Mute girl

Chapter twenty one - All alone.

A/N Hey guys, or ,,Hallo leute'', for anyone who speaks German (I probably spelt that wrong). Just incase you've been ignoring the last twenty or so author's note and are planning on taking me to court — don't. Seriously, please don't. I have not got the money to fight some long winded copyright court case when everyone knows I don't own the Twilight saga, or any of its characters.

Thank you for not suing me,

Em. Xxx

I didn't say anything — how could I? I'd hurt him, the best thing I had in my life, and there was no excuse for what I'd done.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! I chanted internally, my face heating up with tears. I was alone, completely isolated, but I was sure that the rest of the Cullen's could hear my sobs from downstairs. How long had I been up there? Hours, surely. The sun had long since set behind the trees and Esme had left to talk to Carlisle quite some time ago.

I hugged my knees closer to my chest and buried my face in them. Why couldn't I be better? Why couldn't I have let him kiss me — wanted him to kiss me? Tears wracked my body; the hot water flowing down my cheeks burnt everywhere they touched.
Why couldn't I have just been normal — an unbroken, unscarred, normal sort of girl? Because I wasn't normal, and Charlie had made sure of that.

I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow, trying to find a way to muffle the crying. I held my breath for twenty seconds. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, I counted in my head, before my headache started to get worse. At least it gave me back some measure of control over the tears.

I heard a slight shuffle behind the door, then a timid little knock."Bella?" she said, her voice a flute-like soprano. I didn't move, waiting for Alice to come in, like I knew she would. "I just got back. Are you alright?" I stayed silent. Was she in the room yet? I hadn't heard the door open, but her voice was definitely closer.

"I saw what happened, with you and Edward." She sat down on the bed, swinging her legs over the side and shuffling closer to me. My head was still buried in the pillow, stopping me from seeing her, but I could feel the slight dip in the bed. I shivered a little as she ran her fingers through my hair, her cold skin nearly making me flinch.

"Can I ask you something Bella? Because I really don't understand it." She spoke low, and I wondered if it was to stop the others from hearing what she was going to say. Sighing, I rolled over and faced her, her eyes just inches above mine. "Don't understand what, Alice?" I was proud of myself, because my voice hardy shook at all, and I spoke almost as quietly as she had.

"You and Edward — why did you break up?" Her eyes dropped from mine, examining instead some infinitesimal detail of my shoulder, as though she were memorising it. I bit my lip and burrowed closer into her. How could I answer her question? How could I explain it, in terms that she would understand, so that I didn't look weak? I couldn't, but I could try. I formulated the seeds of a few sentences in my head, mulling over it before I spoke.

Patience appears to be a virtue valued by vampires. She didn't press me, nor look uncomfortable in the silence. I suppose that when you have eternity to wait, it doesn't seem like such a chore.

"I... I can't be with him. Not like that, not the way he wants me to. I can't ever just be normal — I can't guarantee that I'll always be able to talk, or that I'll ever be able to kiss him. I can't even say if I will ever trust him, after everything that's happened! I don't want to have to put him through that, not when he could have so much better."

Alice frowned and turned her head to the side, her fingers lacing themselves into my hair. "You don't need to save him, Bella, because he won't care how long it takes, just so long as you're happy. If you're not ready for a relationship, then that's okay — but don't let this terrible self-hate you seem to have stop you from being with Edward."

I nodded and wiped away the tears on my cheek. I was sure I looked like a mess since I'd been crying for hours; my head pounded with an evil headache while my whole face was hot and sticky from tears. Alice reached over and swept away one of the tears with her thumb, the cool skin of her finger feeling great after the heat of my own body.

"It's going to be okay, Bella. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but there are ways to fix what has happened to you. I promise that we will all try our best to help you in anyway we can." I lifted my eyes to her's and saw the hidden meaning in them. She was smiling softly, as though she meant everything she said, but I could see the slight melancholy behind her expression and the words she didn't want to say.

"Something bad's going to happen, isn't it?" I asked with trepidation. My voice was hoarse and croaky, a quiet statement of fact despite what she'd just said. I left no room for argument, no doubt that what I was saying was true — and she didn't deny it. "You've had another vision, haven't you? Oh dear God, what's going to go wrong now?"

She paused before she answered, trying to gloss over the truth. "No, not really — it's just going to change, Bella, that's all. Nothing to worry about, I promise." But I knew she was lying. A sudden wave of panic crashed through me as I surveyed the situation — what could have been so bad that she had to hide it from me?

I opened my mouth to question her, to find out the truth of what she'd said, bug I found my panic replaced by lethargy. My eyelids drooped down; suddenly weighing a million pounds, and I realised that she'd manipulated me again. "No, Jasper, I don't want to go to sleep!" I tried to shout; but it came out in a painful garble, more of a mutter really, before I shut my eyes properly and dropped down onto the pillow.