Saved [boyxboy]

Chapter 7: Revelations Part One

Back in my own bed on Sunday night, I tossed and turned for hours in the darkness, trying to make sense of what I was feeling. This weekend was just...something. I smiled to myself.

After Caleb and I woke up, we basically just spent the day with each other. Spending time with Caleb allowed me to go to a place, a place that I was sure was dark with a point of no return: the truth. I accepted this one fact about myself: I hated being single.

I miss the late night phone calls, the risky texts. I miss going out to dinner and a movie and having debates on splitting the bill. I miss boyfriend hugs, the kisses, the random cutesy things...I just miss the companionship and the feeling of being in a relationship. That feeling of oneness with another person, that love that you share. Some may think that I haven't been single enough to handle another relationship right now but I say so what? I may never be ready for another relationship but I'm more afraid of NOT trying and losing out on something potentially good as opposed to trying and falling in love again.

I laid in bed, thinking back to when I moved away to live in Wisteria. It took some time for me to heal. I actually tried dating someone. It was ten months after Declan had died. I didn't want to go on living like a hermit, curled up in my bedroom with the curtains drawn, If You're Not The One by Daniel Bedingfield playing on repeat, depressed. 

We met through a mutual friend, Nina. Jacques was no Declan or even Caleb, but he was cute in a different sort of way. With shaggy brown hair, gray eyes and a mole on his neck, he had that supermodel look. He wasn't as solid as Caleb but he definitely had that waif modelesque look. With a cool demenaour, really...chill and laid back, Jacques turned out he was a real slacker, a stoner kid. I still slap myself to this day for not realizing it sooner. I mean...who could NOT be a slacker with the name "Jacques"?!

I put up with it at first because he showed some interest in me. I loved the fact that he didn't look at me as if I was broken and I loved feeling wanted again. His kisses were intense. We never had sex but he did pressure me a lot. A whole lot. In the end, he dropped me for some other dude who was "more about his lifestyle." After Jacques, I took a break from relationships in order to find myself again. And here I am today: single and probably on the verge of pining for an old friend.

I had a feeling that the closeness that I was developing with Caleb would haunt me sooner than later. But everything just felt so...right. I glanced over at my alarm clock and saw that is was 12:42. I sighed and took my phone off the end table, opening Instagram.

Caleb flooded my notifications, tagging me in the endless photos of this weekend: us on the beach, in the car, at his house. I pulled my laptop on my lap and turned it on, signing into Skype to see who was online. I found one that I was cimpletely unaware of. I was asleep on Caleb's lawn, in his arms. His hand was outstretched so I guess he took a selfie of us?

I stared at my sleeping self. I was asleep but there was a certain calmness about me. A small smile stayed on my lips and my eyebrows weren't furrowed. I looked as if I fit perfectly into the crook of his arm. Caleb looked pleased as well; his smile, genuine. I clicked through the photos, finding another one of us; me still asleep, him looking down at me. If I wasn't me, I'd be a little jealous of me. And I'm not throwing shade.

Suddenly, Caleb Skyped me. When he came into view, he was running his hand through his hair. He wore a gray tank top that showed off his definition. I should stop noticing these things. He smiled and told me hey.

"Can't sleep either?" I asked.

"Nope," he repled. "I've resorted to seeking out NyQuil. Relax," he said after he saw my incredulous expression, "there's none. So no worries."

I rolled my eyes. "What's up?"

"Nothing. I had a great time this weekend."

"Me too," I smiled. We fell into a comfortable silence.