I hardly slept last night,my mind was kept awake with my thoughts, I need a walk. Everyone's asleep. I just text my mum saying I'm going out for a bit,she'll see it when she goes out.
I walk around my street,past my school. I walk to the shops that I use to go to when I lived with my dad. Most of them now,are bordered up as there was a fire shortly after I left. My old school is still there,I get scared as I walk past it. I get down to a little park. Next to the park there a lake,I use to come here all the time.
I guess I better get home before someone finds me here. I slowly walk out of the park,back past my old school and past the shops. I don't go home,I get a bus to Bristol,as I've got a bus pass it's free. I just walk around,taking everything in. I've never been to Bristol on my own before.
Suddenly my mum calls me,I ignore it. She calls me again, I ignore it. I just want to alone.
I text her.
'Mum I'm fine.' My hands shaking as I type it.
'Where are you?'
'I'm at the park where I use to live'. Wow I just lied to my mum.
'Joes coming to get you in half an hour,we need to talk.'
I start shaking. The next bus is meant to leave in five minutes,I'm about twenty minutes away from it. I quickly sprint until I get to the bus station,just in time. I ask to be dropped off at the park. As soon as I get to the park I sit on the bench. Joe should be here any minute now.
He arrives,he doesn't say anything to me. I just get in his car,then I start speaking.
"Did you tell my mum."
Joe doesn't say anything.
"I SAID DID YOU TELL MY MUM." A tear forms in my eye.
He ignores me.
"I thought it was just between us. Why did I even trust you. I thought we would get along I thought you wouldn't lie to me. But clearly every boys a dick." By this point in crying,I don't mean anything I said to him and I regret saying it. But I'm so annoyed.
"You really think I'm like that? I just want you to get help Mia."
"I don't need help. You know you saved my life. You helped me. I don't need to go to some crappy class."
"How did I save your life?"
"Your YouTube videos. The fact that you can always make me laugh and smile. Thats what saved me,you made me happy. I don't know if I thought that was going to last forever."
"Your mums going to help you. I can't help you I'm not your mum."
"I DON'T FUCKING NEED HELP."
"If your walking out in the early hours of the morning I'm pretty sure you do."
"I just need space Joe. You don't get it. You don't understand."
"I do understand trust me. I understand more than you realise."
We both go silent for the rest of the drive home.
Joe is still staying here as Caspar is going back to live in South Africa. Joe is trying to look for a place closer to us.
I walk into my house. My mums led on the sofa,I walk past here without saying anything,I walk straight to my room and slam my door.
I hear mumbles of voices downstairs.
"Come on Zoe you have to speak to her."
"Look Joe,she doesn't want me."
"How do you know that?"
"She tells you everything. The things you told me yesterday that she said. Why didn't she talk to me?"
"She's scared. She's scared your do what Alfie done. She's scared your kick her out."
"I would never do what Alfie did. I wouldn't even think of it. I think you should talk to her Joe."
That's all I hear,I turn on YouTube and put my earphones in my phone. I type in 'thatcherjoe' and my dad comes up. What the fuck. I quickly click on Joe. I don't want anything to do with my dad,not anymore. I get in my bed and put the covers over me. I watch a few YouTube videos then I listen to music,whilst scrolling down Instagram.
A few minutes later Joe walks into my room.
"It's shut for a reason."
"I need to talk to you."
"No I'm not saying anything. Your just tell my mum so what's the point."
"I won't tell your mum I promise."
"Whatever."
"Mia...."
"Leave go on."
"Not until you talk to me."
"I don't trust you okay. Plus I'm fine. I don't need help. You don't understand any of this."
Joe rolls up his sleeves.
"Are you sure about that?"
"What? No."
Joe walks over to my bed,I put my phone down. I hug him. I don't know what to say.
"I'm sorry. Does my mum know? Or Caspar or anyone?"
"No one. Plus me and Caspar had a falling out so he's moving to South Africa."
"Oh so that's why he's moving?"
"Yes because I was always making sure you was okay. Your my family what does he expect me to do."
"Are you going to stay here?"
"For a while yeah. Until I find a house close to here."
"I love you Joe." I pull him into a hug,he hugs me back.
"I love you too Mia."
But I really do love him.
BY THE WAY THIS IS MADE UP JOE DOES NOT DO ANY OF THIS
