to my bestfriend,
hi, how have you been feeling right now? i always miss your smile. your smile is the cutest! well, i know few smiles from few people only but at least you standout, hehe. i miss your silly jokes that were never really funny, but you force me to laugh so that others would do too. and when i refused to do so, you pout. i swear i melt whenever i see that. you still read? lol, what a question! if you're here you might be giving me glares for asking now. you love books your whole life, you are born to turn those pages on. everyone calls you nerd and old school but for me, that was something gold. you know i always see you as precious as that, you must know me pretty much. how about an evening jam? i never met an angel yet until i met you. well god knows how magical your voice was, always bring me home from chaos, always comfort me in times of trouble. i miss seeing you with that old guitar, glasses on, while singing "you" by the carpenters. that was our favorite song, remember? well i really hope you still remember. i remember we both dream of going to college. i'll be the architect and you'll be the writer, my writer. well, you're already a writer from the very start. you write my life, us. you made us. you made me. you give me life, you give me character, you spend your whole time writing me. yes, i become who i am because of you. remember when we were 7? when i'm in that white room with wires injected all over my body, fighting. when i don't even know what i'm still fighting for. i lost everything. i lost my mom, my dad, my little sister, i lost my home. i was so young and i didn't know what to do back then, i wanted to die, i was so young, i was a weak child. but you were there, you never leave my side, you never run out of words to tell, stories to share. you said i have to fight. you said you can be my home. i don't know but i trusted you, i trusted you so much, so i did. i did fight like you said and like you promised, you gave me home right by your side since then. that was the most beautiful second chance this universe gave me. i'm asking you again, how are you? it's been 4 years since that day. it's been 4 years of mournings and cryings. i wish i didn't invite you out that night. i wish i was the one who was damaged. i wish i was the one who died. i'm sorry. i'm sorry for i failed to save you, i failed to save my home, i failed to save our story, i tried, believe me i tried! i regret everything happened that night! i lost you! i lost someone special again! does the universe hate me so much, that she would love to take all i would have? if i could turn back the time i would never let you leave. no, not that way. you were such a very good person with a very good heart. you deserve to live. you deserve it more than i do. i'm sorry. i would lie if i'll say that i'm already over you because the truth is, i'm still longing for you. i know i can't do anything about it anymore, i know i can never have you back but you left me something. you left an unfinished story. my story. maybe ours have already ended and that was the most beautiful story ever written though. i promise you i'm going to finish mine. i promise you i'll be home again. i promise you i'll make a better story so that when we'll meet again, i have something to tell you. by the way, tomorrow would be my graduation. yes, you got it right! sooner i'll be a certified architect already like we always dream before, hopefully. please be there... well don't scare me with your white-lady-attire but just be there. i love you and see you soon.
Love,
Matthew
