HHHHH

Not super angst

Jordan and Gabriel were super confused. Which was super valid. I mean last they knew, Calisto and I were mortal enemies and now I was sobbing, pouring my heart out to him as he held me and comforted me with understanding. A lot changed when Miles was hospitalised.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait," Jordan waved her arms and shook her head expressively. "We're friends with him now? I thought you hated Calisto, Hansel?" Calisto stuck out his tongue and winked.
"Read it and weep, baby," He snickered. His arm wrapped around my shoulder.
"Well," I hiccuped. "It's a bit complicated." It was very complicated. You see, Calisto was Miles' ex boyfriend. They had dated before Miles began dating me. And everyone knew, even though Miles insisted everything was fine and they only saw each other as friends, that Calisto still very much wanted to be with Miles and was still intensely bitter over being dumped. Calisto was also Sarai's cousin who she was still very close to, which meant he would be at a lot of events that Sarai would host. Which, thusly, meant we couldn't escape him completely.
His personality also wasn't the best. Unlike Sarai, who also grew up extremely rich, he was a complete spoiled brat. He felt entitled to everything. Including Miles. He thought because he was rich and extremely attractive he could do whatever he wanted without little to no consequences. He was constantly flaunting his wealth and flirted with Miles whenever he got the chance, especially in front of me. Just to piss me off. Miles didn't like it either but would try to play it off by saying it was just Calisto's sense of humour. I never bought that. And Miles knew I didn't so we tried to avoid him most of the time.
We used to constantly butt heads. We would get into huge arguments all the time. We Insulted each other as a greeting. We even got into a physical fight once at a party when we were both extremely intoxicated. I lost because, unlike Calisto who is carved out like a Greek god, I can't afford a gym membership and a private trainer and a meal that isn't off the McDonald's dollar menu, but you bet I left some good bruises on those perfect cheek bones.
In fact, last time we saw him in a group setting like this, we all got into a spat about how disrespectful he was being to the staff at one of Sarai's events. And she agreed with us. She usually took my Side because I was always in the right and she loved me, which is why he hadn't called a hit on me yet. I saw him as the worst person in my life and he thought I was dirt under his custom made leather boots. I would ask Miles why he ever even went out with him and the answer was always the same:
"Have you seen him? He is sexy as hell. Also I was a young college kid, cut off by my dad. I needed the cash, and he not only had cake and bank. Do not judge me! Why are you smiling like that? Stop it!"
And we would both laugh and I would always tell him that was a fair answer, but not to let Calisto know because it would just inflate his already humongous ego.
Yeah. Nemeses to being in a hardcore bromance. How did that happen?
I remember pacing in the hospital, I hadn't slept in days, hadn't showered in a week, I was a mess. I was constantly in need of updates on Miles' health. I closed myself off from every one. Sarai would come and visit and try to get me to talk to or distract me but I remained stagnant. On day ten of Miles' being hospitalised he came to visit. He only wore sweatpants and a stained white T-shirt and a grey sweater. His stubble was left untamed and his hair was a mangled mess. He looked like he had had a rough couple nights. It was the most casual I'd ever seen him. I hardly recognised him.
Calisto stopped when he saw me outside of Miles' room and looked at me with a conflicted expression. He had brought a bouquet of random flowers. He made his way up to me with his eyes wrought with worry.
"H-hey," his voice cracked. I stared up at him, defeated and exhausted. I just nodded a response. He hesitantly sat down next to me. He was silent for a long moment. The only sounds were that of a hospital going about it's medical business. He cleared his throat.
"I know you've already heard it a million times," he started. "But I... I'm so sorry." I stayed silent. He was right, I had heard it a million times. I had become numb to it at this point. I was numb to everything. "For a lot of stuff, though. Obviously this-this is a god awful situation and I feel for you but damn." I was taken aback. I had no idea what he was talking about.
"I mean, I heard it was an accident, I'm just assuming he was drunk?" He glanced at me hoping for an answer. I remained silent. I didn't know Calisto knew about Miles' drinking problem. But it shouldn't have shocked me, they used to be boyfriends so of course he would know. He continued. "I can't help but feel I just encouraged that shit. I mean, he was already a bit of a party animal before we met but, you know, that was all our relationship was. Was showing up, looking good, and getting wasted. I knew he didn't care much about me, I was just an bottomless wallet to him. I'm not an idiot, I knew that. I loved him, though. I still do. I love him so much." I heard him sniffling and the waver in his voice. I felt my own hands begin shaking.
"I knew he had a lot of shit going on, a lot of problems but damn it, I was scared. I was scared if I confronted him he would leave me. I think I was also scared of being vulnerable. I don't know, god it's all so stupid now. I should have done it. I should have..." he trailed off hopelessly. After a second of silence his voice got quieter. "I was so envious of you." I finally looked up at him. He was staring at the bouquet of flowers in his hands as tears stained his golden cheeks that were now flushed with his emotions.
"Why you? I thought that over and over. What did you have that I didn't? Why did he love you and he couldn't love me? I would have given him the world on a silver platter if he asked but he still chose you. You, some over anxious, pathetic crybaby. Then it hit me. That is why he chose you. Because you were honest with him. You weren't afraid to be vulnerable. You were braver and kinder then I could ever be. You make me feel insecure, about so many things, so I take my anger out on you. That's not fair. I'm sorry." I blinked in surprise. That's what he was sorry for? He laughed dryly and put his head in his free hand.
"God listen to me," he said. "Even now all I can do is talk about myself. I'm sorry." I put a hand on his back. He looked up at me with tired eyes.
"He wasn't drunk," I told him. He stared at me in surprise at my reply. "And his alcoholism is not your fault. No need to keep beating yourself up over it." He nodded and looked back down at his flowers. He then handed me the bouquet.
"This is for you, I highly doubt Miles could appreciate it right now, and frankly, I think you need just as much support," he said. I gaped in surprise and tenderly accepted the flowers.
"Oh, um, thank you," I whispered. He smiled.
"I didn't go somewhere fancy for them," he insisted. "I know you like simple things so I got it at a grocery store." I tried to hold it in but I burst out laughing. He looked at me confused.
"What? What's so funny?"
"Dude, I don't choose to be simple I can't afford not to be!" I snorted. He shook his head with a smile. He started laughing with me. We began talking about just normal things like movies and he asked me about my art career. He actually got my mind off of everything. Distracted me.
After that he would visit every other day. We started getting a long. I would cry to him about my fears, guilt about everything. I invited him to my apartment to paint. He would complain about how small it was and we would end up going to his huge party house that was a mansion compared to my rinky-dink apartment and we'd stay up until dawn playing video games. He had to leave for a work trip two weeks before Miles woke up. I didn't think I was going to see him for another month.
"So what now you're best friends?" Jordan cried.
"You know it, maybe even more," Calisto wiggled his eyebrows and I rolled my eyes and pushed him away playfully.
"Shut up, Cal," I scoffed. He chuckled. Sarai tilted her head and looked at the table over.
"Gabe, is it really necessary to be all the way over there?" She asked. Gabe nodded.
"Yeah, I'm fine far away from the overgrown rat creature from hell, thank you, though," he said. Jordan shook her head.
"Gabe, didn't you hear, we're friends with Calisto now," she spat. I cringed.
"Real, mature, Jordan, real mature," Calisto sighed and picked his corn snake off of the table and smiled. Jordan crossed her arms.
"Sorry, I guess I'm just a little peeved that Hansel let you be his best friend through all this mess," she grumbled.
"Um," Sarai raised her hand and pointed at herself. "I resent that! I'm his best friend." She smirked and winked at me. I winked back. It's true, she was. We could understand each other by looking at each other's faces. We would say the same things at the same time we, or finish each other's sentences. We were basically one person at this point. Calisto arm around me tightened gently. He was so warm and soft, it made me smile. His scent surrounded me. He even smelled expensive. Was his just cologne dollar signs?
"You know what I mean!" Jordan gasped, exasperated. Gabe coughed to get our attention. We all turned to him.
"And what about our bromance, bro? Did those Karaoke nights mean nothing to you?" He cried. I rubbed my temples. This was becoming to chaotic for me and my head was starting to pound.
"Guys, guys, does me being friends with Cal have to be this big of a deal?" I asked. "I mean isn't it better that we just get along? Especially right now guys, I can't handle anymore conflict." I put my head on the table. "The last thing I need right now is," I waved my hand around absentmindedly, "this. Miles comes back home on Saturday and I don't know what I'm going to do. He doesn't even know who I am, guys. He looks at me sometimes with this vacant stare and it just..." I felt so small. I knew I was crying again, because what else was I good for. I was so scared and overwhelmed right now. I was lost. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I felt Calisto's hand on my back.
"Everything will work out, Hansel," he hummed as his thumb rubbed small circles on my back. Jordan clasped one of my hands.
"Yeah, And even if there are bumps down the road you aren't going to be alone in this," She said softly. I heard a small thump as Gabe sat back down at the booth.
"And neither is Miles, you both have so much support right now that even if the smallest chance something happens you guys will be absolutely fine," he agreed. Sarai took a sip from her wine.
"Plus, the doctors said that his memory would come back in less than at least two weeks, so don't worry about that too much," she added. I groaned.
"They also said the coma would last only a couple weeks, look how that turned out," I grumbled. Sarai but her lip and furrowed her brow.
"Even so, his memory is in there somewhere, it will come back. And he loves you, the Miles who's been through it all with you is fighting his way back, and he won't give up. Not on you," she said. I felt Calisto tense a little bit as she spoke. I sat up slowly, noticing our food arriving. The waitress set our plates in front of us. Italian food. I usually love Italian food but right now I didn't know if I could eat. Even though I got the plainest thing on the menu: spaghetti and meatballs.
"What if," I spoke quietly. The entire table looked up at me. "What if, even if his memory comes back, he isn't the same. What if he is just too much changed by everything that happened." Everyone but Calisto looked at Sarai. Cal stared at his food and poked at it.
"Well, I don't think that that will happen," she smiled brightly. I wiped my face with my sleeves.
"But what if it does," my voice even quieter. Everyone was silent. No one knew how to respond. That was fair, no one had the answer my questions. No one. Not my friends, not Miles, and Not even the doctors. No one knew what the future held. Calisto cleared his throat.
"Well, if something like that happens we'll just have to cross that bridge when we get there," he shrugged.
Cross the bridge, huh? Guess there was a lot of those I have to walk. I slumped in my seat. Everyone ate silently as I stared at something far away from the table. Jordan eventually started a conversation away from the current topic. Something light hearted. I would chuckle at some of the jokes but still felt distant from it all. Even Calisto joined in with them. They all seemed to be getting along nicely now. There was no longer the tension between my old college roommates and me and Calisto. That was good, at least. I knew they wouldn't agree on everything, God knows I definitely didn't, But it wouldn't be constant fighting anymore. I at least something good came out of this. I absently stared at his face. Now that we were friends I could actually appreciate him a bit more. He had brilliant green eyes that were vibrant against his flawless brown skin. He had a slight stubble but that and his dark hair were kept clean cut and perfect. He had a jawline sharp enough to cut diamonds. His smile was just as pearly and bright as Sarai's. He noticed me looking at him and our eyes met. I immediately looked away and felt my cheeks get hot.
Stupid. Staring is rude you don't just stare at people. That's so obnoxious. I screamed at myself internally. God, that was embarrassing. I poked at my food that I still hadn't taken a bite out of.
"You going to eat that, Hansel?" Cal asked. I looked up at him.
"I, well, I guess I am just not that hungry," I sighed. Sarai forced a laugh.
"Liar, You've only eaten apple sauce these past few days and you know it!" She pointed at me. I gasped.
"Hey, applesauce is delicious. And happens to be the only thing good tasting in my home. That and coffee," I shot back, folding my arms. Cal shook his head and tsked.
"Well, it's a shame," he said. I raised an eyebrow. "I mean, after eating our own food, we'd be way to full to eat yours so I guess it will just go to waste. All those high quality, expensive ingredients. All that money and food might as well have gone in the garbage disposal. Did you know a cow had to be murdered for those meatballs?" I glared at him as I wrapped a spaghetti noodle around my fork and took a bite. And as expected it was the best damn thing I had ever tasted. I begrudgingly ate in defeat as the others laughed. It felt good to be around people who cared about me and eating a warm meal. It really was something I needed. I smiled at Sarai who sent me a wink knowing exactly what I was telling her without words. Thank you. She really was the best friend I could ask For.
I felt fingers touch my own under the table and it sent electric sparks up my arm. I spared a glance at Calisto who kept chatting with Jordan  about how he was friends with this famous singer and could get her VIP tickets. I looked back at my meal which was almost done and let my digits intertwine with his. My heart rate quickened. I couldn't tell if I was hot or cold or both. It wasn't like we were doing something wrong, I held hands with my friends all the time. So why does it feel so different this time? Why did it feel like I was doing something I wasn't supposed to? And why did I keep doing it if I felt like it was wrong. I felt him gingerly stroke my hand with his thumb. It was such a subtle thing but it made my skin burn. I glanced at him again and he was looking back at me with a soft, comforting expression. As if to say it was okay. We aren't doing anything bad. I offered a small grin in response before looking back my friends. I felt guilty but happy. Conflicted. Even though he was telling me it was okay. Even though I knew it wasn't wrong. We still did it under a table, hidden. Because deep down we both knew to some extent, it was wrong.