Cause You are Mine

Hope Again

I cannot stop it. It's raining cats and dogs. Storm is getting stronger. But the car is speeding up. Faster and faster. I am shouting to somebody. It's a him. I am fighting with him, no jostling. He is trying to calm me down but I am like the storm.

I cannot stop it.

There is a tree slicing the car in the middle and a branch has come through the windshield stuck to his head. Eyes all open and dull. I scream and scream into the dark.

There comes a man out of nowhere. He is getting bigger with each step like a giant stooping over me with sadness and hatred  in his eyes. He starts to shout at me. "You killed her. You killed my life" I look at the boy sitting dead in the car. I am terrified. Who is she he is shouting about?

Sirens. Sirens and heavy rain. Heavier than the rocks beating my shoulders, slapping my face.

Two of them in a row.

"You killed them."

I woke up trembling and sobbing. I observed my surroundings and remembered where I was. I laid back upright and adjusted my eyes to the dark. That was hell of a nightmare so far the most vivid and lucid one.

Then all of a sudden it hit me like a hammer in the head. Ryan. Ryan was dead. My mom was dead. My dad was angry with me. Oh my God I killed them. But why did I do it? The panic and the angst I was feeling for myself began to rise like a bile until it reached my throat urging me to throw up. I ran to the bathroom and puked till I dry heave. I sat on the floor next to toilet for a while. Despite the fact that I was terrified with the reality that I killed my boyfriend and my mom, I feel relieved that I remembered something from my past, even the things which rushed to my mind were not the most pleasantry ones.

I stood up and checked the time on the wall across the room. Six in the morning. I have got nothing better to do than sleeping. I went back to bed. As I laid down the reminiscence of my childhood kept rushing back with crystal clear images. With every vivid memory, my heart filled with joy and happiness.

Those days. Flying a kite at the park near our neighborhood, eating icecream with mint and vanilla. My brother. Ethan. The handsome boy all the girls drooled, carrying me over his shoulder to our home -'our home' that made me yearning for it - while I yelled at him to put me down. Laughing. Laughing out loud.

Mom. Cooking dinner. Looking at us in disapproval yet still amused deeply with this parade going on. She was beautiful, with blue eyes and light brown hair which was tied in a ponytail, just like mine. I was the replica. 

I couldn't stop my tears from falling. With each memory, I shed tears more and more.

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It was nearly afternoon when I woke up for the second time that day.

I headed to kitchen for water. Vera and Sergio who was one of my bodyguards were sitting on the counter across each other and chatting in a low voice. He was a big man with black beard. His eyes were dark and hollow. Somehow I realized that the two had something for each other. Sergio was always the one who came early to breakfast, spending as much time as he can with Vera, drinking fresh orange juice.

I simply saluted them and get a glass of water and left the kitchen. Here comes my day full of activity I thought to myself sarcastically and plopped on the couch in the living room.

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As the sun began to go down , my mood descended, too. I needed to know whether my memories held the truth. Did I really kill my mother and my boyfriend? There should be some newspaper record or any type on knowledge about me on the net. I never dared to ask for a computer or even a smartphone for fear that Damien would get upset however it was due time to have a connection to outer world to clarify the unknowns from my mind.