Bad Secrets

Nikki

Tonight is Thursday Night Smackdown, and I don't even know how I'm still holding it all together.. Roman has been on my mind all the time, and I've tried to block him out with anything I can think of, work, music, wine but nothing is working.. And to make matters worse, he keeps calling and texting, asking, begging for us to meet.. Its killing me inside because I want to say yes to a meeting with him, but I know that if I meet with him, I'll forgive.. I don't think I can do that again, don't get me wrong, I love Roman with all my heart, he is honestly the love of my life but I don't think I can live with the fact that he's lying or keeping secrets from all the time.. I just wish everything was different, I wish he would've told me the truth from the beginning.. I slipped on my hat and walked out of my locker room, and made my way to catering.. I grabbed a bottle of water and took a sip, I saw Brie talking with Dean and Roman.. I quickly turned around before my eyes drifted to Roman.. Everytime I think of Roman, I feel like I stop breathing.. I was facing the wall when I felt a hand on my shoulder, I quickly spun around and saw Brie looking at me.. "Hey Nikki.." "Hey Brie, what's going on?" She looked at me with concerned eyes. "Nikki, he wants to talk to you.." I rolled my eyes "I can't, Brie.. I'm at work.." "Nicole, stop! Can't you see that this man is in love with you and all he wants to do is apologize and explain himself?! Stop trying to act like you don't care about the guy, when deep down inside you know you love him more than anything.. Work or not, go speak to the man you love.." She walked back to the table and sat down.. I let what she just said sink in, she was right.. I should at least talk to him. I threw my empty bottle away and walked up to the table, I pulled up a chair next to Roman and placed my hand on his.. His eyes shot up to mine, I gave him a small smile. "Let's talk, okay?" He nodded and we both got up from the table and walked into a quiet hallway. "Nicole, I know that you might not ever forgive me for the lies and secrets but I want you to know that if there was some way that I could change everything that's happened I would.. If I could turn back the clock, I would and I would never lie or keep things from you.. You are the love of my life, you're the only woman that I will always want... I never wanted this to happen.. I wanted to live together, I wanted to get married, I wanted to have kids, and I wanted us to be happy, always.. And-" I put my hand up, making him stop talking.. I couldn't take it anymore.. "Stop.. Roman, please stop.. You can't do this to me! You can't stand here and tell me everything you wanted to do with us!! You can't tell me I'm the love of your life... You just can't!! I, on the other hand, can say that you are the love of my life.. I showed it to you everyday.. I loved and still love you the same way.. No lies, no secrets! And that's what kills me... That although you lied and kept secrets from me, I still love you.. I still want to be with you.. I wanna say that finally I found the man of my dreams.. The perfect man, the father of my future children.. I love you more than words can say, and it hurts that the man that I love keeps things from me.." I turned away as my voice croaked, tears threatening to come out.. He turned me around and pulled me into a hug.. "I'm sorry for all I've done to you babygirl.. I didn't want any of this to happen.. This is all my fault.." I heard him sniffle above me.. He gently grabbed my face and made me look up at him, I saw his eyes, filled with tears. "Listen to me, Nicole.. I don't care if it takes me a whole lifetime to get your forgiveness, we will be together.. No matter what, I still love you, even if one day you don't love me back.. You are the love of my life.. Don't turn your back on us, please.. Promise me.." I saw honesty written in his face.. I reached up and peck his lips, he pulled me closer.. He placed his forehead on mine. "I promise.. Joseph, I forgive you.. I just need time and some space.. We aren't over, this is just a break.." He kissed my head "I'll make everything up to you, I promise, I will." We stood in each other's arms, not wanting to let go.. I feel like everything was going to get better with time.. With space and time.