cancer - joshler

♡14

there are some points in life when you feel pointless.

tyler has a lot of those days.

those are the worse,

especially when he has cancer.

he thinks sometimes it's not worth it.

those days he has to take breath by breath,

reason being his mind gets to ahead of him.

he doesn't mean to feel like this,

it just tends to happen.

he always feels guilty because he thinks of leaving,

leaving this world,

leaving his world,

josh.

when he remembers josh he feels sick,

maybe it's because he loves him,

and when he thinks of leaving josh it hurts.

it's never fun thinking for tyler,

tyler isn't an average thinker,

he thinks deep within,

more than what is expected,

but somehow it's worked for him,

because of the over thinking he meet josh,

he didn't want to be alone so he made music,

music that he was afraid for people to heard,

reason to that is because they will see what's inside.

because tyler writes for within,

within his heart,

soul,

and body.

but once he let music out for people to listen to,

it was for the best,

if it wasn't for that music,

he may have never come to be josh's boyfriend.

maybe would have never got close with him.

maybe never became friends with him.

music is what started it all up for tyler.

from when he was young and had cancer,

to when he would doubt himself,

to when he needed to know someone else related,

to when he was at his lowest,

to when he was happy in love,

to now,

when he has cancer,

once again.

it seems like the beginning of his life is now a cycle.

he grow up to be a happy boy,

he got cancer,

became sad,

doubting if everything was worth it,

to seeing the light in things,

(over-coming cancer)

now growing up to be an adult

to being happy with his career,

to getting famous with his best friend,

to falling in love,

to getting cancer,

to becoming sad once again,

to doubting if things are worth it,

now all he needs was the light,

but his life is a cycle nothing to do to change it.

tyler of course saw the light in josh and his fans,

but days when tyler would ponder,

that light wasn't bright enough.

•

josh just wanted to know what was wrong.

he can see the look on tyler's face,

the looking of someone thinking,

josh knows from past times tyler thinking isn't good.

not that tyler can't think,

just the look on his face when he doubts himself,

is never a good look.

it makes josh want to slap tyler and know what's up,

but tyler won't speak.

not about his thoughts at least.

tyler would drop anything for josh,

in a heart beat.

and josh would do the same.

but the one thing josh wants is answers.

and the one thing tyler won't give is answers.