Cause You are Mine

Say goodbye to it all

I sat on my chair looking out of the window watching birds flew by mocking me. I hardly ate anything that Dorothy brought though she never said anything about the leftovers on the tray, yet I still caught a glance of pity from her eyes not that I minded anymore. I believed all them to be fake since I heard her conversation with Sal the other day in the kitchen.
Damien never came to look for me as usual guessing he was busy with the wedding preparation.
I felt lost.
The more I tried to reason with myself to stay stable the more I realized it to be ridiculous. I didn't want to go anywhere else I would call home and for sure neither this place nor the whore house was sounded home to me. I felt weaker every passing day yet came to the same inevitable conclusion I crossed every time. My end.
After the fourth day nearing my transfer to that whore house which was still a rumor by the way, because nobody told me personally to pack up, I felt to urge to reveal the truth beneath it. I had to ask Damien. So I waited for him for hours to show up on the hallway and I listened every footsteps. Somehow his were differed from others just like how a boss walks around. When I sneaked outside the room he looked puzzled to see me standing there.
"Emily" he whispered.
I did not take his worried face in consideration and straightforwardly asked him the question in my mind.
"Will they take me to a whore house tomorrow?"
He cleared his throat before answering.
"Listen babe" he sighed.
I didn't want to listen but still I obeyed. Again.
"It is only for temporary, only for precautions. After the wedding and the honeymoon I will bring you back here." He said nonchalantly.
"Why don't you just set me free?" I pleaded for the last time.
"I don't want to and I can't" he sighed again.
"Okay" I nodded and turned back to go to my room but he stopped me holding my hand.
"Emily" he whispered. God I hated my name spilling from his lips.
I raised my eyebrows questioningly.
"Can I come in?"
I was losing another battle that no one cares, with one look at him and seeing the hurt in his eyes as if they meant something real, I felt drown to him one more time. But I didn't care for the honest words or lies his eyes told me at that moment. I just wanted to savour him for the last time.
I held his hand and pulled him inside my room.
We slowly stripped each others' clothes without separating eyes. We laid on the bed side by side. He caressed my face as if I was a porcelain doll. His doll face. I couldn't believe that in a short span of time he invaded my life, broke me, tamed me and claimed me. I stared at his handsome face. So beautiful and sharp. I put my trembling fingers on his forehead and slowly drew a line to his jaw. His piercing blue eyes were penetrating my soul.

After staring each other for a while he raised to his knees below my feet and grabbed one foot in his hand, started to kiss toe by toe. Then my ankle followed by my calf. I watched him kissing me inch by inch not able to prevent my tears to fall generously. He was worshiping my body. Every kiss sending me irresistible emotions that I could not define.

Once he finished his sacred ceremony of revering my body he leaned closer to my face holding himself on his elbows and began to kiss me with unruffled motions causing my heart to beat faster. This was not what I expected for tonight. It was more than f*cking, even more than making love. This was not just sex. It was for forgiveness. It was a goodbye from him shattering the remaining solid parts of my heart as if there was any left.
No tongues included in those kisses, making me more sensual than before. I wished him to slap me, beat me, fuck me, but this soulful act wounded me.
He slowly slid into me keeping up the same pace as he started, like a rhythm of a slow song until I screamed his name an came undone with blurred eyes because of my tears. He came with me groaning.
Then he left without a word, putting a final kiss on my forehead.
I didn't sleep all night. My body was weak from lack of nutrition and sleeplessness added another notch.
When the daylight sneaked through my window I dragged myself to the bathroom. I slid the glass doors of the shower and grabbed my razor. I tore it apart to retrieve the blade.
I sat on the tiled floor and brought the blade to my inner forearm and inscribed the letters patiently, ignoring the pain, the blood and the tears. I proceeded with the other arm following the same pursuit.
The blood flowed out the cuts shivering me cold at first, then a sudden warmness surrounded me, engulfing me into tranquility which once upon a time I found in my mothers arms. The light over my head started to dim. Then faded to black. I thanked God smiling.