Saved

chapter nine.

Quick note.

Hi! Harry will soon be more in the story, i want to make it as realistic as possible so it would be weird for my story to have him in a lot already. So sorry for that.

Hope you'll enjoy this part, you will find out more about June herself.

June Winter.

I rush into my room and lock the door, luckily my mother is out with friends. I can feel the panic coming back.. I walk fast back and forth in my room trying to hold it all in.

Nothing happened right? I didn't do anything? The last time someone tried to kiss me I punched him in the face. hard. that didn't happen now, did it? My hands constantly fly through my hair, I'm doing my best to control my anger. This needs to stop, for real.

Thoughts of months and years ago make their way back into my head. Fuck.

I close my eyes and let the flashbacks happen.

I was 15 when it went wrong, I trusted people too soon back then which began the mess. ofcourse I couldn't trust everyone.

Then came the time that I trusted no one, which wasn't my best time either. i was closed, too closed. My mum was worried but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything.

I'm a mess, I still am a fucking mess. I get close to people who I shouldn't be close with, and push people away who only are trying to be friends. I know Alan wasn't going to do something bad to me, well I think so, but still. I panic when people come to close if I haven't accepted it yet.

Ugh I don't even know what I want or what I mean. my past is in my way too much, I'm doing and saying weird things. I need to talk to someone I know it, but is there someone who will listen? No way I'm going to a strange man or women to talk about my feelings, but I don't really have any friends either.. There must be someone out there right?

I feel that I'm relaxing a bit, I lay down on my bed and let out a deep sigh.

How am I gonna face Alan normal again after our little thing in the car? and how will I explain why I pushed him away? maybe I need to quit my job already and find a place who'll make me work at home.

And what am I gonna do about myself? I think I need someone who can save me, and I hope that person is closer than I think because I'm tired of being like this. I hate to constantly be scared of what people might do or say to me, I hate to be angry and closed all the time. I definitely am not liking the way I see things. almost everything in my eyes is negative. I still don't trust people that easily, but I try to let that go. I mean, no way I'd let Alan bring me home a year ago. I'd already pushed his head into a wall. something I really really hate, my aggressive actions.. I used to hit people when they were doing things to me that I didn't trust, I used to punch and break things in my house and room when I was angry about something. a really bad habbit, I know. luckily I don't punch people anymore since a months ago when an accident happened.. And I often have angry mood attacs anymore, but I know they're still there.

Thinking about it, I'm the weirdest person in the world and I don't like it.

I really need to change.

-- Authors note --

So I hope this clears up a few things, didn't want to reveal too much because that will come later in this story.

I'd like to hear your comments about what you think so far and what you think of June. :)

Hope to upload next chapter tonight or tomorrow.

Xx.