Inside My Head At 3am

Help [Poem]

You told me that I needed to ask for help
to be open with how I feel
because asking for help is necessary
if you truly want to heal

You said I should let people know
when I'm anxious or depressed
but I was reluctant
and didn't want to cause stress

"Help is always out there"
"Everyone needs it sometimes"
These are the things you told me
that helped to change my mind

I thought some more about it
and then I started to see
maybe, just maybe
this help could work for me

I told you I was struggling
I couldn't pay attention or sit still
and you were more than happy
to hop me up on pills

I was grateful then
and I am grateful still
but what if helping me
required more than paying bills?

Now as time goes by
my mind is ever changing
while popular culture and society
are restlessly plaguing

I'm becoming more irritable
and uncontrollably angry
If I were someone else
I have no doubt I would hate me

But now as I ask for more
for help that requires action
you turn me away
because it impacts your satisfaction

I can't remember
to take my meds
or to ignore the voices in my head

I can't remember by myself
so all I ask
is for a little bit of help

But you tell me
that you won't always be there
to guide me through

But I was told
that if I need help
I could ALWAYS turn to you

Does always have an expiration date?
Does it have a limit?
I'm sorry I wasn't aware
Maybe you meant
only when it was for your own benefit
would I be able to count on you
and you would be there

Whether I should ask for help or not
you need to make yourself clear
because I would like to know
if I need to rely on myself
going into this new year

If you need help finding a mental health professional to help you, please call the SAMHSA Treatment Referral Hotline at  1‑877‑726‑4727
or go to
www.mentalhealth.gov