Story Reviews

Review for "Reaping the Mourning Moon" by EllenFairyBlue4

Cover:

This cover is kick ass. I love it. There is so much going on in it, but it doesn't take away from the focal point. I also noticed that if you line up the first book to the third book (this being the second) that the blue ribbon connects. I think that's truly unique. And if I saw the three of them lined up together in a book store, it would definitely grab my attention. Great cover.

Summary:

You have a pretty good summary. It's straight forward and foreshadows a bit. It is simplistic. I personally do not think the summary matters in this case because this is a second book to your first book. And usually, the only people who are going to read this story are people who have read the first book. 

What I liked:

I love the descriptions of the struggle between the main characters (werewolves/Protagonist) and the vampires (antagonist). I am one of those people who struggle to create a mental picture when there is action, but in your story I was about to conjure the mental images in my mind very clearly. Well done as far as descriptions go.

I really liked that you identified who both the protagonist and antagonist are immediately. I also, liked that there was conflict right away, it gives the story well, a story. I thought it was clever that you went from a really intense supernatural combat scene, to the everyday life of high school student - yet, still kept that creepy vibe going.

Weaknesses:

As far as error's its just little things here and there: comma's not being places properly, the context of 'your' and 'you're' as well as; 'there', 'their', and 'they're'; 'to' and 'too'. The biggest error that I'm seeing is listed below.

* You wrote:' ....Philip lifted her chin, which were engulf between his index and thumb. ' This is wrong because you were writing in past tense but switched to present tense. (You also, forgot to add the word 'finger') It should be "Philip lifted her chin, which was engulfed between his index finger and thumb." I saw this same error in several parts of your story.  Just be sure not to jumble up the past and present tense - trust me when I say I know it's difficult sometimes, because I do it a lot. Therefore, when you edit your story look for those errors.

Overall:

You have a badass cover, a decent summary, clever writing skills, and minor error's in this story. I think you have a pretty good book and you just need to keep up the good work. I think the biggest concern I have is you jumbling up the past and present tenses.