It's 8 am,once again I wake up in hospital,with stitches all the way up my arms and my legs. I'm 18 now,they can't keep me in a children's hospital forever. I've been here since July,when I finished school,it's now almost September.
My life is shitty. Charlie broke up with me and spread around that I self harm. Okay no way. I guess it doesn't matter now,I'll never see them all ever again,I hope. Apart from Charlie,I really miss him. Sometimes I lie here wanting to text him,but I know,he won't want to talk to me. He said it to my face.
"I'm a ugly,selfish little bitch." In his words. I'm also a useless shit but he didn't add that.
I sit up,my hair annoying me. I put my unwashed hair in a braid to keep it out my way. My long blonde hair is full of god knows what. They won't let me wash it,I can't even get out of this crappy bed. I'm allowed on my phone but not all the time. When I'm asleep they do tests on me. I don't know why they do it when I'm asleep. Everyone here is pretty useless.
I see Joe almost everyday,he's very upset mind,as he hates seeing me like this. He told Charlie what happened,Charlie didn't seem sad,but it was over text message. Which was on my phone.
Joe won't be here until about lunch time. I decide to text Charlie,which I've been wanting to do since I've got here.
'Hey.' I type,my hand feeling numb.
I instantly get a reply. It's like he was waiting for me.
'Hi Mia. How are you?'
'Well considering that I'm in hospital yet again,on the verge of death,I'm great thanks.'
'I'm sorry,it's all my fault.'
'Have you only just realised?'
I don't get an answer for a few minutes.
'Can I come and see you?'
'I don't know. I'm a mess. I don't want anyone to see me.'
'What about Joe?'
'He's coming in at lunch.'
'Great,I'll go with him.'
'I said I don't want anyone here.'
I get no reply.
'Charlie. Fuck sake.'
I put my phone down,the doctors are doing a few tests on me. They are deciding when I should go back home.
"I don't think she will go home into for Christmas." A young doctor says.
"Don't be stupid of course I will." I say.
"No you won't Mia, the doctor is right. I'm sorry. You've really hurt yourself." An older looking doctor says.
"It's happened before,I was out within weeks."
"I've never seen anything so bad."
"Oh well I have."
"Mia shut up and let us do our jobs."
"Nah I like making it awkward."
"Mia,stop. Your 18. Act like it."
I don't say anything else,they continue to do tests on me until about half eleven.
Before I know it Joe arrives,along with Charlie. Joe hugs me,well the best he can. Charlie just looks at me.
"Well,are you gunna say anything or just stare at me."
"I didn't realise I done this."
"Oh well."
"When will you be out of here."
"I don't know."
"I'm sorry."
"Let me guess,your going to fuck me,pretend to love me. Spread my secrets,than leave me.
"I love you Mia."
"Oh yeah of course you do."
Joe looks at both of us,awkwardly.
"Charlie,could I talk to Mia alone. I mean that is why I came here."
Charlie walks out.
"Mia,as soon as this is all over we are going to move okay. We both need a fresh start."
I can feel Charlie lurking at the door, he walks in.
"What about me?"
Joe turns to him.
"After all you have done do you really think she wants you in her life?"
"I don't know." Charlie says. "Does she?"
They both turn to me,I don't know what I want.
"I don't know." I blurt out before I can think of something better to say. "He's hurt me so much," I continue. "But he's also made me so happy."
Sometimes the thing that broke you is the thing that fixed you.
