I looked down at the hardcover in my hands and studied it. It was the biography my grandpa had gotten me about Freddie. I was overjoyed when I received it, and I started reading it right away. My heart caught in my throat though when I remembered my heartbreak towards the end of it.
"I-It's a book..." I mumbled.
Roger frowned. "About what, Mia?" It was obvious he knew, but there was something in his voice that sounded like he wanted me to tell him a different story.
"About Freddie..." I replied.
Brian took the book out of my hands and quickly flipped it open. His fingers danced through the pages until he found the one he wanted and shoved it roughly in my face.
"You knew about this didn't you." The guitarist said as more of a statement than a question.
My eyes stared blankly at the text in front of me. I didn't have to read it; I knew what it was about. My eyes blinked back the tears trying to well up. My favorite band was going to hate me forever. Imagine how that must feel.
"I did..." I said hesitantly. "But what was I supposed to tell you? When was I supposed to tell you?"
Roger shook his head in disbelief and stormed out of the room with Brian giving me a disgruntled look before taking after him. The door clicked shut behind them, leaving Freddie and I alone. His eyes didn't meet mine. I dared to take a step closer.
"I'm sorry...you know I didn't want to hurt you like this. Please..." My hand reached out to touch his shoulder, but he stepped away. Freddie looked up at me with red, puffy eyes and tear trails down his face.
"Am I the only one?" He asked.
"If you mean the only one of you four that's...passed, then yes. You're the only one."
Freddie nodded. He looked so hurt, so confused, it felt like a stab in the chest to see him like that. I hated myself for it, and my favorite person probably did, too. Freddie sat down on his bed and sighed distressingly.
"I need to think about all this." He murmured.
I nodded vigorously in agreement.
"Take all the time you need." I said. Hesitantly, I walked over and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek before leaving the room. As I closed the door behind me my mind was flooded with thoughts. How much time would he need? Would he even forgive me? Would anyone forgive me? At least Deacy wasn't mad at me yet.
Yet. The word echoed in my head, but I quickly shook it out and quickly walked down the stairs, ignoring the hard stares from Roger and Brian. When I got to the living room, I noticed the timid bassist wasn’t on the couch anymore, or anywhere actually. Slightly panicked I peeked into the kitchen, and to my relief John was in front of the open fridge. After taking a bowl of fruit out, he closed it, taking notice of me. Deacy looked a lot better than he had previously. The brightness in his eyes was becoming clearer, and his face was gaining back its color.
“Hey, Mia.” He said with a happy smile.
I waved repentantly. “Uh, hi. You’re looking well.” I said, and immediately regretted it when I realized he was still just in his underwear. The bassist chuckled and dramatically jutted his hip out to the side, running a hand through his long locks.
“Why thank you.” He said rather seductively. “But you were probably talking about my health.” John walked over to the table with a laugh and gestured for me to join him. I sat down across from him and watched him stuff his face with grapes. It was making it hard for me to think about what I was going to tell him when he was acting so cute and innocent. I cleared my throat apprehensively. I knew I had to tell him or else he’d be heartbroken.
“So...Deacy…there’s uh, s-something I want to tell you.” I began shakily.
He looked up at me with an inquisitive look. “What’s that?”
I rubbed my arm, looking down at the table.
“Uh, well, if I tell you, you have to promise you’ll still be my friend. Freddie and Brian and Roger are already unhappy at the moment.”
Deacy nodded and focused his attention on me. It wasn’t easy for me to do, but carefully I explained to him the book and what happened to Freddie. The look on his face was heartbreaking, but after a few moments he sighed, running a hand through his hair.
“Thats...wow…” Was all he could say.
I shook my head, trying to fight off the tears. “Yeah...I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me. Everyone else does.” Deacy smiled sadly. “I don’t hate you, I promise. I just wish you had told us sooner, love.” My face met my hands, muffling my voice. “I guess it’s too late for that, seeing as they probably won’t ever forgive me.”
I heard John’s chair scrape against the floor, and a few moments later I felt a pair of arms wrap around me gingerly. His warmth was so comforting, and I started to hold him back. We sat there like that for a few moments until he said, “I’ll go talk to them, if you want.”
I pulled away to look him in the eye. “That would be nice.” I said gratefully.
He gave me a reassuring smile and a peck on the forehead before heading out of the room and up the stairs. My heart pounded against my chest, wondering what was to happen when he made it to his friends.
