My Journal

December 9th 2016

ITS FRIDAYYYYYYYYYYYY YASSSSS!!! 5 more school days till break!

I spend almost all night on my project and the write up still isn't done. I'm still sick and I hate the universe.

I went to school today and boy am I happy that I did!

I really missed my friends, Tamika, Morgan, Jeremie, Dakota, Dylan, Liam, and a bunch more awesome people.

They make me really happy. I remember when I first met them. My self esteem wasn't good, I had really bad anxiety, I was depressed and I just really did bad things to myself. Not going to say what.

My friends make me really happy to be at school. They make me smile, they make me laugh. They make me forget what it was like to come home and cry because of being pushed into lockers, or what it was like to have panic attacks from surprise spotlight, or what it was like to hate myself because I felt like I wasn't good enough.

All of the things that caused me so much pain, the things that made me want to curl up and hide from the world. The things I told myself every night about how I was useless and dumb each night are no longer existent. I haven't smiles truly in years. When I first showed a true smile this year, I almost burst into tears because I never thought I would smile that truthfully again.

I love how many memories I've made with them these past few months. And I've even made friends online who have made me very happy. I can't thank all my friends enough for making me so happy. My friends have shown me that there is so much more than hiding in my room all day, and they've made me forget all the times I lived in fear of going to school and all the times I purposely made myself sick because I didn't want to go.

Tamika and Morgan were the first friends I met at my new school.

Tamika and I talked a lot about Dan and Phil and a bit about anime when I first met her. We like a lot of the same things which is awesome. She made me feel really welcome even when I couldn't open up as much as I have now.

Morgan and I really began talking when we went on a field trip to a bowling place, we talked about the bands we liked and the YouTubers we both watched. I was really cool. I'm really glad those two made me feel welcome.

Morgan and I are both new students so I think we were both quite nervous at first. Tamika and the others made us feel very welcome. I'm glad we are good friends.

Anyway me being sappy af aside!

It fucking snowed. I'm not ready for this shit. I will boycott winter until it goes away. ;-; I don't like it. T-T

I didn't make it into the call backs for the play, no matter. I'm glad I did my best. :) Still kinda bummed that I didn't get in though.

English was cool, we did a quiz on essay writing. It was quite confusing but whatever. I still have a quite a bad stomach ache. ;-; but I must go on! I can't give up now! *falls asleep*

Break came around and I'm sick af. Ughhhh *crying*

Cooking was cool, we made jam. And did a worksheet on food storage. Yay!

Oh and new wedding theme: memes.

At lunch I called my mum to pick me up since I'm still pretty sick. It's not that I don't want to go to school, believe me, I do. But I want to do something other than sitting in the school infirmary all day. ;-;

In science we worked on our science projects and talked about stuff, Liam called himself "a rock on cocaine" huh.

I got picked up early, and we were talking about the dance that was going on today. I loved this conversation.

Tamika: Liam, you and Navada should dance. *chuckled*

Liam: *looks at me* Navada, I thought you were gay!

Me: I am!

*in the distance, laughter of someone's parent can be heard*

My favourite conversation today. :3

I'm sicker. I hate it. My neck hurts, my head hurts, my body hurts. Is there a part of me that doesn't hurt? Nope. I guess I'll just have to wait to get food. I'm too nauseous to move. Help me *cries*

My temp is up. I just feel sick. And I don't wanna do anything. Hot cold hot cold hot cold.

Tip: don't eat anything like veggies, fruit or anything water related when you feel like your going to throw up. Eat something like peanut butter, unless your allergic to it....

Also don't shake anything when you feel sick. It's the worst thing ever.

I watched crime shows with my mum and was really cold. It was so hard the get warm. Ughhhh. I hope I feel better soon. ;-;