Cause You are Mine

Carved

It's been 3 days since Damien kissed me and went MIA. I should've known better that he wouldn't have kept his promises. I was depressed to death. If he was treating me like this before my suicide attempt it was easy to guess why I did it. I was bored, sulking and I felt like drowning into the depths of darkness. As if the whole universe became a black hole and swirling me into it. The meaning of living has lost its spark and the trust I had for the joy of being alive has diminished.

I needed to find something to get rid of those awful ideas and occupy myself with any kind of distraction. So, with this new found motivation and fear to lose my mind I got up from the bed to perform my daily routine in the bathroom before I headed to the hallway and started to explore the house in order to find some sort of entertainment.

It was silent except the cutlery's sharp sounds coming from kitchen. The Russian maid was preparing food for me and for the poor bodyguards standing outside the door, in my opinion aimlessly, contrary to Damien's precautions in regard to his paranoid ideas of me being kidnapped or my tryouts of ending my life again. I interrogated the poor lass a few times to learn about the nature of this community that I was in at the moment, which I presume to be a gang or mafia, she always managed to evade my questions and stood aloof.

The house had 3 bedrooms including mine, all of them were decorated simple and plain mostly in cream and white. There was a room for work out which made me to size up my body in the mirror covering the whole wall of the room and I decided to give gym a chance. After an hour on treadmill and air walk, somehow I was filled with serotonin so that I regained my will to live, I left to my room to take a shower.

I hated taking showers since I was discharged from the hospital because of the gauze wrapping my forearms. Every once in a couple of days the maid accompanying me changed them without a trace of expression on her face and refused to show me how it looks while wrapping the material by turning my arms upside down. Whenever I wanted to take a bath or shower I put them in plastic wraps to prevent soaking.

I was very sweaty after my exercise and was about to enter my room when I heard the front door was opened.

My heart fluttered with the idea of seeing Damien, instead Sal was standing by the door his arms wide open waiting for me to hug him. After my arrival to this house Sal became a constant in my life, always trying to lighten up the air, talking about insignificant topics and mostly making me smile at his silly jokes. He was older than Damien and bulkier, if I hadn't known his human side I surely would have scared for my life.

I walked towards him and smiled.

"Hello gorgeous" he said with questioning eyes.

"Hi Sal. I just explored the gym and gave it a try." I satisfied his curiosity.

"I brought a couple of things for you" he showed the bags on the floor. I hurriedly lifted the bags and checked insides. There were books and DVDs. I jumped on his arms and hugged him tightly.

"Sal thank you thank you. You wouldn't know how happy you made me at the moment." He chuckled and hugged me back bending a little down in order to reach my height. I didn't seem petty in the mirror and I was taller than the maid but Sal was huge so I looked like a puppy beside him.

At one of my sulking days, I whined Sal about my boring life and asked him whether reading books or watching movies would be forbidden. Despite my suspicions that Damien wouldn't let him, he brought many of them and I was grateful.

"Hey listen why don't you go take your shower and meet me in the living room". Then he barked to the maid. "Vera where the hell are you? Come get the bags and prepare some junk food for us" he turned to me smiling mischievously "We have a lot to watch and read, yes?" he winked.

I beamed and skipped to my room like a child. While I was preparing my clothes to wear after shower, I examined my arms. I really wanted to get rid of the gauze. I forced to rip them, pull to loosen a bit but it was useless.

So I scurried to living room to ask Sal to remove them. Sal stared at me surprised.

"Sal I want to take off the gauze. My arms are not harmed anymore and it has become a torture to take a shower with these on my arms" I said pleadingly.

He hesitated and mumbled something that I couldn't understand. I looked him in the eye.

He exhaled loudly "Whatever, we can't escape from the consequences forever." He pulled a jackknife from his back pocket and beckoned me. I nearly sprinted to him and held my arms forward excitedly.

He teared the gauze careful not to touch the tip of the knife to my skin and skimped the fabric from my right arm. I turned my elbow up and gawked at the sight. There were hyphens which were illegible to form a rational outcome. The scratches were deep red and bulged slightly. I traced the lines with my fingertip. When Sal finished to tear the second gauze I immediately looked inside of my forearm. The lines were less complex in comparison to the ones on my right arm and more readable. I succeeded to form the lines to letters one by one.

D

A

M

I

E

N

I gaped at my arm and then Sal I was stupefied and speechless.

"Sal" I whispered. He glanced away and hissed "F*ck"

My eyes were filled with tears that I couldn't hold back. I checked the carves on my right arm once again through my blurred vision. They were similar to the ones on the left arm. I carved his name on my arms.

"Why?" Sal avoided my question and stood up. "Sal!" I yelled when he attempted to leave the room. He turned around and looked at me with pity. He stroked his face with his hands roughly.

"Gorgeous listen. I don't know the reason why you inscribed his name on your arms but I know one thing for sure that you fell in love with him before you committed suicide. I cannot totally admit that the reason you did this to yourself might be Damien, though I am aware that most of the things he's done, hurt you. A lot."

I was in love with him. How did I fall in love with him in a very short span of time?

I loved him too much to carve his name on my arms and my love has become too heavy to carry in my heart so I chose to die. Why did I want to leave marks of him on my body? His name.

Did I want to take a piece of him with me, any piece to remind me of him because he never consented to give while I was alive?

I gave up for him as a result of the things he put me through. What did he do to me?

Sal chuckled interrupting my thoughts "I guess I must say my farewell to you because I don't think I will survive after this confession"

I stood up from the couch and reached for his hand. I was grateful that he was in my life and couldn't stand the thought that Damien might hurt him even kill him because of me.

"I promise" I whispered. "I will never tell."

He nodded solemnly and kissed my forehead. I pulled him to the couch and smiled at him.

"We have a movie marathon. Remember!" I nudged his arm playfully. "Besides we wouldn't want him to suspect anything, no? I mimicked him. "If you leave now he will ask you the reasons for your change of plans."

He raised his eyebrows astonishingly and laughed.

"You are right!" he tapped his knee. I snuggled to him and looked up to meet his green eyes.

"Sal"

"Yes?"

"Thank you"

He nodded indulgently. His green eyes sparkling different from his normal light.

"Always gorgeous always"