Story Reviews

Review for "At Your Service" by -lovelier

Cover: 

I really like this cover. It has a really adorable vintage feel to it. The letters are bold and they pop, the quality is pretty good too.

Summary: 

You have this really great summary. It's descriptive, yet doesn't give away too much of the plot. But it's inside the book. Big no-no. When a reader clicks on your book they see dialogue and a few sentences that mean nothing to them. Put your summary where it belongs and show case what a wonderful story you have. Also, I would throw in a teaser, because your writing is fabulous and I think your readers should see that in the summary as well.

What I liked: 

HOLY SHIT. Your descriptions are amazing. Hands down. They are so vivid and so clear. I felt like I was sitting in a lime green chair next to Dani in the blistering heat, as she watched her little brothers soccer game. 

 Your descriptions are so amazing, I literally envy you for that. Your writing is very descriptive and dynamic. That's something that a lot of writers seem to struggle with. I even struggle with it. So the fact that you have that down pat, is amazing. Congrats.

Your choice in word use is great: "hustling", "deranging", "ear-splitting", ect, ect, ect.

Your metaphors are funny as hell. I laughed so much during those two chapter's you wrote. "He pranced around proudly, morphing from defective seal to overly excited blind dog." That description made me laugh pretty hard. 

Because you're writing skills are so descriptive and vivid, I liked your characters straight away. I love reading through Dani's POV just because of the way she thinks! It's funny and it's laid back, but detailed. I also, like that Kyla talks like Shakespeare, it just adds to the personality. 

I like that you put a cast and a teaser.

Weaknesses:

I couldn't identify many error's in your writing. Hooray!! There are a few small error's in your writing. I think you just need to go back and look through your story to identify them. I found the most error's in the summary, so maybe, take a look at that first. And for the love of God, put your summary in the description box.

Since your writing is so descriptive and dynamic, it's going to be easy for you to make small grammatical errors such as: " He pranced around proudly, morphing from defective seal to overly excited blind dog." Don't get me wrong, I love this sentence for some reason. It grabbed my attention but, it needs a comma after 'excited'. Because both 'excited' and 'blind' describe the dog, they need a comma to separate them apart.

Also, because your writing is so descriptive it's easy for the reader to get lost in the sentence sometimes. Therefore, when you are editing each chapter, it maybe a good idea to edit out some words that may be unneeded. 

Overall:

You have a wonderful cover, a great summary that needs to be revised and put where it belongs, and a beautifully descriptive/dynamic writing style. You have a beautiful start to this story that hooks readers right away. My only advice is to just look out for those small grammatical error's and to make sure your readers do not get lost in your sentences. But otherwise, I love your writing style and this story. You will be seeing me in your notifications.