Love Markson

Part 17

**************************Self harm*****************************

Jackson P.O.V

I have not been able to sleep since Mark has been missing. At first I would lay in my bed and stare at gis empty one. Now I just sleep in Marks bed. I cry myself to sleep but then wake up an hour or two later not able to go back to sleep. Around four in the morning everyone gets up and gets ready to leave around five thirty. I am always the first one ready lately since I have nothing better to do.

Whenever we have practice I can't focus and always forget my lines and dance moves making the rest of the group suffer. Today I made an excuse of being sick so BamBam stayed with me. He saw through me and just laid in bed with me and let me let my fears and tears out. I told him everything... well almost everything.

I didn't tell him about my dark side, my scars, or my forming scars. Those are my secrets. Nobody needs to know about them.

Every night after I finally fall asleep and then wake up I go to the bathroom. I find my razor and cut... deep. It hurts but helps me get through it. I hate that I do this. I can't do it on my arms since it is the summer so I have to cut on my upper thighs where nobody would see.

"Jackson." I looked up at BamBam forgetting he was in the room with me.

"Jackson... why are your legs cut up?" I looked down at my legs quickly and say that my shorts had risen up showing my scars. I didn't answer.

"Jackson-hyung... please tell me." He sounded so concerned and worried I just had to cry more. BamBam wrapped his arms around me and cried with me.

"Thank you." I barley said this loud enough for him to hear but he still did.

"Always." I let a small smiling reach my lips. Minutes later I fell asleep and dreamt of my worst nightmare.

BamBam P.O.V

Jackson fell asleep in my arms and I just sat there thinking.

He is broken.

I need to help him.

How though?

Find Mark.

That is easier said than done.

I got up from Jackson's bed and went into his bathroom. I rummaged through all the drawers and found the razor. I contemplated hiding the razor but didn't know where to hide it. I sat down on the edge of the tub trying to find a place to hide it when Jackson walked in. He stared at me in shock.

"I thought you were sleeping." I didn't get an answer instead Jackson ran up to me and grabbed the razor from my hand.

"It is bad enough I do it. I can't see anyone else suffer like me. Especially my BabyBam." With that I grabbed the razor from is hand threw it away and just hugged him.

"Jackson, we are all suffering. We all miss Mark. Sadly, you are the one taking the worst blow." 

That moment I finally realized how broken and how much Jackson really loved Mark.

*Flashback*

"Excuse me miss, where is my food?" This was Mark talking.

"Sorry Gay, I don't serve people like you."

"What? Gays'?"

"Yeah I don'y serve food to gay people." Everyone, even Jackson picked up their plates and handed them back to the waitress than Jaebum said,

"Well I guess you can't serve any of us then." The look on her face made everyone burst out laughing once she left with our food.

Once we calmed down Jackson spoke up.

"Wait, so all of you are gay?"

"I'm not." That was Jinyoung. He is the only straight guy in this group, well maybe Jackson is straight, I don't know.

"Then why did you give her your plate?" Jackson was confused but so were we when Jinyoung asked,

"Why did you?" That shut Jackson up.

*End of Flashback*

Maybe he really does love Mark.