after alice; book three {5sos}

six

this is what it must feel like to breathe, to surface the water and have fresh air fill your lungs. the sun has fully risen. the violet of the dawn has been swallowed up by the blue. i stare down at my hands, the blood dried in the rivers etched into my palms. i wipe at my eyes with the back of my hand, dried blood smearing against my skin.

i stand up, my legs trembling and my head spinning. i'm not sure if i can make it out of here but i have to; it's all over now. isn't it?

i reach for the black, crumpled bin bag that i was given to throw belongings into. we had rushed back to my home, taking a few of my belongings, and we ran again. i'm not sure how we did it but we left the locks broke and my room as though it had never been touched. my room was cold and unwelcoming. no longer alive. i'll never return there, and it breaks my heart to do so but i don't think i ever could.

i tip the contents of a pair of shoes and dirty clothes out of the bin bag and onto the floor. my eyes screwed shut, i drop the stuffed rabbit into the bag as my eyes well with tears.

i want the police and the detectives to know that i was here. i know they will wonder with curiousity and disgust as to why i ran away in the first place, but they will never understand. they will never understand the heartache that i've felt but they will support me, i hope.

gently resting the bag on the bed, my soft breaths filling the small cabin room, i step over louis' limp body and part my hair, squeezing my eyes shut and attempt to pull a hair out. i manage to pull it out quicker than i thought i would and rest it on the pillow. my toothbrush is already in the bathroom and my fingerprints will be in the living room and the bathroom yet i still need to make sure they know i was here. they need to know what i've endured.

shakily tying the knot of the black bin bag, i leave the room. i don't look over my shoulder or stop with hesitation, i just walk straight for the door with tears gathering in my eyes and the traces of louis' fingers still in my hair. the air is crisp and refreshing.

but i don't know where i am; louis blindfolded me in the van. he sat me in the front beside him and blindfolded me as we took the back roads.

my feet are bare, already damp and dirty from the leaves and the dirt. the door is left wide open behind me. do i walk toward a main road? i could be anywhere in the country and miles away from a main road. i suck in a breath and hold down my tears, my hand tightly grasping onto the black bin bag as i weave through the trees.

i walk the quiet, back road. i haven't seen a car yet and i wonder if i ever will.

it feels like i've been walking for hours. i glance up at the sky, trying to figure out the time by the position of the sun. i've never been taught how to but the sun isn't directly in the middle of the sky at it's peak yet so i guess it's turning eleven.

i spot an orange box in the distance tacked to a lampost. without thinking, the stones digging into my bare feet, i run for the lampost and the orange box.

"please, please, please." i plea, squinting as i approach.

it's a breakdown helpline for cars that run out of gas. i lift the phone off of the holder and bring it to my ear, the tears of relief spilling down my cheeks. have i really made it away from him? i don't feel happy and excited to return back to my hometown but i feel the relief. its a bittersweet feeling.

there's a shrill ring on the other end of a line as a number is dialled.

"someone answer, please." i whisper, my words choked toward the end.

the shrill ringing stops within seconds and the line picks up.

"hello?" i almost yell into the phone. "hello, please help me." the strained cry that comes from my lips makes me want to cry more; i sound broken.

"hello, thank you for calling the break down line. have you broken down?" the woman's voice on the other end of the line asks, slightly concerned.

"no, i need help." i plea again. "i was kidnapped about a month ago and-"

"okay, calm down, love. can you speak a little slower please?"

"i was kidnapped about a month ago," i say between gasps. i haven't had contact with anybody outside of louis in what feels like years. "i don't know where i am. i was blindfolded when brought to the cabin. i'm the missing girl from-"

"okay, love. yes, i know who you are. i'll give the police a call now. can you stay on the phone for me?"

the sun passes the midpoint of the sky. i wait and wait, the phone line on hold. i've left it to hang from the receiver as i lay on the grass, wiping the tears from my eyes.

i hear a car in the distance, shooting to my feet. over the long grass and the hedges, i notice the roof of a car slowly making its way toward me. waving my hands frantically with exhaustion, i find myself crying yet again. i collapse back onto the grass, the relief pouring onto the greenery.

the police car pulls up beside me and the man and the woman hop out of the car, rushing over toward me.

"oh, love. come on now."

i only remember fragments of the journey to the police station and fragments of the conversation. the signs read that i'm not far from home. he didn't take me very far; he didn't feel the need to keep me far from home. it's almost like it was his last resort to bring me here.

"here," the woman leans into the back and hands me a pack of tissues. "wipe those tears away. everything will solve itself."

but will it? i pathetically rub at my eye with a tissue. i need wipes and water, anything. more than a tissue. i need to get this blood off of my hands. i'm in a dazed state, watching the car chase the clouds as the sun begins to fall in the sky.

"what time is it?" i ask out loud. i'm sure it's the first thing i've asked since i climbed into the car.

"four," the woman replies after a silent moment, her eyes wide with surprise. "are you willing to have a chat with us now?"

i stare back out of the window and slowly shake my head. i don't think i'll ever be ready. all i need is to forget about everything. luke would want me to start again, i'm sure he would. they always say, third time lucky. but i would rather die than be here.

i think of the place i was born and i wish it never happened.