Look What You've Done
I've been through it for the last time. My heart is inebriated, shattered to pieces by the lies he's been telling me for almost 5 years now. I had so many opportunities to leave, to work on myself and find me someone better than him. It's my fault we're still here in this mess of a relationship, still holding on to something that is no longer love, but hate. They say that love isn't supposed to hurt, but every day I feel as if I lose a piece of me. Everyday I become a different person opposed to who I once was. By day, I am his faithful lover, his backbone through his demise, his woman who is blind to reality. But at night... I don't know who I am anymore. I become this being full of wicked desires and lust to be fulfilled. I prey on men, women, the broken-hearted just as I and I play with it. I enjoy it too much for my own good. I can't deny this person who I am at night, this alter-ego of my pain. I catch myself slipping out of my bed at night to devour someone in lust, to escape the hurt that he has caused. I don't return until dawn, slipping back into my bed to be in pain and oblivious to reality once more. I swear I didn't want us to be like this. I would've gave Chris the whole world if he asked for it. Now it's just like we're together for the image. Together to not be alone, but separated to be free. That shit doesn't make sense to me, but will it ever?
Night-time hits and I feel alive again. My phone is ringing off the hook. "Go to Club Mystique tonight." In the matter of 45 minutes I'm dressed to kill and on my way out the door. I lurk through the crowd searching for a potential victim, a rather mysterious chocolate man catching my eye. His strong physique accompanied by his flawless smile and piercing black eyes follow me to the bar. Checkmate✅ I look back at him with a smirk on my face. I can tell he's analyzing every bit of me, unclothed and raw. If only he knew of the type of heart I held beneath this facade. I whisper to the bartender to make him a White Russian on me and patiently wait to draw him in. He approaches me with his dauntless smile and my body begins to shiver.
"I've been watching you since you came in, the name is Tip." Hmmm, straight-forward is he now? What else is hidden behind this beauty? "That's nice to know, my name is Passion, Passion Marie to be exact." A horrible lie indeed, but Mr. Tip would never be capable of deciphering this. "I won't lie to you Miss Marie.. I can't help myself right now. I want to discover every flaw you have behind that smile of yours." Weird. A aggressive individual with mysterious motives 🤔 I peeped the wedding ring, the expensive Rolex on his arm but most importantly his attire. This man was a regular here, simply because of the fact that he felt comfortable to come in his Minister apparel. Dirty fucking dog, but he could never play me at a game I've become so used to. I decided to play dumb some more, laughing at his corny jokes, giving him sexy winks every so often. I was starting to become bored though. I just wanted to get the 2 things I came for. "Okay look here Tip, stop wasting my time when you know what we're both here for. You want sex, I want money. I charge 500 at base, I'm the cream of the crop baby." His facial expression changed to something I've never seen in a customer before. Tip's eyes became shallow and his touch became far too firm as he pulled me upstairs. He had more in store than just sex, and for once my 2 lives became intertwined. My body began to ache as we took a closer step towards the room. Something feels different about this time, about this night... We enter the same dingy room with that red-light that I've been in nearly hundreds of times. Something so familiar, but different at this moment. I quickly analyze the room as I'm thrown on the bed and see my exact problem. Tears begin to flow and my body tenses as I stare into Chris' eyes. The man I love and also the reason why I live my life the way I do. I could never call him my pimp. In my tattered heart, I called this business a favor for him. After all, I did say I would give Chris the world. I never wanted this, I just wanted to be loved. But who am I to feel bad now when I could've left so long ago. I watch as Tip ties my hands with thick rope to the bedrail. "I don't want you to move, to breathe, to see what I'm about to do to you." Fuck. Weird isn't the word anymore. "Chris baby I don't wanna please this customer give me another one!!" I begin to wheeze and squirm which causes the minister to put his weight on me. He undresses me then blindfolds and gags me with a dingy towel with the stench of sweat and semen. A smell I would never forget, a smell that is still imprinted on me until this day. "Make daddy proud, after all you are the cream of the crop baby" Chris says nonchalantly. I drown out my outer environment by promising myself everything will be okay. I become oblivious to reality, putting myself back in a place of pain.
