Taciturn (Niall Horan)

CHAPTER 20 - Fix It

Niall's POV

"I'm sorry."

Her voice held the guilt, regret, pain and sorrow. Her voice, her words keep repeating in my head. She didn't mean to slap me, I know she didn't. The tears fell out of her beautiful eyes and it's breaking me inside to see her crying. I didn't mind that she slapped me because I know, it's my fault. I'd lied to her but she lied to me as well, right? But I didn't care about it at that moment.

All I wanted to do was take her in my arms and tell her that everything is fine. But every step I was taking forward, she stepped back. She didn't want me to touch her. She didn't want me to be near her. She didn't want anything from me. I was literally pushing her away with every move I was making until she ran off again and that time, I didn't dare to run after her. I let her to get away, I let her ran away from me. And it’s tearing my heart into million pieces.

I open my eyes but I didn't dare to move from where I'm laying. I look at the clock on the wall. Quarter to two in the afternoon.

Hangover sucks. Hey, don't think of anything. I'm not being an alcoholic. Last night was New Year's Eve so I have a reason to drink. Yeah, I get drunk but thanks to Liam; I ended up sleeping on a couch and not on a messy floor or worse, beside a toilet bowl.

"Surprisingly, you're earlier than what I expected."  I turn my head to the owner of the voice; Liam. "I'm expecting you'd wake up at four or five."

"I didn't drink that much." I defended.

"Yeah, more than what I thought you would. You almost knocked out a table." he rolls his eyes. "You're pretty much a sober."

I threw a cushion at him and bingo! I hit his face!

"Oi!"

"Don't remind me of the scenes last night." I told him.

"Anyway," he changes the subject as he sits on the chair across me. "You were mumbling her name on your sleep, again."

My whole body tense up. He doesn't need to know who is 'her' because I know who he is talking about.

I frequently dream about her. Almost every night, I'm dreaming of what happened on our last encounter. Seeing her crying is the worst nightmare I ever had so I'm not surprise that Liam heard me mentioning her name. Good thing he didn't see the worst. Sometimes, I would wake up from that dream with fresh tears on my cheeks.

"I miss her, Liam." I told him. "I miss her so much."

"Have you heard anything from her?" he asked, looking at me with his sympathetic eyes.

I shook my head 'no' and he grew wary. Liam knew what happened three weeks ago and he thought that we're both stupid for trying to hurt each other's feeling. Is it really stupid to be head over heels on someone? If yes then I'm gladly taking that I'm stupid; stupidly head over heels on Nona.

"I'm going home," I declared.

"Uhm. Okay, but first. Would you like to take pills for your headache?" he offered.

"Pills please and bring out some food as well." I answered and I received an amused chuckle from Liam as he makes his way to his kitchen.

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I'm one smart ass for taking my car to the party, let Liam drove it to his flat after the party and here I am, driving it back to my own apartment. I try my best to focus on the road ahead but you see, pictures of Nona are coming in my head. I really don't wanna be left in my own thoughts because all I have to think about is the black head girl. I'm starting to ask myself if this is healthy. I mean, she's invading every space I have. In my sleep, I dream about her. When I'm left in my trance, I think about her. When I'm listening to some sappy love songs, I remember her. Seeing Zayn's or anyone else black hair, it reminds me of her. I guess I have to seek for some psychiatric help. It's like she tattooed her name over my brain and heart. And honestly, it hurts double time because I can't be with her.