The Colors of Love

16: Makes Sense

"Do what to myself?" she asks, now looking at me intensely. I meet her gaze levelheadedly, and stare into her eyes, matching her intensity.

"Why do you pretend that you mean nothing?" I ask her, my voice quiet.

"I...I am nothing, Dare. It's time you see that. I've pretended that we're in the same league, but in reality, you are so much more than me," she says. "You have a future ahead of you. You graduate in the spring, and you'll have colleges competing to get to you."

"And you think you won't?" I ask her.

"I know I won't. I know that I'll stay here, in this town, until I die. I'm never getting out of here. It doesn't help to pretend that I am someone, when I am nothing."

"Don't say that ever again," I say, my voice strong and clear. Adri looks up at me, confused. I grab her arm, not caring that she flinches away. "Please don't say that. Everybody is worth something."

"Not me," she says, giving me a small smile.

"No. I refuse to accept that. What about your soulmate? I'm sure they believe you're worth something," I tell her. I swear to God your soulmate thinks your worth the world.

"Dare, I don't believe in love," she says. She sounds thoughtful, not upset or angry. She should sound angry. Anger is easy to fix. But the fact that she's resolved to being unloved and worth nothing is heartbreaking.

"How could you not believe in love? Love is everywhere. Our parents, our friends, our-"

"No, Dare. Your parents, and your friends."

"W-what do you mean?" I ask.

"My parents aren't soulmates, Dare. They were high school sweethearts, sure, but just dating each other to pass the time. Then Mom got pregnant and they resolved to get married so that they could raise me," she says. "Do you know how terrible it is to wake up every morning, knowing that you are the reason your parents never found love? They don't love each other, they tolerate each other. Because I was born."

I sit staring at her, having no idea what to say. What am I supposed to say to the girl that I'm supposed to love, that has just admitted that she does not believe in love? She believes she is the reason her parents are unhappy. My God, that has got to be a terrible way to grow up. Now everything about her makes sense; she's quiet, not wanting to draw a lot of attention to herself. She allows people to use her, like James, because she believes she isn't worth it.

"I...I don't know what to say," I tell her.

"You don't have to say anything," she tells me with a smile. "I know what I believe. Nothing has, or ever will, change that."

The waitress arrives with our food, so Adri happily eats her cheese fries. But I don't touch my Waffle. How can she sit there, smiling and happily eating, and not believe she could fall in love? Does she believe that her soulmate doesn't exist? That I don't exist?

That has got to be such a depressing and lonely life. The thought of my soulmate is what had kept me going for all these years. I've dreamed of it for so long. But it makes sense that Adri doesn't believe in love. Her home must be a sad place. Dark, grey, no one ever bringing up colors or love or happiness.

She says nothing will ever change her mind. But I want to. I want to be the one who changes her mind, who introduces her to love. But how am I supposed to do that?