Story Reviews

Review for "Know Me Better" by LittleHarmonizers

Cover:

You have a great cover for your story. It's bold and colorful and very teenage-ish; good quality too. It will grab readers attention. I also really like the watercolor background.

Summary:

Your summary needs a lot of work. It isn't really telling the readers anything about the characters other than the two main characters are: a popular girl and new transfer student. It's also not telling the readers anything about the story itself either and the teaser doesn't depict anything in the story. It's not detailed enough. It needs a lot of work. Please, do not take offense. I would suggest that you sit down and make a list of possibilities you want to happen in your story. Also, make a list of the details of your characters personalities. Then rewrite your summary and make it more detailed. Maybe even foreshadow future events so that the reader knows what to expect. Be sure not too give away too much of the plot though. (I tend to do that a lot.)

What I liked: 

 Personally, your story is just not my cup of tea. Again, please do not take any offense, it's not personal. Although, I did like your short descriptions of the characters. And I like that this story is a bit cliche (I'm a sucker for cliche stories). I like that the narrator is popular, which is not something I see in stories a lot. A lot of the time the narrator is usually just an average girl who is commonly over looked. I liked that this girl was popular and had this "Why isn't everybody paying attention to me?" attitude.

Weaknesses:

You have a lot of work to do in this story. I think you have this idea that you want to put into motion, but I feel like you don't really know how to get it started.

 You have TONS of grammatical errors that need to be fixed. I'm going to list some of them below and I will give you suggestions on how to fix them.

* You are punctuating your dialogue inside the quotations correctly. But outside of them you are still adding a comma that is not needed. The only time you use a comma in dialogue is A.) If the character pauses for a moment when they are speaking. Like after a transition word and B.) If you break a characters statement down into two part. For an example. "I don't know," (note the comma is inside the quotations) I said, (note comma after 'said') "I just did it without thinking." 

* You are mixing up the past and present tense in your sentences. You said: ' I was actually mostly popular because I'm friendly. ' In this case it should be: " I am (present tense) actually, (note the comma) mostly popular because I'm (present tense) friendly. " There are a lot of error's in this sentence. For it be technically, correct it should probably be like so: "I am popular because I am friendly."

* You are putting unnecessary words in your sentences. In the example I gave in the above bullet point, "actually" and "mostly" are not necessary. You don't need them in your sentence. I'm seeing that as a trend in your writing style. Try to go back and fix that.

* You aren't adding comma's where they need to be. Comma's need to be after describing words, transition words, clauses, and phrases. 

Side note: steer clear of using 'er' on words that do not need it. Stay away from run on sentences. If you need to, break your sentences down into smaller parts. Also, it you want to emphasize a word don't make them bold. Make them all italicized.

As far as your writing style goes: I feel like you are a beginner when it comes to writing, because your story is mostly dialogue. And that gets really boring. You need to be more descriptive about the setting of your story, what the characters thoughts and feelings are? You are trying to make your sentences so dynamic that you're just getting lost in all these little grammatical errors that just add up.

 I would suggest that you read the review before yours and then read that writers story. Her writing is very short and not super descriptive but descriptive enough for you to get a feel for the atmosphere. I think you could benefit from reading her writing because her sentences are very short and they don't need commas and all these other things. Dynamically, they are almost nothing. I think you could apply that style of writing to your story and it will improve your writing skills as a beginner.

Overall: 

I think you just have a lot of work to do. You have a good idea for this story and a really cute character that like. But you have so much dialogue and so many grammatical errors that it is just not enjoyable for me to read. I'm sorry that his review is a bit harsh, but I think it can benefit you as a writer. After all, it is meant to be a critique, and not all critiques will have good things to say. Therefore, please do not take any of this personally, I do not think you are a bad writer. I think you are just a beginner and you need to just work on your writing skills. I suggest that you come up with some random ideas and just write out a scenario for those ideas. It will stretch your brain and it will improve your writing skills.

Also, keep this in your mind when you reread sentences that you have wrote: "Good writing should be in complete sentences; everything should be consistent; the meaning should be clear. The best answer, free of any errors, will be the most concise." - Introduction to the ACT English Test by The Princeton Review.

So, ask yourself: "Is this sentence complete, consistent, clear, and concise?" 

I really hope that this review does not offend you in anyway. I really hope that it helps. And if you wish to ask for any help, please do not be afraid to ask me to proof reading anything of yours. :) I wish you the best of luck.