He's Beauty | B. Barnes

Just hold on

2 months later
"Why does hydra like the snow so damn much?" I asked trying to create a small fireball, but failing. Damn, low body temperature. I hate the fact that my body has to be at a certain temperature for my fire power to work and not only that I felt sick this morning.

"You are right, Doctor Zola is on the train. Hydra dispatched gave him permission to open up the throttle. Wherever they're going they must need him bad," I heard Gabe explained to Steve and Bucky. "Let's get going cause they're moving like the devil," Falsworth examined from the binoculars.

"We only got bout a ten second window you miss that window, well we'll become bugs on a window," Steve explained fixing his hook on the zip line.

"Mind the gap,"
"Better get moving bug,"

"Just hold on, be safe," I said to Bucky pulling him back of his jacket before he followed Steve, "I mean it. I have a bad feeling about this-" he cut me off with a soft kiss. "I promise I'll be safe. Just stay here with Dum Dum and make sure everything goes right. I love you," before kissing me again and taking off after Steve.

"I love you too," I whispered watching him go and fight side long with his best friend. I know he'll be alright with Steve, but why can't I shake the feeling something will go wrong?
»»»»»»
"They should be coming back by now. Something isn't right, not one bit," I said pacing back and forth holding on to James' dog tag that he gave me. "Don't worry Phoe, everything will be alright and-"

I suddenly felt this most awful pain in my chest as if my heart was ripped into millions of pieces and stomped on, right there and then I knew something had gone wrong and nothing would ever be the same again.

"BUCKY!" I screamed falling onto my knees tears streaming down my face.

Everything moved in slow motion, one minute Dum Dum, Falsworth, and Morita were trying to calm me, the next a powerful force field pushed them back to the mountain and I felt myself lift into the air and screamed like no other bursting out flames from every inch off my body.

Slowly, I fell back onto the cold snow and before falling into a dark abyss I heard someone say, "They have Zola, but Bucky fell. He's gone."
»»»»»»
Numbness. That's all I felt was numb. I threw a force field to anyone who tried to enter my room. I knew I was being selfish because Steve was having it worse than I was. Bucky was his best friend, he's brother and he witnessed him die right before his eyes.
Knock knock.

"Go away Howard," I said knowing it was him at the door.
Squeak.

"Sorry, but I'm not Howard," I turned to see Steve at the doorway. Wiping away the tears with my sleeve, "Steve, sorry I thought you were Howard. Come in," I motioned for him to sit down and that I wouldn't throw a force field at him.

"How are you been-"
"How are you feeling-"

l laughed, "I should be asking you that Steven," sitting up to face him. "Have you read the file?" Steve ask "Didn't need to read it to know it was filled with lies so I burned it," I said pointing to the fireplace in the corner of my room that was still flaming.

I saw him try to smile, but it soon turned into a frown and a tear fall down. "Steve, it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself he wouldn't-"

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF WHAT HE WOULD HAVE WANTED NICKI!? YOU BARELY KNEW HIM! I'VE KNOWN HIM MY WHOLE LIFE, YOU DID NOT! HE ALWAYS DEFENDED YOU WHEN ONE SAID A NEGATIVE THING ABOUT YOU! IT WAS ALWAYS NICOLETTE THIS AND NICOLETTE THAT! HE DIED WANTING TO PROTECT YOU, BUT INSTEAD OF AVENGING HIM YOUR IN HERE CRYING FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF! AND-" Steve stood up yelling at me. "You're right," I said pulling out his dog tags from my desk.

"But you're also wrong," I said looking up from them. "I was pregnant Steve," after I said that his face softed and sat back down on my bed.

"What do you mean WAS, Nicki?" Steve said softly, but enough to where I can hear him. I pulled my legs closer to my chest, "I had a miscarriage that day in the mountains according to the Doctor. I lost the baby due to stress, especially after I bursted up in flames which caused even more stress," I said quietly, but loud enough for him to hear, "No one knew I was pregnant and I haven't told anyone that I miscarriaged either, except you, who I'm telling now. That's why I've locked myself away in my room, because not only did I lose the baby, but because I never told him I was pregnant."
Silence.

"How long were you?"

"Two months,"

More silence.
"You would have made a wonderful mother Nicki and Bucky a wonderful father," Steve finally said cutting the silence. "You would have been a wonderful godfather," I said smiling at Steve. He looked at me surprised.

"What? Did you really think that Bucky and I wouldn't make you the godparent?" I said laughing at his expression. He blinked, finally processed everything he laughed too. Wow, it felt good to laugh, even during the darkest time there is always a way to find a good laugh.