A Match Made In Jannah

Chapter 19

Nabeel's POV

"I'm sorry Husna. I did this when I was 16, as I said, but it's been haunting me ever since. You don't deserve someone like this. You're so pure and innocent."

She looked at me with a mixture of pity and sarcasm.

"Nabeel, I'm not exactly pure now, am I? I've done things in my life that I'm not proud of either, and it isn't fair for you to tell me your story and I don't tell you mine. Still, if you don't want to know, we can continue talking and then I'll make a decision," she said.

"Look, if it makes you uncomfortable, don't tell me. I don't mind provided it isn't worse than mine. I mean, it's difficult to get worse than that now. But if you feel that it will make getting into this potential relationship easier and purer, by all means, do tell me. I feel it would, but it's your choice. And Husna, know that no matter what you did, Allah is so merciful and kind that he'll forgive you and provide you with a fresh start. After I messed up my life, I decided to spend a year with a Maulana to sort out my Islaah and Tarbiyyah, and he told me that despite my past I could become a Wali of Allah. Never forget that," I responded gently. She began telling her story then, and by the end of it, I couldn't do anything but smile broadly because her innocence knew no bounds. Even after hearing what I did, she still felt bad about her mistakes.

Husna's POV

I knew that I was being petty, but I'd always felt the burden of my past pressing on my shoulders like a load I was unable to carry.

I remember the time when I, a naïve twelve year old, had attempted to seduce a boy and gain my first boyfriend. He wasn't the ideal package, but till today, I'll never badmouth him to anyone, because that experience taught me a lot. It is safe to say that I wouldn't have been the person I was today had it not been for him.

My twelve year old drama started off when I decided to tell a boy that I didn't really like - although I made myself believe I did - that I liked him. I hadn't thought much about the consequences, the emotions and the end result of my plan, which is why I jumped headlong into something I was incapable of handling. After I convinced the boy, Luqmaan, although everyone called him Luke, that I really did like him, we began to talk, much to his dislike. I could see he didn't like the fact that I had a crush on him, so the next time he asked, I denied my 'feelings' and we continued to talk as friends. Our conversations slowly became longer, deeper and more personal, until I was sure that I could make a move on him. One day, while I was strategically planning what I would do, something set in. It was haraam. My future could be affected by this. He had pictures of me that I couldn't delete. He had my secrets, my fears, my hopes and my dreams bottled up in a jar in his mind. He had a part of me. And that part of me was meant to stay with me and only be given to one person.

My future husband

Whom I then believed would be Zaid

I hated myself and everyone else because I knew I was in a predicament. Still, I took the hard path, wrote him a traditional break up text although we weren't dating, and sent it to him. Then I blocked him. According to my friends he had just shrugged and acted as if he didn't care. And I knew he didn't. I had just been a side show for him; a puppet who would dance on his strings.

I remained clean for some time, devoting my attention and love to my religion and occasionally, bands and celebrities, astaghfirulla. That was until I began to receive DMs from boys on Instagram, and although I did tell them that I didn't speak to boys, this did not desist them from their games. Soon I began to respond with short, frank messages, and over time this turned into a game. I would reply to whoever I wanted to until I was bored, and then move onto another boy. I never did get into a romantic relationship, but I had lost my Izzah (respect).

One boy with whom I had pursued a conversation turned into my best friend, and when I realised that the guilt was not eating at me any longer, that's when I knew I had messed up my life and my heart. I needed to find a way out, but he was the only person I could ask and completely trust.

It ended one day. We both went our separate ways with college, university and marriage, yet till today I wonder what he has done with his life. He was my best friend, after all, and the fact that I still felt no guilt hurt me.

"And Nabeel, there was this one other boy whom I loved so much I can't even describe. I've liked him for over 6 years now, except he is also getting married. I need to move past it, but I need you to know that I am currently stuck in this vicious circle of trying to escape my emotions. I'll get over him one day I hope, and I promise I'll do my best to love you more than I loved him," I said quietly, not daring to look him in the eye.

Now that both of us had spilled the secrets of our past, we could make our decisions. I was afraid he would reject me because of my past, but I knew I could forgive him.

My biggest fear was my love for Zaid.

You can only fall in love once, and I have fallen in love with Zaid. How then, can I place a man who loves me into this love triangle?

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Author's Note:

Assalamualaikum

I haven't written an author's note in ages, but today I noticed that we have reached 1.25K reads. Wow! I never would have thought people would take a liking to this book but Jazakallah to all you fabulous people for your amazing contribution. This book would be nothing without you.

Please don't forget to read, vote, comment and follow. Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

Due to the astonishing number of reads, I wrote a much longer post today (1198 words to be exact) and I do hope you wonderful readers are pleased about that.

Thought of The Chapter:

Nabeel's words to Husna about Allah being the most forgiving and that there is always hope has made me contemplate my life and the life I wish to lead. Every one of us are sinners and need just a flicker of hope for a brighter future, so I leave you with one of my favourite quotes:

"Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future"