HHHHH

More angst

I opened my eyes and shivered from the cold and slammed the car door. It was probably the coldest damn day I've ever endured. I couldn't wait to go inside and see him. I'd been looking forward to it all day. He always gave the best warm hugs. And made the best soup. I smiled thinking about it. The thought already mad me feel warm inside.
I knew he never locked the top lock so I ignored it and began unlocking the bottom one. I was shocked to find it already unlocked. I frowned and opened the door.
"Miles?" I called. It was quiet. It was weird not coming home to the light music playing in the kitchen. A sense of dread filled me. I took off my jacket and put my keys up. I nervously rubbed my ring and slowly made my way to kitchen and sighed when I saw him sitting on the floor.
"Millie," I gave him a smile. He grunted and lifted a cup to his lips. My smile fell as I recognised the liquid. He tried to stand up, stumbling a bit.
"Where 'ave you been?" His words were slurred. The pit in my stomach grew as I realised this wasn't bubbly drunk Miles, it was angry drunk Miles. I took a small step back so that I was half hidden by the arch that was the the opening to the kitchen. My left hand rested on the inside of the arch, near the cabinets.
"Work," I replied quietly. He looked at me and walked over to the fridge to pull out a bottle of rum that he must have gotten earlier. I clenched my teeth. How could he? I was at a loss for words as he poured himself another drink.
"I thought they let you off at six thirty," he grumbled. I knitted my eyebrows together and leaned on the the other side of the arch, crossing my arms.
"I told you I'd be working overtime for the next few days. I'm trying to save money for the trip," I said through my teeth. He shrugged and realised he didn't care about the cup anymore. He poured it messily back into the bottle of Admiral Nelson and turned his back to me to put the cup in the sink. I wiped a tear away. "You promised me."
I watched him pause. I stood up straight and walked over to the counter.
"You said you wouldn't drink. Not this close to our anniversary. You couldn't have waited to fall back into your habits until after this weekend?" I saw him flinch. He turned to face me.
"Fuck off," was all he said before grabbing the bottle and taking a swig. I imagined that it burned as it went down his throat. I hoped it did.
"Have you been seeing Dr. K about this?" I asked. He didn't reply. I clenched my fist and leaned over the counter. "You haven't, have you? Fuck, Miles, come on! Those meetings are expensive, and you're not even showing up."
"I don't need them," he said.
"Like hell you don't. You can't stay sober for less than twelve hours, Miles. That is a problem, we have a problem. You have a problem, Miles!"
"Oh come off it, I don't have a bloody problem!" He laughed. "You are just being dramatic."
"Miles, you are slowly killing yourself! What do you mean you don't have a problem?" I cried.
"My drinking isn't the problem," he growled, facing me.
"Yes! Yeah, actually, it is. It's ninety-nine percent of our problems, actually," I growled back.
"And the other one percent is you meddling in issues that don't concern you!" He harshly set his bottle down on the counter and pointed at my chest. I smacked his hand away with a scoff.
"Not my- I'm sorry, not my concern? Did you forget that we are engaged? How the fuck is this not my fucking concern?" I was getting angry. Really angry. How dare he? "I spend all day at work, extra hours, just to pull the weight that you can't seem to, only to come home to you getting waisted and acting like a complete dick. Is this really what I deserve? Is it?"
"Fuck off and leave me alone!" He shoved himself away from my face.
"No! Give it to me."
"What?"
"Give me the fucking bottle, Miles," I stood my ground. Miles' drunken scowl made my hands shake.
"Come and take it from me, ye fuckin cunt," he hissed. He's never gotten violent with me. Never. But I always had the fear that he might. That he would hurt me. Because he definitely could. Even though he was shorter than me, he's much stronger. We stared at each other in a stalemate. He scoffed, knowing I wouldn't do anything. "Coward."
"Millie-"
"Fuck off," he turned his back on me again. I reached out for him.
"Miles, I love you. You know I just want you to get better," he pulled his arm away from me. "I just want to see you happy."
"I can't stand you," he sneered. My heart broke.
"You don't mean that Miles," I whispered.
"Drunken words are sober thoughts," he said quietly, refusing to meet my eye.
"Tomorrow morning you're going to regret all of this. You know that," I told him. He flipped around on me.
"Maybe, but I ain't regrettin anythin I'm sayin now!" He yelled. "Tomorrow me is a fuckin' tool. He can go off a cliff for all I care, the fuckin' Cock sucking fairy. I'd rather not be associated with him." I was taken aback by his outburst. I had to remind myself this wasn't really him, it was the alcohol. I could smell it on his breath from the other side of the island.
"Please, you're being ridiculous!" I snapped back.
"Leave me alone," he seethed.
"Three years, Miles. We've been together for three years, can't you just listen to me for once? Can't we have a peaceful evening together just once?"
"Leave me alone."
"Stop being such a child!"
"I said leave me alone!" He grabbed the glass cup from the sink and threw it at the cabinets, shattering it. It wasn't anywhere near me but I still jumped. I stared at him in shock. I think even he was surprised by his outburst. We both stood in silence not exactly knowing what to do. I felt a tear burn down my cheek. My whole body was shaking. From anger, from worry, from sorrow- I'm not sure. I glared at him.
"Fine," I turned around and went to grab my coat and keys.
"Where are you goin'?" He followed me out of the kitchen.
"You want me to leave you alone, then fine. I don't have to take this, Miles. I'm not going to sit here and listen to you insult me and insult yourself. I don't need to be threatened like this."
"Oh come off it! I did not threaten you," he whined. I stared at him in disbelief and looked past him at the shattered glass. He followed my gaze and said nothing more. I took a deep breath and turned away.
"How can I help you if you can't even help yourself," I looked down at my engagement ring. It was beautiful. It had a shiny gold band and a citrine stone cut in a circle surround by tiny diamonds. I hesitantly took it off my finger, getting a glance at the engraving inside. "And if you hate me so much," I set the ring on the table near the door. "You can take this back." I opened the door and walked out. I shivered realising I hadn't grabbed my coat. But I wasn't going back to grab it now.
"Yeah, who needs you, anyway, right?" He called out after me. I refused to turn back and give him that satisfaction. I remember sitting in the car for thirty minutes trying to figure out what had just happened. I had decided to go over to Sarai's to calm down. I broke down completely once I was in her arms told her everything that had happened. She offered to let me stay with her until Miles and I figured everything out. She had told me, " You two definitely need a break from each other. There is no excusing his actions. You're both exhausted and stressed. About work, and the wedding, and the trip you guys were planning. It's a lot right now. You can work it out later."
"I don't want to work it out again!" I cried. "I always try to work it out but something like this always happens. It will only get worse, I know it. He's never going to try and change. I know it." I pulled at my hair. She lay a hand on my back.
"Antony, lets get some food and let you rest. We can order some Italian? Pasta? What do you want, hon?" she asked softly.
"I want Miles. I want to be in a healthy relationship with him. I don't want to have to continually run out of my own home to you, as much as I do love you Sarai, this is not your responsibility. You shouldn't have to put up with this," I groaned in frustration. She was silent. We both were. I knew she couldn't order that for me. She knew that, too. We sat in front of the fancy fireplace of her ginormous living room. Her house was so huge. It made me feel so small. Sarai sighed.
"Thai food it is, then," she said, standing up and pulling out her phone. I stared at the fire as I listened to her order the food.
He called me. Every thirty minutes the next day. I almost answered. Sarai encouraged me to ignore him. To show I was serious about how things needed to change or I was gone. He left a voicemail on almost every call. I didn't listen to any. I took the day off of work to sit and binge watch Netflix Wrapped in a blanket and being brought food and drink from Sarai's assistants. They all gave me comforting words and I thanked them. Later that night the calls had stopped. I assumed he had given up. I had cried, because that was all I seemed to be good at.
It wasn't till later at night the next day I got the call about the car collision. I remember dropping my phone and not feeling anything. Sarai had to take the call from me. I don't remember crying that day. To the trip to the hospital. I didn't cry upon seeing him with blood dripping down his forehead being taken into the operating room. I didn't cry when they told me his condition. I didn't cry as I called his siblings and Sarai called his aunt. I felt hollow. Like everything that had happened in the last few days weren't real. It was just some distasteful joke.
The ironic part was he wasn't the drunk one in the accident. The other guy was. He had left a message right before that. He was trying to get to me... to apologise in person most likely. That's what he said. That he was on his way to Sarai's. And that he loved me more than anything.
I came to with a nurse hovering over me and Sarai holding me up, my head pounding. I blinked a couple times, the buzzing fluorescent lights burning my eyes.
I rubbed my face. A nurse handed me a cup of water with a smile.
"Thank you," my voice cracked. She nodded and said I could ask for more if I needed. Her and Sarai helped me into the chair.
"Take it easy, okay, sweetie," she gave me a light pat and walked away. I watched her go and then downed the water. It was cool against my dry tongue. I sighed and leaned into Sarai. She was truly the best friend a person could ask for. I looked up to see that Alexander, Miles' father, had arrived and he and Ellie were talking something over.
"It'll be okay, I know it will," Sarai said and offered me a small smile. I sighed.
"What are they talking about?" I nodded at Miles' father and aunt who were whispering.
"Where Miles is going to stay when the hospital releases him," she said. I let out a shaky breath and looked back at the two. I slowly stood. Sarai raised an eyebrow.
"Hansel, maybe you should stay sitting, you just passed out," her voice was worried. I waved her off.
"I'm fine," I reassured her. "I'm alright to walk." She watched me, uncertain as I walked over to the two squabbling parental figures.
"-room at your place, and you are unfit to care for someone recovering from a massive car collision!" Ellie hissed. Alexander rolled his hands.
"I find that very offensive," he coughed. "You're just angry because I'm his father I get final say." I'd forgotten that they had different accents. I couldn't remember where they were from.
"I would never envy you for being a deadbeat father, I'm the one trying to keep your youngest son's best interests in mind. Maybe you should do the same instead of bragging about how you need to pay to get a shag," she scowled. "You live in London. His life is here, now, you can't just uproot more of it! Hasn't he lost enough?" I'd never heard or seen Ellie angry, it was a bit scary. I cleared my throat. They both turned at me. Alexander pushed his dyed ginger hair out of his face.
"What do you want, kid?" He frowned.
"You guys were talking about where he should stay, right?" I bit my lip self consciously. They glanced at each other.
"Aye, we are, what's it to you?" Alexander scoffed. Ellie slapped him on the chest. He gave her a confused look.
"Hansel, you must understand our concern of letting him come back to live with you at your place. He it's gonna take some time for-"
"Now stall the ball, this is Hansel? Huh, thought he'd be taller," Ellie and I both stared at him.
"We've met before, sir," I whispered. "At the engagement party?"
"Oh, my apologies, I must 'ave been bloody plastered up a wall," he laughed. Ellie sighed and shook her head.
"Ignore him, he's a bit... tired. Late night," she took a deep breath. "Hansel, I think we're gonna have him stay with me until further notice."
"Please," I grasped her hands. I could feel the cold metal of my ring burning into my skin. "I want to help him, I mean, maybe it'll help jog back some memories? I know the apartment's a bit of a mess but I could clean it up!"
"Hansel, I want you to be with him, I really do, but you are currently holding three part time jobs to sustain yourself, and he is going to need constant attention," she explained. My head dropped. I felt so... so... empty? Devastated? Both? Alexander's countenance changed to one of pity and remorse.
"Well," he started. "I could give him a job at the company?" Eldath raised looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. "A full time, and he'd be able to work from home for the time being. Might need to do phone calls and computer work but he wouldn't have to leave. Of course, I'll need Savvy to fire someone first but..." I ignored the last part and felt my heart soar.
"A full time job?" I gasped. I was currently hopping from job to job, flipping burgers to folding clothes. Juggling trying to pay off student loans and being able to pay off bills got harder when the accident happened since Miles wasn't there to help. A full time job from home would be a miracle.
"Why not? You just have to keep the fact that I pulled some strings a secret," he winked. "I'll send you the details via email tomorrow mornin'. The pay is much better than minimum wage, that's for sure." Knowing tomorrow I could possibly resign from my job at McDonald's was like a sigh of relief.
"I- thank you! Thank you so much!" I looked at Ellie. She looked a bit uncertain.
"There is going to be a catch to this job, you know. With this guy, there's always a catch," she elbowed her brother in the side.
"As long as I can be with Miles, I don't care," I felt tears coming on.
"Alright, I guess that's okay. I trust you will take care of Miles, my only problem is how he'll react to it," she sighed. I nodded.
"Well cross that bridge when we get to it," Alexander said. I looked back at the door then over at Sarai. I threw her a smile. She smiled back.
"Expect constant visits from me," Ellie said. I nodded again. "And calls. I will be here to make sure he has a successful recovery. And so that he knows he's not alone. So that you know you're not alone." She put a hand on my shoulder. I chuckled.
"Thanks," I smiled.
"Well, let's hope he doesn't freak out when he finds out he's staying with practically a stranger,"Alexander grumbled looking at his reflection in a compact mirror. He was a good looking man for his age. His hair was dyed to hide an greying but he had very good genes. Still looked in his late thirties at least. Barely any wrinkles in his skin, clean shaven as well. His eyes were a piercing baby blue, they gave off an aura of power and control but his smile was warm and inviting like you could talk to him about anything and he'd always have your back. He was wearing a dark navy blue business suit and white with baby blue striped tie. His black shoes were shiny and clean. His appearance emphasised his "I'm the boss" energy. It was a contrast from his sister.
Ellie's hair was long and silver. She also looked younger than her actual age, looking about the same age as Alexander seemed. She wore flowing, loose fitted clothes that were blue and grey. She wore silver bands around her wrist and rings on almost every finger. She also had bright blue eyes like Alexander but they were gentler, more peaceful. She had a scar on Her eyebrow that ran up to her forehead. It didn't take away from her gentle physique though. You could definitely tell that her and Alexander were related, they had the same face shape, eyes and nose. Twins ran in Miles' family, they were no exception. Except maybe that they were two out of three triplets.
"Well," a voice from behind made us all look. Sarai was stretching. "We don't need to tell him now, I suppose." Ellie sighed.
"You're right, lets wait for him to get better physically before we drop anything wild news on him," Alexander said pulling out his phone typing out a text. Ellie bit her lip nervously.
"And if he freaks out?" She asked. We all looked between ourselves.
We'll cross that bridge when we get there.