Born To Make History (boyxboy)

Epilogue

Dear Victor,
It's been a week since you died. Seven days without hearing your voice, without your smile, without your hand slotted perfectly into mine... Every second of it has felt like an hour, each day a month. I constantly find myself opening my mouth to tell you something, then finding just an empty space beside me. Not just an empty space; it's a void, devoid of you. I like to think you've found happiness somewhere, because it's just like you to do that. Even if there's just a vast expanse of nothingness in death, you would find some way to be happy.
I miss our dates. I miss the time ticking away as we spent it together, always laughing and smiling, and it was never wasted with you. Every moment was glorious and golden and I wouldn't trade it for an eternity with anybody else. I only wish I hadn't taken your company for granted so often. I saw how much you loved me and I relied on it, used it, even. You never complained though, not once, just provided love and comfort as required.
Everybody keeps telling me you were 'gone too soon' and it's especially tragic to them that we never got the chance to get married or have a family and all the other things I know we both wanted to do but were too shy to seriously talk about. I have come to terms with this, which is perhaps most surprising of all. As they say, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Our love was fast and sweet and intrinsically good. Not many can say the same. I didn't need anymore time because the time you did give me was time enough, and it will ever be precious to me. In that short time, I learnt more about myself than anybody else could have taught me in a lifetime. I learnt to love, also, and to be loved. I allowed myself to be cherished, and I let myself be selfish with you in the name of love. It's a beautiful and painful thing to be in love, you once told me. I agree.
I'm too young to become a spinster, Victor, don't deny that. I don't doubt that I'll some day fall in love again, but it won't be moving on. You'll always be my first and only true love. Anybody else will be a completely different affair, though I'll love them too.
The thing I struggle with most regarding your death is that I never got the chance to tell you one very important thing. Victor, if you're reading this, and maybe you're an angel reading over my shoulder as I write it, there's something I want you to know. I loved you deeply, more than I ever thought was possible and it ran through every vein and drop of blood in my body- I still do. I'll love you until I take my final breath, and then I'll be happy like you always were because I'll see you once more.
Sleep tight, my love.
Undeniably and irrevocably yours,
Yuri.