. You'd be ashamed at how haraam I was becoming. And no, sneaking out of the house isn't as hard as it seems. Just wait till your parents are asleep, lock your door, switch off the alarm and walk out. Then, come back home before they wake up, set the alarm again, and then go back to bed. They'll never know.

Me: I thought this just happened in Kuch Kuch Hotha Hai. Not in really life!

Maariah: Well I did it okay?! And I regret it, but it is a part of my past.

Me: So, anyways, you were saying about Nabeel.

Maariah: When we met, he was a pretty timid boy. Still hot, savage and flirty, but young and naïve. It was his first party because Adam and Nabeel had just become friends, and it was my second party, where O just sat in the corner and tried to avoid dancing and drinking. Of course, being the good Muslim girl I was, I wore my scarf to every party. Well, mostly every party, up until Nabeel and I broke up. It was an ordinary party at first, but then this cheeky, handsome guy slides up next to me and tries to talk to me. Even though I thought he was just another one of those teenage dirtbags, I spoke to him but made it frank. I found out that he didn't want to be at the party, but did it just to look cool. Like me. I told him my name was Asma, because I couldn't shame the Motala name, but later on when we started dating he knew it was Maariah. Still, for the sake of privacy, everyone in those circles called me Asma. We went out very infrequently because we were trying to maintain the little bit of halalness that we had, but we often went to the mall dressed like your typical Muslim married couple, and when we wanted to be less halal, we would go to the movies or something equally cheesy. This one time when we were at the movies, we watched Titanic, and he turned to me at the cheesiest part and said, "Maariah, I love you. I love you so much and I'm so grateful to you for rescuing me that night."
I turned to him and replied, "Nabeel, I love you more than you could ever love me and one day we'll get married and seal our love in a halal way."
That night we shared the most intimate moment yet, because we admitted our feelings for each other. He became my everything and I was his everything.

Me: Maariah, you're crying. Please stop. You don't have to carry on...

Maariah: No Husna, I have to tell you the truth. Nabeel told me he loved me and then a week later I saw him kissing another girl at a party. Do you call that love?

Me: He already told me this. You don't have to put yourself through the pain of reliving the memories again. Forget it.

Maariah: Well yes I am going to forget it but Husna, please say no. Say no for my sake. Say no because now you know what kind of person he is.

Me: He already told me what he used to be.

Maariah: So you're fine with marrying my ex? Husna if he could do that to me then what is he capable of doing to you? Be honest with yourself, is this the kind of man you want to marry? Is he really the father you want for your children? I know how much marriage means to you, so don't make a decision right now. You still have time to think and make up your mind, so give it some time. You've always wanted Zaid, so forget about Nabeel. Think about Zaid.

Me: Maariah, I only think about Zaid. Zaid, Zaid, Zaid! I want to move on now, and I can only move on with Nabeel or my husband... Who will definitely not be Zaid.

Maariah: How do you know? Just make dua.

Me: And what have I been doing for the past 4 years? I've made dua for this already and it hasn't come my way, so I've decided to move on and start living my life. Taqdeer works in mysterious ways and I feel like since Nabeel and I have so much in common and we feel a spark, I could take it further. Zaid is happy with Hafsa. Let him be happy and go on. We're both dealing with the grief in some way or the other. He deserves to be happy and so do I, and I found that happiness in Nabeel.

Maariah: (sings) I won't lie to you, I know he's just not right for you.

Me: He honestly has changed, I can tell you.

Maariah: But remember the ayat says "Pure men are for pure women" and not that changed men are for good women. You've spent your whole life trying to be the role model Muslimah, yet he has partied, probably been drunk, hooked up with so many girls and done every vice in the book. You deserve better.

Me: Maybe that's not what the ayat means. Yes we feel like if we guarded our chastity we should get someone who did the same, but what if his taubah was so accepted by Allah that despite his past, he is much  purer than me. Maybe he has the cleanest heart through the grace of Allah.

Maariah: Still, think about your past and his. Don't settle for someone easy. Anyway, at least I've told you now, so you are aware of what he is capable of. I just don't want you to get hurt. Just make Istikharah and give them the reply in a few days. The reply will be 'no' of course!

Me: If I say no why do I have to make Istikharah?

Maariah: Urgh just listen to what I'm saying, which is give yourself some time.

Me: Yeah, that's the thing. I already told them that I said 'yes'...