Cause You are Mine

Blank

I lost the fight with my thoughts to find who really I am. So I shuffled myself to the living room and stood by the window which was from floor to the ceiling embracing whole city in front of me. Two hands wrapped around my waist, a nose snuggling my neck startled me from my daydream.

"How are you?" a husky voice awakened me from my thoughts.

"Fine" I tried to smile.

I was lost. I didn't know who I was and never had the balls to ask the person behind me who he was to me but I sidled him more closing the distance between our bodies.

"Why am I here?" I asked

I sensed him stiffened behind me and distanced himself from my body leaving me without his warm embrace.

"Babe, you're here because, before I lost you you were mine and I hope that you will be again. Sooner you heal the faster we bond imminently. And you have only two more questions left for the day" I sensed him snickered.

"I am fine. My arms don't bother me, what I am scared of is my mind. What if I tried to kill myself because of something I did or maybe you did something horrible to me?" My eyes filled with tears.

"No no no. Neither you nor I did anything horrible. Please leave those ridiculous suspicions aside." He soothed me. I turned around and faced him. His eyes were filled with worry.

"Did-did you love me?" I whispered trying to hide my flushed red face with my hair down.

He inhaled slowly and lifted my face by my chin and stared into my eyes as if he was searching for an answer.

"We were not there yet. I've only known you for a couple of months before you committed suicide."

"How come I moved in with you after a short time then?" I asked. That didn't make any sense. Was I that kind of a woman who easily gives herself to the first guy who shows any interest in her? I didn't feel like it though.

"You already reached your quota of questions for today and it is not even noon" he laughed.

I smiled in disappointment because he refrained from answering my questions hiding behind a stupid reasoning which was to keep my sanity however it was already gone. I needed answers to heal, to remember and to become myself again. This house didn't remind me of anything nor the bodyguards outside. Only the guy named Sal and Damien resembled something familiar but I still couldn't put a name on it. I drifted away from him and sat on the couch, took the remote and began to watch some silly shows on TV.

I heard him shuffling and humming. Soon he left me alone with my questions.

A maid came in asking whether I wanted anything before giving me my medicine. I had a handful of pills three times a day which were supposed to help my brain recover and some painkillers for my arms.

The doctor said that I have incised a lot of carves on my arms. I haven't seen them yet because of the gauze covering my arms which he suggested to keep for a while due to the fact that I might be terrified since they were ugly to look and I was weak to have an esthetic operation to fix the scars.

Why did I carve my arms? I was curious but afraid to find out at the same time. The nurse once told me that it looked like I tried to write something on my sleeves but the stitches she was dressing at that moment hindered the letters to be clearly read. Maybe I didn't commit suicide, maybe it was just a cry for help, maybe the letters that I carved were the hints of my reason to do it.

That was it. I was fed up with my fears. I needed to know. I stood up and left the room in search for scissors to clarify the mystery. As soon as I entered the kitchen the made jumped off the chair she was sitting on.

"Oh! I am sorry I didn't mean to startle you. Please sit down" I said assuring her to return to whatever she was doing before.

"May I help you ma'am?" her accent was a little sharp.

"You are not from here?" I stated.

"No ma'am I am half Russian" she answered meekly.

"Ok. I was looking for some scissors or anything that is sharp enough" I searched the drawers and cabinets for a kit. Knife wouldn't do it cause I might cut the scars which would earn me long boring lectures from Damien and doctor.

"I am sorry but I cannot provide you that" she said firmly this time.

I was surprised by the change on her demeanor.

"Listen I don't have time to argue with you right now. I need the scissors to get rid of these gauze okay?" I sighed impatiently.

"No. I cannot give you anything sharp" she shook her head stubbornly.

I was about to lose my temper. "Listen to me" I said through my greeted teeth.

"Give me the damn scissors. I want to free my arms, they are not wounded anymore so there is no harm on opening them, see?" I tried to reason with her moving my arms up and down but the gaze she's held told me otherwise so I gave up the useless fight and turned back to my room to have a nap.

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I was running down a hill arms open wide to the person who crouched down and laughing.

"Yaaaaay" I screamed happily still running towards the man's arms. There was a woman beside him who was laughing as well. The sun was shining too bright behind her head and darkening her figure for me to examine her.

Then I begin to feel tired, too tired to run even walk anymore, my knees were weakening, all my strength was drained from my body. Everything started to turn black and dark. The man and the woman receded slowly leaving me alone in the middle of nowhere.

I started to scream and held my hand towards them to catch and avert their disappearance.

But I couldn't. I cried loudly and screamed again and again.

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I woke up from my nap and found myself sobbing. I looked around the dark room I was sleeping in. It was a nightmare. My heart was fluttering. I got up and left the room. When I entered the living room the ground lights were on emitting a soft light. The city was alive behind the window. The maid was nowhere to be seen.

This was how my life was before? Was I always by myself alone waiting for Damien to show up? The doctor told me that I was 20 so that meant I finished high school. What about college? If I've only met Damien a couple of months ago, then how did I earn my life? Was I rich as Damien is or did I work somewhere? Whatever I did with my life I certainly must have had friends.

But if I had friends why didn't they try to contact with me?

I decided to dig this out from Damien as soon as he arrives home.