Soren McKinin; the disappointment of the family, the child his parents wished did not belong to them, the type fathers warned their daughters not to date.
Anger issues, a heartless brute that got into fights and saw the world as dark grey, helples...
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S O R E N
I never really liked the color black, never really liked anything much. Needless to say, I liked Jay and food, maybe my brothers.
Though, there was something about the color black that brought a bad omen over the McKinin family.
The first car Robin crashed was black, my father choked on a black olive and sadly didn't die last Easter, Jay's hair was black and it always seemed to hit me in the face when she turned around suddenly.
My suit coat was indeed black, so were my pants, my shoes, my hair. I was one bad omen, one person just wanting to give my respects. Neena's parents had paid for the funeral,
I convinced them to bury her in the McKinin owned section of the seminary, said it was her last dying wish. It was "code" that those of true McKinin blood were buried there.
I gave her my spot, after all I wasn't full blood. This way she would be buried with people I knew would look after her, she wouldn't be alone anymore.
Looking into the mirror was a rare occasion, holding my own gaze was improbable. I did it today though, deep bags hung from under my eyes like hammocks, the blueness in the iris seeming more cold than ever.
A small knock echoed in my room, the unmade bed stayed messy, the curtain continued to stay drawn, everything was as still and lifeless as before. But that knock gave me a sense of peace, Jay opened the door seconds later.
My eyes flicked to hers, down her body then back to her face. The maids had bought her as instructed a black sink dress, not exposing but respectful and elegant.
Footsteps are incredibly loud in a room where no noise is ever made.
Her soft hand found my shoulder as she slowly turned my body to face her, engulfing me in a hug. A hug that wasn't romantic but one of comfort, that it was going to be okay.
We pulled apart, "It's okay to cry, Soren."
I stared at her lifelessly, "I don't like to cry in front of people."
Jay paused in thought, "You're not being weak, you're just... being human."
Public speaking was a dislike of mine, I wasn't bad at it, I just didn't like looking into the eyes of hundreds who probably wanted me to hurry up and exit the stage.
Though, I had to say a few words. I felt like I owed it to her.
Walking down the aisle to the head of the church made me swallow hard as straighten out my small crunched up piece of paper.
I looked up once at the faces, there weren't many. A few family members, one or two people I recognized from school, Jay who was sited next to me gave a small, reassuring nod.
"A lot of you probably don't know who I am, what Neena meant to me... What I meant to her." I licked my lips and closed the sheet of paper, "I, for one believe that we're put on this earth for a purpose, once it's completed... we can go. Whether that be to save a life or just to be that person's friend, and that friend cures the environment. I... don't know what Neena's purpose was, but she tried to make me smile, that means a lot now."
I found myself stuffing my hands into my pockets, "One day, I'll forget her eye color and you'll all forget mine, but I'll never forget holding her, telling her it'll be okay. I'll never forget that she is happy now because that's I could ever wish for a person. Happiness."
When I dropped the white rose into her black marble gazed coffin, I didn't cry. I didn't cry until the rain soaked through my jacket as I watched them pushed dirt into the hole.
J A Y
I sat on my bed and glanced out the window, Soren hadn't come. He said that he would after the funeral but still no sign.
It was 1am, a small headache from lack of sleep thumped in the back of my skull. My eyelids seemed heavier than usual and my neck sore from having been sitting straight up for the past two hours.
It was 3am, he wasn't coming.
Pulling the covers up to my chin I shivered not from the cold but from the words that echoed my mind since Soren walked off the stage. His speech had been bouncing around my head like a catchy pop song for the past few hours.
He had spoken as if he'd never wanted to die himself, as if all he wanted to do was live forever.
Everyone had a two sided mirror, as we looked out at the world we wonder what people saw. If somehow they saw through the reflective glass and would simply scream at what was on the other side of the mirror.
The scars down our wrist that don't exist, the frown that is never seen, our eyes that cry for help but no one comes because no one sees.
No one grabs a rock and smashes the glass, no one puts their hand on the glass and sees the other hand pleading for help.
My phone buzzed, once, twice.
Making the assumption it was Soren I put to my ear with closed eyes.
"Hello?" The line was completely silent, for a moment it seemed as if the person had hung up, "Hello?"
"Oh! Um, hey! Sorry I-I accidentally called you--" he stumbled, shuffling noises humming over his words.
"No! I'm... I'm glad you did." I whispered, waiting for him to answer as the silence lingered.
His voice quieter than a whisper, nearly detectable, "Jay... I love you."
"Colin, are you drunk? Your voice is husky, have you been drinking?" I breathed, running a hand through my hair.
His voice was even softer now, taking a shaky breath, "Yeah, I have. Sorry."
He hung up.
3am thoughts consist of everything deep in the heart, things you want no one to see. So, Colin convinced himself that he was drunk as his sober mine hung its head in shame.
He would go to a place where people were friends with Soren.
And Soren was friends with the devil.
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Sorry I haven't been very active lately. I just want to say I love the hate comments, I find them incredibly funny that people honestly whine and sulk about my story yet they have the time to comment. Usually their comments are dumb shit anyways, very entertaining!
Never let anyone pull you down. You will become successful in different areas, there will be people who only talk to you because of your successfulness, others who try drag you down. Just remember who was there for you when no one else was.
