after alice; book three {5sos}

nine

whilst waiting to be taken to the hostel, i throw up. it feels like i'm throwing up for hours, into the toilet next to the detective's office.

the sickness washes over and i begin to sob between the moments of sickness. i must have eaten something shitty or suddenly eating more is making my stomach turn to shit since it's unable to handle it.

in the car on the journey to the hospital i feel like i could vomit again yet i manage to hold it down somehow and get myself a room at the hostel, the carpets a dirty green colour and the walls of the place chipping.

overall, the place isn't too bad. i can hear music in the distance, vague and muffled, the hallway of upstairs silent. the woman showing me to my room has red curly hair and a green sweater on, adorned with a smile.

the room has two single beds infront of the window, two sets of drawers, one mirror and a sink.

i don't belong here, i already know it.

this place only makes me miss home more - the feeling of being cared for and having a place to call my own.

i'm told that dinner will be at five and that my roommate will return soon yet i already know i won't be attending dinner or making any conversation with my temporary roommate. i already know i won't be here for long and i don't need to be making any more friends.

at about ten, which is apparantly the curfew, there is still no sign of my roommate and i feel lonely in this surprisingly warm bedroom. i slide off the bed and step out onto the landing that was thriving with life only minutes ago.

the step creaks as i descend the stairs, my fingers travelling along the peeling wallpaper. a girl passes me, the makeup beneath her eyes smeared slightly and her mouth set in a straight line. she passively glances at me before passing me on the stairs.

it's almost like she is used to seeing new faces around here all the time. she doesn't even double take or introduce herself.

i enter the little hallway by the front door, ducking past the dusty green curtain and standing infront of the small wall phone.

if you ever need to call me, here's my number.

if you ever need to use the phone it's just downstairs behind the green curtain for you. you can use it whenever, aslong as it isn't after curfew. we get charged more to use the phone after ten.

i turn my hand over and open my palm, the slip of paper crumpled and the ink smeared. i dial the number, louisa answering.

she's the detective from earlier. i'm not sure why i'm calling her, yet i feel like i need to hear a reassuring voice to assure me i haven't slipped into a strange alien world and that actually humanity isn't far from here.

"hello?"

"hi." i whisper, pressing the phone against my ear and cupping the speaker.

"oh, sophia? sorry, i don't usually get calls on my personal from unknown numbers." she lightly laughs. she's tired i think. maybe i've woken her up.

"i don't like it here." is all i can whisper.

"you haven't given it a chance yet."

"no, i really don't like it here. do i not get a choice about whether i leave? i'm an adult, afterall."

"you do have a choice," she softly says. "you're forgetting this is only temporary."

my eyes stare into the black oblivion outside, the arched branches of the tree outside swaying softly in the breeze. they seem to dance in the breeze, crooked fingers against the dark sky. i stare back at my reflection, my eyes almost black, my hair falling over my shoulder.

too much has changed lately and i'm not sure if i can keep up with it all.

and then it's there. he is behind me.

the breath disappears in my throat, my lungs collapsing and forgetting how to gasp for air. the blood rushing in my ears intensifies and my skin prickles, the fear crawling up my arms and down my back. the fear envelopes my body at the sight of him, the seconds passing as though he really is here. he really is.

the rabbit ears are distinct in the darkness and the looming eyes breathe against my neck.

"sophia?" i hear detective louisa's voice pouring through the speaker, yet it's slipping from my hand and hitting the cream wall with a clatter.

"you can't kill your fears." the whisper tickles below my ear, the fear washing over me as though behind dipped in piping hot water.

my mouth is open, my eyes screaming and pleading for help.

i close my eyes and my mouth, a tear falling.

you can't kill your fears.

they may both be dead yet not completely. i cannot kill with a rotting mind over flowing with fears.

when i open my eyes, there is darkness. the crooked branches of the tree continue to sway in the early night and the dust from the curtain tickles at my nose. i place the phone back on the wall receiever without saying goodbye to detective louisa and return to bed, my legs weak and my head shaken.

when i push open the door, there's somebody else in my room.

"uh, sorry." i apologise, hesitating at the door before hurrying inside and closing it behind me.

the same girl who passed me on the stairs with dark hair tied up in a knot and make up smeared beneath her eyes looks back at me with green eyes. the makeup beneath her eyes has been wiped away and her hair has been thrown up again.

"oh, you're my roommate?" the look of astonishment tells me she hadn't realised who i would be until now. "shit, i would have been more friendly back there. sorry, i've had a tough fucking night. i won't bore you with my drama just yet but... but i'm penny. you are?"

"sophia." i manage to say, rigidly sitting down on the sheets of the bed.

"and why are you here again?"

why am i here? everything i should say floods to my mouth. yet it drains away, replaced with a simple, "i've got no where else to go at the moment. i'll have somewhere soon."

she slowly nods, still looking at me with curiousity. "well, that's... sad. i left my home to travel for a while. i've been here for two months and i'm not even sure why."

i silently nod. we brush our teeth in silence and climb into bed, not another word being uttered.