My Red Queen |Red Queen fanfic|

The Old Mare Is Gone

                       ~Mare~

Maven shivers against my lips, he shifts me in his arms so that I'm hugging his waist with my legs.

Suddenly the water doesn't feel so cold, the world doesn't feel so lonely.

You're selfish Mare

     You're family lost so much because of you, you've let your power overtake you, you're an awful person. 

Mare Barrow, the old me, rightfully scolds me for all my wrongdoing.

     
      For a second I forget about Maven. I start to imagine a world where I never met Cal, I never destroyed Gisa's future, Shade never died and my brothers never went to war.  I dream of a colorless world, no Silvers, no Reds, no Crown.
     A blank world full of people. Just people. No more social class or Godlike abilities.  A world where the pain was a figment of the imagination, where sorrow was a myth and hard times were nonexistent. Such a dream.
     I miss my old life. I miss my family more than anything. Everything from the barely functioning electricity down to the mice living within the walls of our home.  I miss mom's home cooked meals, I miss Gisa's beautiful sewing, I even long for the sound of my father's wheelchair.
       Thinking of you, Mare Barrow causes me so much agony that it consumes my soul. The hurt eats away at what's left of what I used to be. Long past is the days of useless thievery, picking fights with Kilorn and even... conscription. 
      What a simple existence as Mare, later upgraded to Mareena and now the lightning girl.  Who will I be next?

     I miss her, the girl I was. The feisty, stubborn young girl.  The little Red girl who's barely eighteen, nearly five foot two, olive toned skinned, long brown hair faded into gray with defeated muddy brown eyes. Hints of dirt covering my skin, my disheveled appearance, and my reckless behavior.
    I miss the days when conscription was my biggest fear, back before I was brought into the Silver world.  I let my heart be taken advantage of too many times to count, I had to make sacrifices that tore apart what little dignity I have left.  In a manner of months, I've had everything and lost it all.

Buck up Barrow

Don't be a baby, Shade would say, your tough Mare, you're stronger than this.

" Maven", I bring myself back to reality.

I can't change the past or take back all the horrible things I've done in my life. But I can make a difference in the future.

Be smart, think like a Silver. This is a game remember

A game I have to win.

For my loved ones, for my family and all the people I've hurt, I must win.