It's Never Daisies

Premonition

I saw it coming and even so my heart
Is so very fucking torn
I need you here with me but you're gone now

I know I pushed you to unimaginable lengths
I put a strain on you
That I know you couldn't bear

But I hoped that you would stay
I wanted you to fight for me
For us to fight for us
I should have fought for you

I miss your eyes even though you hate them
My puddle eyes are nothing in comparison to the gems you held

I miss the your stupid teeth because even though you hated them the smile they'd bare would brighten my day

I miss the early days and the simplicity of it all and the ease that we had in it all I miss the innocence

I miss you and the embraces and those few late nights we shared, the nights I'll cherish forever

I even miss the arguments because even though they'd break us we always come back to us being okay in the end proving how madly in love I was; am still and how it could always work out

I miss the thought of you being mine
The idea that I belonged to you and you I
I'm so alone now and it's to no fault but my own

Please come back I need you to hold me more than anything right now, please tell me it's not over tell me we'll be okay

I know I am selfish and I hurt you and I broke you and put myself before you but believe me in saying I despise every fibre of my being for that

Please come back to me my dearest
I know that I ruined us
I take blame in running us to the ground
But I even miss that wreckage we became

I can't handle this on my own
I need you
You have no idea how much I need you
Please know that I will regret nothing more in my life than having let you slip through my grasp

I can never fix that
I can never take back what I've done
I fucking hate myself for this
Please
Come back
Please

I'm so fucking lost
I don't want to lose you
I didn't want to end
I didn't want any of this

I'm sorry I let this happen
I'm sorry I didn't stop it
I'm sorry I'm the way I am
I'm sorry I can't help you
I'm sorry for not showing you what you meant to me

I'm sorry

I love you still
I know that won't stop
It'll fizzle away over time in the back of my mind and in my heart

But that feeling is a constant
It always was
Always will be

You'll lie there for the rest of my life
Like a punch to the chest
Like a broken rib cage
Like the feeling of filling lungs
All like nothing and everything all at once

I've left myself with only the memories
I've truly lost you

And worst of all I don't even have the fucking courage to tell you this for the fear of being told no, for the fear you've had enough, that you truly don't want me anymore

I don't know what will hurt more
Never knowing
Or stepping up and being turned away
I'll miss you forever
I'm so very sorry

What the fuck have I done