Soren McKinin; the disappointment of the family, the child his parents wished did not belong to them, the type fathers warned their daughters not to date.
Anger issues, a heartless brute that got into fights and saw the world as dark grey, helples...
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S O R E N
A falling star; dancing through constellations waving to earth on the way past. Something beautiful to watch. But, if you just looked closer you'd see it's a great flaming ball of gas and rock, something that could kill you, your family and your dog.
I say this for lately I've been given the sympathetic look from school peers. They look at me like I'm a kicked puppy, as if I need saving. I ain't some lonely coward who needs a girl with a gold heart to "save me". It's as if women has an instinct built into them to nurture a broken-hearted.
Let me get something straight, 'bad boys' do not get saved from the kindness of a girl. We don't see the light after we spend time with a golden girl, it's a personal decision and one I made a long time ago.
I'm not a glistening star you can point at and admire. I seem to be just a destructive bomb and like the star, I'm trying to get away from earth. So just let me fall, let me get burned by the flames.
I know I'm dying. I know my actions are like typing the code into the bomb. But I don't have anything to live for, I am incapable of happiness.
But at least I can say; I tried once.
And that's why I ignored Jay the whole day. Sure enough, today was the only day that she'd be my slave but I avoided her at all cost.
I'm not heroic at the least but I just can't let anything to happen to her, she doesn't deserve it.
There's just some people that if you could, you'd give some of your years to extend their life. Some of your happiness.
I've just dug myself into a deep hole with no escape, unless I were to completely crush any friendly feelings Jay has for me. I'd do what I've done to anyone who has gotten close to me, I scared them, I crush them. Then, they go and live their lives Soren free—monster free.
"Mr McKinin?" Mr Jesso the oldest science teacher in the building stopped his lecture, pulling his spectacles off his nose.
"What?" I begrudgingly pulled my head off my hand and looked at him flatly, ignoring the heads that turned to look at me.
"You've been staring at that wall my whole lesson, I will give you detention if you can't recite something that I've talked about this lesson." His voice was cold as he leant against the wall, holding the pen in his fingers lazily.
"As a result of thermal dynamics passing heat is transferred into the metal," I looked at the board lazily, "See figure one."
His smug expression faulted and I raised an eyebrow at him, "that is correct, isn't?"
He simply nodded, before telling the class the homework due the next lesson. I stood up and went to leave but he called me back, students bustled past me.
"Soren, I know for a fact you weren't listen." He watched me carefully as I stared at him emotionlessly, "I honestly don't think you've listened this whole year, you've missed most of our classes. I think you should join science club, I believe I found a genius. I could ask you any question, you could answer it."
"That's pure dog shit."
"Is the Higg's particle lighter or heavier than an electron?" He asked seriously, looking at me internally as if I was a performing monkey about to do a backflip.
"I don't know." I shrugged.
He stared at me for a long time before he waved his hand, telling me to get out. A teacher that I didn't recognise came into the room and asked for a moment of Mr Jesso's time. He exited and I grabbed the marker pen, walking towards the whiteboard.
I wish I could've seen Mr Jesso's expression as he came back into his room to find my scribbles on the board, 'it's fuckingway heavier: E = MC^2'
-
Someone fingers touched my shoulder gently and I stopped walking, turning around to look at Jay's big brown eyes.
She poked my chest, "Nope, you're not a ghost. I can still see you walking around the halls, refusing to make eye contact with me."
I found myself glaring at her and she must've read it my expression to the core because she withdrew her hand slowly.
"Jay," My voice broke unexpectedly and I found myself standing up straighter, letting my eyes cloud with dullness, boredom, "Deals off, don't fucking come near me."
She just looked at me blankly, withdrawing any body language of warmth directed at me. Her mouth went slack and her eyes grew glassy, as if I'd clicked the off button.
Her eyes were focused on mine, she just...stared.
"Say something." I growled, hoping that'd just walk away. I watched as she dropped and placed her bag in the ground, digging through it until she found a pen.
She gripped my wrist strongly and wrote the same words as last time, "Don't do anything stupid."
I snatched my wrist back and looked at her with glazed eyes of annoyance, hoping she didn't see through them. I turned away and continued walking, pulling up my hood.
"Soren!" She called after me, "Please, please don't k—" she stopped when people around us looked in our direction, "Please....just keeping watering the roses."
I gave her the finger. Ignoring the pain in my chest, this was life.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered.
My apology wasn't mainly meant for Jay. It for my heart, which had just choking, slowly dying.
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