Broken- Louis Tomlinson fanfiction

Chapter 9

Ember's POV

"I'll be back around nine or ten. You'll be fine right?" He asks

"Yes. I was fine before. I'll be fine today Louis." I say convincing him. But it felt like I was trying to convince myself more than Louis.

"Okay bye. Call me if you need anything." I nod my head and he gives me a quick hug goodbye. Then just like that I'm alone again.

I sigh. Louis was leaving again to go on that date with Eleanor. I was right. Everyone just leaves me. I mean its not like he actually cares if I'm okay. I back away from where I was standing and make my way to the couch to watch some tv. I turned it on to a random soap opera that was on. I could care less because I was too caught up in my thoughts.

I didn't know why I cared so much but I didn't want Louis to leave. I mean- he could do anything he wants. But I know that he will be spending so much time with Eleanor, and he will forget about me. He will just brush me off to the side, just like everyone else did. If he was just going to leave me then why the hell am I here? No one cares about you. Remember? They all left... My thoughts itch to my brain. What was wrong with me? I wish Louis never found me. I didn't want to be here. That was final. I couldn't not focus on the past. It was too hard.

A small tear falls from my eye. I start to picture Ethen. I try to shake the images from my mind but it didn't help. I don't know what's happening. My breath becomes very heavy. What was happening? I started to pace around the room. Wait. This happened before. I was having a panic attack. I couldn't breath properly, everything was in a blur. My mind was rolling and making me feel dizzy. Last time I did this I had a distraction. I need a distraction! I run around the room searching around for anything. I find myself in the bathroom. I know he had one. I found his shaver. He took a shower and must have forgotten to put it away. I press it against my skin; craving the touch. The first cut wasn't deep. But it calmed me just a little. The second one was much deeper. My red blood oozed out of my snow white skin. I wince and a tear falls from my eye. I cut one last time onto my right wrist. Making all the dizziness go away. I drop the shaver and stay sitting on the bathroom floor. I pulled out a towel to stop the bleeding. I sat there for so long. Just letting all my emotions flow out. All I could think was, Louis would be so disappointed in me...

Louis' POV

"Thanks for the dinner Louis," she smiles as I pull up to her apartment building.

"Of course. I'll give you a call sometime this week." I say with a crazy smile on my face.

"Great. Bye see you later!" she cheers then leaves the car running to her home. When she's out of sight I speed home. The whole date was great but I couldn't get the feeling out of my head that Ember wasn't okay on her own. I know I shouldn't be leaving her and I'm being so stupid. I signed up to watch over her and now I'm leaving her alone in my house? Wow Im so stupid.

I finally get to the apartment, praying she's okay. I walk in and throw my keys on their place on the table. I shove off my coat and shoes.

"Ember?" I call out. I check in the living room; not there. Kitchen; not there. Bedroom; not there. Okay now I was freaking out. I went into the bathroom, hoping not see what I saw last time. I open the door and see Ember sitting on the floor, her head in her hands. I rushed to her side immediately when I saw her covering her right arm with a towel. I knew what she did.

"Ember. No. What happened?" I said knelling to her side.

"I'm so sorry Louis." she chokes on her own tears. I see her arm still covered.

"Give me your arm." I demand. She shakes her head.

"Ember please." I plead. She hands me her right arm and I almost double over at the sight. There where 3 bloody cuts on her wrist. I hold her arm, ever so gently. I duck my head down in hurt. She hurt herself again. Even if she didn't know it, but, it hurt me so much to see her in this pain. A sharp pain comes from my stomach. A pain of displeasure.

"Ember please don't do this." I say.

"Please don't hate me," she cries

"No, no. I would never hate you. Please stop this." I say "Come on, you have to clean this up."

She doesn't respond, so I help her back to her feet. I find a fresh towel and dampen it with warm water. I look up to Ember and she is looking down.

"Give me your arm." I remember saying those word just a day ago when I was wrapping that plastic bag around her bandaged arm. She puts her wounded arm out and I take it very gently, almost as if I touch her she will fall apart. I take the towel and pat it over her first cut. Which causes her to wince in pain. I mumble "sorry" and continue. I wipe the dried blood away and she winces a couple more times. when I finish I quickly go to the medicine cabinet and grab the band-aids. I rush back to the bathroom and take her arm once again, then apply the band-aids onto her fresh cuts. It was hard to do this. Hard to look at her so broken and destroyed. She hurt herself. And I hated seeing her like that. I liked seeing her when she was happy and full of joy. Just like when we went ice skating. I'd never felt more happy.

When I finished cleaning up the bathroom, Ember was sitting on the couch. Looking so upset and drained.

"Come on it's time for bed." I say. She gets up and nods her head. You don't know how much I wanted to ask her why she'd done that to herself. But I knew she wasn't going to explain to me in this state. She gets into the bed, covering herself in the blankets. I can't leave her alone tonight,

"Do you want me to stay with you?" I ask, somewhat nervously.

"Yea." she says in a small voice. "Thanks." she whispers as I step in the room.

"Ok. I'm going to change." I say grabbing my sweats from my drawers. I go into the bathroom and quickly wash my face and brush my teeth. Then change into my blue sweats and leave my upper half bare. I leave the bathroom and go into the bedroom, entering the bed. She didn't seem to mind I was in the bed. It was quiet. Then she spoke up.

"I'm sorry," she says

"Don't be sorry." I respond

"No. I ruin everything." She croaks. Why dose she think this?

"No you don't. Don't say that." I retort. We aren't looking at each other, just talking into the space.

"Really? Because everyone says different." she claims.

"I don't say that."

"I know."

There was another silent again. But I spoke up this time.

"Don't be so hard on yourself Ember. Your a good person." I say bravely

"Thanks." she responds.

"Goodnight." I say

"Goodnight Louis." she yawns.

I just need to know what had happened to her to make think like this. Why would she think she ruins everything? I just wanted to help her and make her feel wanted and loved. I would do anything to mend this broken girl.