About Ruben

Saturday|10th September 2016

Jesus Christ.

John, something so undeniably un-Ruben happened today. I swear it wasn't supposed to happen! I swear I don't even know how it happened! One moment I was in the public library researching stuff on the Nazis and the Second World war when out of nowhere popped Kalani, Mitchell and Scar. I screamed when they creeped up from behind me. I mean come on, I was so concentrated on my book when they come and poke my back!

Anyway, one moment I was in the library and the next...I was at a party.

Yes, you read yourself right. I, Ruben Bywaters attended a high school party for the very first time in my life.

How it came to that? See for yourself:

Kalani: Let's go do something.

Me: Can't. Busy.

Scar: You're not. You're reading this for fun.

Mitchell: What a sour loser

Kalani: I heard that Christoph Peters is throwing a party.

Scar: We should go.

Me: Yeah you should. Bye guys.

Kalani: Ruben, you should come with us.

Me: It's not my scene. Sorry.

Scar: Your face is not your scene. You'll move your butt out of that chair right this instant and come with us to that damn party or I'll swear I'll rip your throat out and feed it to you-

Me: I couldn't swallow it. Since you ripped my throat out and that would be impossible and I'll just stop talking now.

Scar: -and you've got to be such a smart ass-

Kalani: He's not!

Me: Thanks.

Kalani: Just a bit boring.

Mitchell: Word.

Scar: And for fuck's sake Ruben, you need to live a little! You have no life at all. You're sitting here, wasting away studying and studying and researching but you never experience life and my throat is hurting now because I've screamed so much and fuck this, get your sorry ass out of that chair.

Silence.

Mitchell: Amen.

I second that, Mitch.

I ended up going. After a real long phone call to my over protective mother.

Mom: Call me every hour, my baby.

Me: Argh.

Mom: And make sure your never get left behind. Always stay with your friends, my little tootie-frootie mama's baby.

Me: Jesus.

Mom: And don't drink sweetie. You won't be able to handle it. Do you want daddy and mommy to come pick you up at ten? Or later? Say...ten fifteen?

Me:...

Pure horror, John. Especially when I accidentally put the phone on speaker and the three fools heard mom giving me a real loud and annoying 'smoochie for little Ruben'. They've been making kissing faces at me all the time.