Torn

Chapter 21

I was awakened from my slumber by a loud ringing noise that came from my Ipad. I yawned and stretched before reaching onto the night stand. I unconsciously smiled when I saw Shawn's name on the screen."Morning baby" I greeted with a huge grin. He laughed before moving the camera to show that Kennedy was next to him."BB" she yelped when she saw my face."Morning princess""BB when you coming back" Kennedy whined. I laughed softly at her saddened face and smiled"2 more days""2"? she asked while holding up two fingers"Yes""Okay" she said and lowered her head."I promise to see you as soon as I get home okay""Promise"? she asked in the sweetest tone"Promise""So how are things"? Shawn asked"My mom and I talked. My heart is heavy Shawn. I've missed so much" I said honestly"All you can do is be there for her now. She needs you""I know. It's just hard. And my sister is barely speaking to me""She'll come around""I guess. I miss you and Kenn" I frowned."I miss you too babe. How are you feeling, yenno with the baby and everything"?"Tired. I haven't had any morning sickness of yet but my stomach feels a little queezy."Shawn nodded his head in response. I could tell that he felt some type of way so I decided to change the subject. We talked foranother 20 minutes before my dad called me down for breakfast.Before heading downstairs I showered and put on a blue and black maxi dress that showed off my little "bump"."Morning" I greeted. My parents smiled and returned the greeting while Solange rolled her eyes and mumbled something under her breath. I didn't want to repeat what happened last night so I tried my best to ignore her."I think you and your sister should spend the day together" my mother suggested as we ate."And what are we supposed to do? Chat it up like she and I are best friends? Or discuss how she's a whore?" Solange spat."Excuse me"? I looked at my sister if she had lost her damn mind"I mean you move on pretty fast. You're like what? 3 months and already with someone else. Someone doesn't know how to closetheir legs" she spat. I decided to be the bigger person and just walk away, so I stood up and turned to leave."Go head and do what you do best...leave" Solange spat once again. I was two seconds away from reaching across the table and slapping the hell out of her. I was tired of her antics. This was going too far. I was tired of being insulted and disrespected."I made a fucking mistake Solange. I've owned up to it. Do you think I like the situation that I'm in? Do you fucking think that I want to be pregnant with this man's baby? I was a selfish bitch, I get it but I'm trying to make things right. What else do you want me to do"? I yelled out of frustration. I was in tears and shaking from all of the anger that I was feeling.I turned on my heels and went outside to get some fresh air. My body was beginning to get hot and my stomach was in knots. A few blocks later, I arrived at the nearby park. I started feeling nauseous and before I knew it I was bending over behind a bush and upchucking everything I had for breakfast."Well there goes the morning sickness" I mumbled. I used the back of my hand to wipe my mouth and took a seat on nearby bench. I took a deep breath and covered my face with my hands."Here" someone said from behind me. I turned around to finding my sister standing there with a bottled water. I retrieved the bottle from her hands and took a huge gulp."Thanks""Mind if I sit"? she asked"Public bench" I said staring straight ahead"Look I'm sorry for what I said back there. I shouldn't have disrespected you like that. I'm just mad at you Bey""You have every right to be angry Solange. What I did was wrong, I get it but I don't need to be reminded of my mistake every second of the day""It just makes me so mad that you let a man have that much control over you. You're smarter than that but it seems like you became weak when you got with him""You don't understand. When I met him, he was prince charming. He never treated me bad or disrespected me and that's what I loved about him. I had no idea that he was trying to control me""You let your guard down too quick. As soon as you met him you were ready give up your dreams and follow his"."At the time, I didn't see it that way. I just wanted to be the supportive girlfriend". I continued to stare at the children who were playing a few feet away."I'm sorry Solange. I really am. I didn't realize how much an impact my leaving had on you"."I lost my sister and best friend. Before you left we would see each other every day, talk about any and everything""I had an abortion a year after you left. I knew how disappointed mom and dad where when you left and I didn't want to be another disappointment. I was 19 and a freshman in college, what was I going to do with a baby"?My heart fell into the pit of my stomach."I- I had no idea. Does mom and dad know?" I asked with a shaky voice."Five years later and they still don't have a clue. My boyfriend at the time paid for it. He didn't want a baby anyway. Said his lifewas just starting. I was alone Bey and I needed you.""I am so sorry" I said while pulling her in for a hug."I hated you for leaving me" she said as we pulled apart."I hate myself for leaving you""Seeing you here, pregnant just leaves a sour taste in mouth." She said after a brief silence"I had three miscarriages" I blurted out"What"?"Three" I said lowly"Wow. And he was still determined to get you pregnant"?"It was both of us. I thought giving him a baby would reaffirm our love. I didn't expect for me to actually get pregnant this time. Iwas so used to being disappointed." I said honestly"What happened to first comes marriage and then the baby carriage"?I laughed bitterly."The topic of marriage came up so many times and each and every time it would turn into an argument. He said he wouldpropose when the time was right. I wanted to marry him but I knew he had trust issues because of his previous relationship. I wanted to give him time and not rush it. I ultimately knew that we would be together forever so why not have a baby. So many people start families without being married so I figured why couldn't we"?Solange looked at me with disappointing eyes."God Bey you were so blinded by love. That has to be the stupidest explanation I've ever heard"I chuckled."Yeah it is. Now that I think about it""I mean seriously Bey, did you think a baby would fix his commitment issues? Do you even know if he's been faithful?"I didn't even know how to respond to that question. I honestly didn't know for sure if Omari had been faithful."Girl you in some deep shit. Let me guess, he wants to get back together now huh?"I nodded my head."And he's like that nigga ain't playing daddy to my child, right"?I nodded my head again and Solange burst out into laughter."Damn girl"I bit my lip to hide my embarrassment. This was a situation that I wasn't proud but now that reality is here I have to deal with it"It's seriously not funny Solange. And to make it even worse there's a three year old in the mix of this""Oh shit. Ya man got a child too"? Solange asked with wide eyes."Yes. She's such a daddy's girl. Her mom died in a car accident a year and a half ago, she really doesn't know what happened but she is very attached to me. Me having a baby is going to affect her especially because Shawn and I are still dating. Questions are going to be asked and I honestly don't want to answer them.""I don't know much about this stuff but you need to set boundaries with ya baby daddy or else he will think he can do whatever hepleases. You need to have a talk with ya man and figure how y'all are going to handle this. And then baby daddy and ya man gotta come to a mutual ground especially if you see a future with him"."When did you get so smart"? I nudged her shoulder."I had to grow up and be independent. I didn't have my big sister to run to every time I had a problem""Ouch""it's the truth" Solange said"Listen, I know it's going to take more than a talk in the park to patch things up but I want to work on this Solange. I really want us to be close again.""I've had my guard up for so long so it's going to take some time. This talk though has helped me understand where you werecoming from. But what happens when you leave in a few days?""I've thought a lot about that and I will try my best to come visit twice a month and call every day. Mama has another appointment the end of the month so I'll be back then""And you won't let Omari talk you out of it"?"He and I are finished. I don't owe him anything""And what about this new man of yours? When can we meet him? I need to size him up because you sure know how to pick em'" she laughed and I couldn't help but join in. For the first time in five years my sister and I laughed together. The feeling was indescribable."We should go back home before mama and daddy are worried" I said. Solange agreed and the two of us headed back to my parents home."One more question" Solange said as we walked side by side"What"? I asked with a raised brow"Who is better? Baby daddy or ya man now"?I gasped at held my stomach as I laughed."Shawn is definitely better""What?" Solanged gasped"Close your mouth fool" I laughed"You mean to tell me the man that you were so crazy for ain't the best you eva had?""Nope. Shawn has this curv-"Spare the details""You asked" I laughed as I opened the front door. My parents looked between Solange and I and smiled."Laughter. I missed that" my mom said."I assume the two of you worked things out"? my father asked."It's a work in progress" Solange said. I nodded my head and smiled.---------The past two days have been eye opener for me. Solange and I are working towards a better relationship. My mother has such a beautiful spirit and a positive attitude and has continues to smile through the pain. My dad is a wonderful man who is so supportive. I admire him for being there and holding her hand through her sickness."You ready" Solange asked which caused me to snap from my thoughts. I sat at the foot of the bed and sighed. I didn't want to leave and I was honestly having reservations about going back to New York."Yeah I guess so"I grabbed my things and headed downstairs."Come on slow poke. Your flight leaves in an hour" Solange said"Wait YOU"RE taking me? What happened to dad"? I asked with a raised brow. I had never been the car with my sister let alonesee her drive."Oh hush. Mom and dad are coming but I'm driving" she smiled"You drive? Since when"?"Since I got my license three years ago. Life kept going after you left" she said rather bluntly. I decided not to comment instead Ijust grabbed my bags and headed to the car. I was a little hurt that she still holds me leaving over my head. I know one weekend is not going to change everything but I had hoped that her smart comments would come to an end.Flight 871 to New York City; Now Boarding the announcer said over the intercom."I guess that's me" I sighed."Oh sweetness, it was good seeing you. Don't you forget that mama loves you" my mother said as she hugged me tightly"I love you too mama and I really am sorry""I don't want to hear you say that again. Just take care of yourself and be careful. And bring that fine man and his child to see menext time" my mother laughed. Her laughed was followed by a cough and then a smile."Mama I will be praying for you and I'll be back in a few weeks. I promise"I turned to my father and gave him a hug"Bye daddy. I love you so much. Thank you for taking care of her""It's my job sweetheart" he said while placing a kiss on my foreheadI turned to Solange and tears started to flood both of our eyes"You're such a cry baby" she laughed. I laughed too and gave her a hug. When we pulled apart we both laughed at how foolishwe must have looked."I'll be back in a few weeks. You'll be home then right"? I asked. Solange lives about 45 min away from Houston."Yeah. I'll be home"I nodded my head and smiled"Love you slinky""Love you too dumbo"I took a deep breath and waved to my family as I walked closer to my gate."You have my number, use it" Solange yelled. I knew she was referring to the lack of communication before.-----------"BB BB BB" Kennedy squealed as I walked closer to her and Shawn."Kennedyyyyyy" I said matching her excitement. I picked her up and placed a kiss on her cheek."Hi babe" I said greeting Shawn with a kiss on the lips."I missed those" he mumbled"Ew" Kennedy said with a disgusted look on her face. Shawn and I laughed and walked to the car."Sooooo how was it"? Shawn asked once we got in the car"Things are coming together. I'm coming back in a few weeks for my mom's appointment""Good" Shawn nodded."I was thinkingggggggg....maybeyouandKennedycanjoinme" I said really fast"Come again"?I exhaled and rolled my eyes."Maybe you and Kennedy can join me""I don't know Bey. Do they know-"About the baby? Yes Shawn they know" I said with a slight attitude"Don't you think it's a little too soon"?"If I thought that then I wouldn't have asked" I spatI watched as Shawn shook his head and clenched his jaw."Your house or mine"? he asked"Mine" I said while rolling my eyes"Why are you mad"? Shawn asked as he took the exit to my house"Because I want you to meet them and you're obviously not interested""It's not that I'm not interested Bey. I would love to meet them but timing is all wrong""So when is the right time"? I said looking at him.He made a left turn and then a right turn before pulling into my driveway. He turned off the car and looked back at Kennedy who was asleep."I- I just feel weird about meeting you family Bey especially now" he said while eying my stomach"So what are you trying to say"?"Can we not talk about this now? Not in front of Kennedy"I shook my head and got out of the car and grabbed my bags out of the trunk. I heard Shawn's car door shut which meant that he was hot on my heels.I turned around and sure enough he was walking towards the door with Kennedy in his arms. Shawn laid her on the couch and followed me into the kitchen."Shawn why are you here"? I turned around and faced him"Because you misunderstood what I was trying to say""Which was"?"I'm just scared of this whole situation Bey. I've told you this""Then why are you still with me"?"Because I love you" he answered honestly"Then maybe you shouldn't. I have too much "baggage" I said using air quotes"Come on don't be like that. I'm trying""What do you want me to do Shawn? I'm pregnant that's the reality of it. As much as I want to change this, I can't"."I know Bey. I want this baby to mine" he said with much sincerity. It was the first time that he had expressed that to me. I was completely caught off guard."Shawn-"I love you Bey and I'm willing to take this situation as is but I also want to make sure that my child is not going to get hurt in the midst of that. She's going to have questions and we have to answer them. So when I say I feel weird it's because I want to make sure that this is real. That once this baby is born you're not going to feel obligated to be with him""I hate him Shawn. I don't ever want to be with him again. I can never forgive a man that would deliberately keep someone away from their family. I don't even know if I want this baby anymore. I want to lose all ties connected to him" I said honestly"Bey come on. The situation is not picture perfect but the baby growing inside of you did nothing. Don't talk like that" Shawn said as he pulled my face closer to his."I hate him so much""Love will make you do some crazy things" Shawn saidI chuckled bitterly at his statement"That wasn't love""Come here" Shawn said as he pulled me closer to his chest."I promise to show how a real man loves a woman." he whispered.A small smile appeared on my face as I found comfort in his words.