My Red Queen |Red Queen fanfic|

Prince Maven

~Mare~

"Mare?" Maven taps my shoulder.

I rolled over , eyes still closed.

"I have something I need to tell you".

He sounds skittish , almost as if he's afraid of my reaction. Now I'm overthinking his news. What is it , is it my family ? Did someone die?.

"What did you do" I state rather than ask.

Maven runs his fingers through my messy hair . His demeanor is calm but there's something he's keeping from me.
" Mare you have to understand, I did what had to be done". What does that mean . He did something awful, I can feel it . I swear on my life I will jump out of this bed and choke him with my bare hands . Give me a reason .

" I announced our engagement this morning" .

Engagement? Oh that's right we're getting married . I don't feel ready , I'm still so young so inexperienced. I love him in spite of everything but I haven't forgotten what he's done . I can't .
How can you love such an evil man? I do not know . Loving him is painful , a lot like being stabbed over and over again . Do you know what the worse part is? I make things worse by not letting go. I hold onto what he was , who he was pretending to be .

My Maven

The timid , compassionate boy I met . The shy but kindhearted boy who kissed me so gently, so sweetly it made my heart sing . I miss the way he used to kiss , how gentle he was with me.

That's the Maven I want for my husband

He was strong , he was beautiful but he didn't see it . He had all the makings of a good king, he cared for his people and he loved them . My magnificent young prince held so much promise, so much hope .
I miss that side of him . He was everything I never was , everything I wanted to be. I wanted him to see himself through my eyes so that he'd know how much he's worth . I wanted him to realize he didn't need to be jealous of Cal because he was better .

"Maven I can't marry you" I whispered.

His eyes squinted, his grip tightened.

"And why not?" He says harshly.

I have to turn away . I can't risk getting lost in his eyes . I have to focus on what I'm trying to say.

"You're not him".

He inhales sharply, "I'm not Cal".

Now I have to look.

"No , you're not my Maven".

He relaxed. His expression softened by I still felt the tension.

"You want that whinny , insecure , shadow prince Maven?" .

With all my heart

"You weren't in his shadow . You had your own flame , your own greatness. You just couldn't see it".

"Mare" , he sighs , " you know how unhappy I was , how lonely that life was".

"Nobody loved me . Not even my mother".

I start to tear up . He can't see it, he can't see beyond his brother . He didn't even notice I was the one . I loved him for both Cal and his father. I loved him, I did.

"I want him , he's who I wanted to marry . He's who I wanted to be the father of my children, I want my Maven to be my husband not you ".

    My heart starts pumping so loud it's clogging my ears.  I'm honestly scared for his reaction, I've seen his temper , I know how dark it can be . 
    He's darker , scarier. He won't shy away from hurting me if I make him angry enough. Right now , I don't like the way he's watching me , eyes practically burning me .

"You won't marry me" he breathes.

I stand as confident as I can , mustering every ounce of remaining strength I have left.

"I refuse".

I want the boy I met , I want what I thought I had . I want   I want   I want.

"I'm going back. I shouldn't have come".