Accidentally Tasha

Chapter 27

Quote

"There be no heaven, Pallavi, and no hell that I haven't lived through already." (The Last Song of Dusk)

I don't know how long I lie on the floor crying. But even the heaviest of rain ceases and I soon run out of tears. I don't make a move to leave the floor. I simply stare into nothingness and listen to my heart beating against the floor. I let my grief consume me.

I don't even move when I see booted legs walk towards me. I still don't move when she kneels on the floor and laughs at me in the face. I'm not surprised when she taunts me, when she piles ridicule upon ridicule at my face. But again, even the strongest of winds pass, and my self induced comatose slowly but surely dies down

.

.

.

"What do you want from me Kate?" my voice is lifeless, quite unlike anything I've heard before "It's been three days. Just kill me already."

"Correction, it's only been five. I want you to feel what I've lived most of my life feeling. You know how they say that time heals? Well, it doesn't. Time breaks you. I'll kill you when I deem best."

My feet and hands are tied up. I didn't even protest when she did it. I have no strength left to fight. She can do whatever the hell she feels like.

I think of my mamma Annabelle. This must be what she felt like when he left her. This must be why she cried when I first told her that I'd kissed a boy. This must be why she never let herself fall in love again.

The language of love is a language of pain. I wish he'd never taught it to me. I wish I'd never understood it. I wish I'd never spoken it.

Kate makes me lie on my back and throws a rug over my face. She pours a jug of water on me and laughs as I spit it out. I want to scream in pain as my insides fill with water. I want to yell as my nose burns in protest. I just can't muster the strength. I'm dead.

If there is something that Kate is good at, it is torture. For the last five days I've been through hell. She has made me stand on my head for a good ten minutes, showed me videos of her and Ashton, pointed out all of my insecurities, told me I'll never measure up to Tasha, showed me copies of mom Rachel's divorce lawsuit against dad, showed me a twitter account hating on Judge and Jury because of me, told me all those thousands of followers know I am nothing but a cheating lying social climber...

The less I react, the harder she pushes. She likes it when I don't react; she knows that she's breaking me.

My body feels broken.

My spirit is broken.

And there is no one else to blame but me.

So I let her break me, shatter me into a million pieces. She brings out the real me. Hopeless, tired, good for nothing me.

I am not surprised by anything anymore.

So after five days of pure hell, I am not surprised when my savior comes. I am not surprised when Jake and Andy walk into the room. I am still not surprised when they tie her up with the ropes they release from me. I am not surprised when the Memphis police come and take her with them.

Nothing, not even the knowledge that I missed a court date, or going through the torturous trial for identity theft, or getting locked up for a year... none of that surprises me.

I am dead.

A living breathing zombie.