bloodline :: philkas

opt

philip

Ethan!!

When should i come???

come at around noon,
that's usually when i start :-)

okay, see you soon!!

let me send you
something first

i locked my phone and put it face down on the coffee table before curling up again, soup in hand, and watching the beginning of the second home alone movie. and it made me think about lukas.

lukas. when i think of that word, the first three words that come to mind are: nerd, hot, and dick. i think that they summed him up pretty well.

when lukas touched my hips, i felt relaxed and at ease. it was like whenever we made contact, lukas seemed to put me in a calm trance. his touch made me feel submissive toward him, and whatever he would do next would feel right. like it needed to happen, and that it would be the correct thing to do. no other possibility could be better.

at least that what lukas wanted me to think.

i needed to stop thinking about him like this. i can't let lukas gain control over me.

i've said it before and i'll say it again— lukas wants one thing and one thing only. my blood. he was a vampire, for fuck's sake, i shouldn't even be messing around with him. but, death apparently liked to dance with me, and held on to me with no intention of letting go.

death. it's a scary concept. what scares me even more is what happens after. even if there is a "heaven," then it would be horrible. sure it'd be amazing at first, you would have anything you want and you would be surrounded by the ones you love (assuming they're not in "hell"). but after some time, you would grow bored. you have everything you want without having to actually work for it, now what? you spend the rest of time where you are. because you can't die anymore. you already have.

what about hell, though? your soul is sent to suffer for the rest of eternity. you wouldn't even be tortured to death, just tortured to the point where you would wish for death again. but that wouldn't be able to happen, since you're technically still dead. your soul would be the one forced to endure the pain inflicted onto you. if you go to hell, who would even torture you? someone who's already suffered long enough? or do you just burn? either way though, you're going to be in pain. however, after a long enough period of time, you'd become immune, right? you would have gone through enough pain to the point where it doesn't even hurt anymore. maybe that's who tortures you in hell, then. the people who've gone immune to the pain.

when i die, i want it to just end. reincarnation would be interesting, though. i just hope that if i do "reincarnate," i reincarnate into person again. maybe in that life, i could actually do something different with my life.

with that final existential crisis thought, i started sipping at my soup again. the second home alone movie was still playing, and by the time the next commercial came on, i finished my soup. so, i got up and went back into the kitchen to wash the bowl. when i was done, i saw lukas emerge from the hallway, running his hand through his hair. he was wearing my gray pajama pants and was also shirtless. it was a nice sight to see.

"hiya," i greeted, walking toward the coffee table in the living room to turn off the tv.

i grabbed my remote and shut the tv off, and looked at my phone once i heard i got a text notification. see, it would've been normal if it was one text. but it was multiple. as in very many.