Silent Screams, Heard By The Deaf

How Do You Stop Eternity?

"Well, it isn't my fault you aren't a good wife! You choose to stay there all day and night! For goodness sake, you don't even have time for our daughter, Mira!" I listened as my father screamed into the phone to my mother on the other end.

I think I'm about..two or three days past my bedtime now

I haven't gotten sleep in days because of his shouting

I can tell he's trying not to be loud but, it isn't working so well

So, for the past couple nights, I've sneaked out into the hall to listen better

May as well since I'm not going to be able to sleep anyway

"No! No," He sighed, "That's not what I want. You know I don't want that, I love you, Miranda. It's just...I don't understand how you can so blatantly ignore and neglect your husband and daughter. I don't even know who you are anymore." I heard his voice crack and I wanted to cry for him.

And actually, I did.

I sat outside their bedroom door and let the droplets roll down my cheeks as I listened to my mother break my father's heart.

"You don't have to be perfect, Miranda, gosh! You just have to be my fucking wife! And a mother to our daughter, if that isn't too much to ask! Not everything is about you and that fucking bookstore!" He yelled sounding as tired as I felt.

I stood up and walked down the stairs, not wanting to hear anymore of the pain my mother caused.

I don't get her

She used to always tell me how much she loved my dad

That he was the only one she could see herself being with for the rest of her life

That he's just as passionate as he was in college

But this is how she treats him

That woman never fails to find another reason for me to hate her

I heard a door slam and saw my father come down the stairs with red, wet eyes.

He rushed right past the kitchen, not noticing me, and fumbled around with his coat by the front door, looking for his car keys, I guessed.

"Daddy?" My voice was a small peep.

He jumped a little as his eyes darted towards the kitchen and found me.

"Rose Bud?" He walked in the kitchen and turned the light on. "Aw, baby, what are you doing up? You have school tomorrow."

"I um...I couldn't sleep."

He sighed and looked away from me.

"Because of me, right?"

I didn't answer.

I didn't want to say anything bad about my mother in front of him. He loves her too much.

"I'm sorry. I try not to yell, but I've never been able to control my emotions. She just gets me so angry sometimes." He clenched his jaw.

"Where were you about to go?" 

"Huh? Oh," he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I don't know, probably a park. I take my anger out on squirrels and trees and shit." He grinned at me and I laughed.

I swear my dad's just a teenage boy in a grown man's body

"Well...can I come beat up a squirrel with you?"

He laughed loudly and nodded. "Sure."

We walked out the front door and walked down the porch steps.