Mute girl

Chapter nineteen - Mom?

A/N I own nothing of the Twilight saga, and if Stephanie Meyer dies then I will not inherit it, so unfortunately I never will. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, after the little heartbreaker that was the last one!

~ Em. Xxx

Something soft was touching my face — no, that wasn't right, it wasn't soft, it was hard, but it was touching my face so lightly that it felt like feathers. I turned my cheek into the feathers, feeling the cool marble gently cup my cheek.
"Bella, dear, are you awake?" the voice was as soft as the hand, quiet and faraway. I drifted back to the real world slowly, like I was swimming in a lake of forgotten things.

I didn't open my eyes because they felt like they were glued down, but I let myself mumble out something incoherent . The voice returned again, closer this time, and I fought to wake up. "What did you say, dear? Are you awake?" I thought I recognised the voice, now that I could hear it properly. "Mom?" I whispered into the hand cupping my cheek, but I knew she could hear.

"Yes, dear?" she replied, and I could hear the smile in her tone. I opened my eyes in surprise, waking up to find myself in the pretty purple room Alice had made me. I would have protested about how much effort she'd gone to, but the room really was so pretty, and she'd probably enjoyed it more than the many shopping trips she'd dragged me on anyway. "Mom?" I mumbled again, before realising what I had said. I covered my mouth with embarrassment, turning a bright shade of beetroot red. "Esme, I'm so sorry!" I apologised, not even noticing how croaky my voice sounded after so long without use.

"Shh, dear, it's okay, you can call me Mom if you want to, I don't mind. I'd love it, actually," she smiled serenely, her face completely lit up with her happiness. I continued to blush bright red, but nodded nervously. I knew that she'd lost her own son back when she was human, and Esme was the most motherly person I'd ever met, so it actually felt quite natural to call her Mom.

She moved to straighten out my sheets, and I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. All I seemed to do here was sleep, but I supposed that that made sense, since I'd barely slept a jot when I lived with Charlie. "Would you like some breakfast?" she asked, smiling kindly at me. I raised my eyebrow — how long had I been asleep? "J-just some tea, please," I said, not hungry at all after my little experience with Edward. "Why didn't you wake me up?" I added, curious as to how I managed to stay asleep that long.

"Well, after you passed out, Edward got you back and you did actually wake up a few times, but each time you did you were distraught, kicking and screaming, so Carlisle had to give you a sedative incase you hurt yourself. I think you were having nightmares, triggered by what happened with Edward," she explained, anxiously tapping her foot. I nodded again, thinking that it was strange that I couldn't remember waking up like this. Having nightmares made sense though, as foggy recollection of terrible dreams were coming to mind, now that I thought about it.

She stood up and walked towards a little handbag perched on the drawers."Renée called earlier, she wants to talk to you," she told me, rummaging through the bag and pulling out a phone. "You can call her if you want," I nodded and gulped audibly. I was not looking forwards to this conversation. Esme clicked the right number and passed the phone over to me, her cold fingers just touching mine.

"Bella?" my Mother's light, sing-song voice sounded through the speaker. "Hi Renée — Mom," I said a little warily. "What on Earth happened?" she demanded. "First you stop calling me, then, months later, I get rung up by social services to be told that not only has my daughter been abused my ex-husband, but that she's now living with a group of complete strangers!" I bit my lip nervously, trying hard to think of a reply. "But Bella, what I really want to know is if you're okay. Are you? I can't even remember the last time I heard your voice!" I hesitated, but answered anyway. "Yes Mom, I'm fine, or as fine as I can be anyway. And the C-Cullen's aren't strangers. They're pretty great actually."

I glanced over at Esme, who smiled a little at that. "I'm sorry that I let you go live with him, Bella," Renée admitted. "But he told me he'd changed," I felt my mind fumbling about for a thought that made sense. She'd known? She'd known that Charlie would do this, and she didn't even think to warn me? I felt myself boiling with anger, my rage clouding everything. But I had to keep control and bottle my emotions; I couldn't say anything. "You knew?" was what I said, my voice devoid of any emotion. "Well, I had an idea," she told me. "He only ever hit me once, which was just before I left. He said he'd changed, and you seemed so happy that I thought he really had."

"What do I do now?" I asked, my voice weak and broken. I had no idea, I just wanted my Mom to tell what to do. "Well, you're away from Charlie now, so you're okay. Maybe you should go see a therapist," she suggested, but I could tell that she wasn't really paying attention. My erratic, harebrained mother barely had time for anything other than Phil, especially not for her far away daughter, however much she might have cared for me.

"Do you want me to come back to Jacksonville? I understand if you do," I couldn't help but ask. I wanted to stay with the Cullen's, of course, but I also wanted to feel normal, in control, like I did with Renée. I wanted to be ordinary again, just like any other girl. So I asked her, like I thought I should. "Well, I was going to talk to you about that," she replied, a little note of guilt seeping into her voice. "I think it would be best if, you know, since the Cullen's are so nice, you could stay with them for a bit. I mean, you're settled in Forks and you've only got another year in high school — and Phil just got this really great opportunity to play for The Critters."

I blinked hard, frozen. She didn't want me — of course she didn't, how could she? But the pain of rejection still stung hard, a terrible dropping feeling in my chest. "Of course Mom," I told her, my voice barely breaking. I hated this feeling, this denial and hatred and pain. I just wanted to be loved — just wanted to be wanted, for goodness sake. My own Mother didn't want me, useless as I was. She prioritised her new husband, and I understood. Honestly. I just wished she didn't. "I hope that Phil makes the cut," I said, glancing briefly at Esme. She was looking at me sympathetically, reaching her hand to hold mine.

"Oh, I'm sure he will!" Renée continued, our conversation forgotten in a second. "I'll call you as soon as I know, but I've got to go know, so can we say goodbye?" I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Sure, Mom. Have a nice day."

"You too, Bella, bye then!" The line disconnected and I handed the phone back to Esme. "Are you okay?" she asked, her tone soft and warm. I smiled shakily, trying to put my emotions into words. "Yeah, I guess I am. I just wanted... I don't know. I suppose I just wanted her to say she loved me, and she didn't. Not once. But that's okay. It's okay. I'm okay," my voice broke and I choked back a sob, not about to let myself lose control.

"Oh Bella," she said, wrapping her arms around me tightly. "It's okay to not be okay. You know that we love you, and I understand that you want her." I hugged her back, careful not let another tear slip. "Thanks Mom," I whispered, the name sounding right when I used it for her. "You're welcome, sweetheart," she pulled away and smiled at me. "I think it's time for breakfast," she stood up and walked towards the door.

For a second she paused, hesitating by the doorway, then she turned back to me." I forgot to ask before but is it... is it alright if Edward comes in here? He really wants to speak to you, and I promise nothing bad will happen," she asked hesitantly, watching my reaction closely. I paused, but decided to grit my teeth and get on with it. I was still upset about what had happened with Renée, but I felt like this would be a good thing. Talking to Edward would be painful, messy, but entirely necessary. I loved him, so much, and so I had to end things with him. I couldn't let this continue.

"Okay, but can you please stay with me?" I agreed reluctantly, shifting my gaze back onto her face. She nodded, smiling a little, and clasping my hand tightly in her's. "It's alright, Bella, he'll be just a second," she murmured, obviously listening to something I couldn't hear. I heard a few light thumps on the stairs, turning to Esme just as the door opened. "Thanks Mom," I said, and it felt right to say that, despite everything.