M.shadows daughter

17

I sat in my room silently. it's currently 4 am and I can't sleep. time zones are fucked up. it would be 12 pm in England and I would be waking up about now. I thought about my mum. I miss her so much. even though she didn't pay much attention to me, she is still my mum and I love her. I mean she gave birth to me, fed me and gave me clothes and shelter. what more could I ask for? I have never believed in a God or religion. But I did go to a Christian school and I like to think my mum is safe in heaven and free of pain and worry. I sighed. I rolled over to face the window. everything looked so peaceful. no one was out walking except the occasional drunk, stumbling home from the bar. the sky was a beautiful pale blue with a hint of orange. there were no clouds in the sky. it is kind of relaxing. I checked the time on my phone. 5 am. I've been thinking for an hour. I stood up and opened the curtains fully. I pulled out my notebook. I turned to the last page I used and scanned it. it was a song I started and never finished. I picked up the pen from my bedside table. I sighed and started to write (A/N any songs by A7x written after the rev died are the songs blake writes)

Oh!Hey! Can't you see we're tripping on the wire
Walking through the candy land of our desires
Press the magic button and behold the world you crave
Where's the fun in freedom when it renders you a slave?Pledge allegiance, no flag
God nation, goddamned
The devil dances with the scorned
And how the fire keeps us warmHey! It goes beyond big brother in the sky
Beyond the threat of martial law no Horus eye
No one came to cuff you they just handed you the chains
Blind follows the blind and now the one-eyed man is kingPledge allegiance, no flag
God nation, goddamned
The devil dances with the scorned
And how the fire keeps us warm

that's all I had so far. I sighed and tapped my pen on my chin. why is writing music so hard to do? I carried on like this for about half an hour until I finally got an idea.

Tunnel vision, no man
Damnation, god damn
Can't see the forest for the trees
Can't heal the wound before we bleedNo form of payment, no pot of gold will satisfy the debt of what he's owed
Spilling from the houses in a trance the children lined up on the road
Cursing at the piper as he lured your kids away
And led them to the river for what was their final day
No need for convincing on his pipe he played a song to fool them all
Fooled them allPledge allegiance, no flag
God nation, goddamned
The devil dances with the scorn
And now the fire keeps us (keeps us)Tunnel vision, no man
Damnation, god damn
Can't see the forest for the trees
Can't heal the wound before we bleed

I think that's perfect. I close my notebook and check the time again it was almost 7 am. I sigh and get out of bed. I grab some clean clothes and went to the bathroom to shower. I step in and start to wash my hair. 

once I'm doneI dry myself and put on my outfit. my skin is looking better. my dark circles are starting to clear. my cheeks are getting colour again. I still needed a little makeup though. I put on some concealer, mascara and some lip balm. I am meeting the girls today. I walk back to my room and put on some socks and my classic black vans. I hear Val and the girls chatting downstairs. I sigh. they seem hyper today. "today is gonna be a long day" I say out loud and grab my phone off charge.

I walked downstairs. "hey blake" I hear Val say. I smile and wave at her. " oh my God she's beautiful!" Lacey says. " so this is my twin Michelle, she's Brians wife, Leane, Jimmy's wife, gena, Zacky's girlfriend and lacey, Johnny's girlfriend" Val told me, pointing at each of the women that sat in front of me. " hi" I said and waved. they all said hi and I sat down. I pulled my phone out and saw that I had a text from rosa and max.  I opened rosa's first. 'hey, I miss you xx' it read. I replied with 'i miss you too how is everything at home? xx'. next, I opened max's ' we fucking won!!!!!!!!!!' then another one said ' I love you so frickin much' I smiled and replied. 'fuck yeah and I love you too xx'. the truth was. max is my boyfriend. nobody knows though. only us. obviously! " a boy!" Leane shouted. "is he your boyfriend?" she questioned. yes. "no" I lied. "do you have a boyfriend?" max. "nope" I lied once again. she eyed me suspiciously. "ok..." she said. I'm glad she left it alone. " so shopping?" Val chirped. the girls all nodded apart from me. I hate shopping but I know I have no choice.

we all went in the same car and let me tell you, it was hell! they gossiped more than the girls at our school. Jesus christ. I put one earphone in and pressed shuffle. my generation by limp Bizkit came on. they are absolutely awful but I loved them. they carried on talking about some girl they hate. I rolled my eyes at how childish they act but smiled and chuckled. 

when we arrived the girls all jumped out like ten year old, year six girls going to town by themselves for the first time. I, however, took my time getting out of the car. when I was finally out, gena and Val linked arms with me and practically dragged me to the entrance. once we were in, the girls went straight towards some cutesy, girly store that was covered in so much pink, I wanted to throw up. back in England, you would never catch me in a store like this. here goes my reputation. Is stood there pretending to be busy on my phone. 

eventually, the day was over and we all headed back to 'mine'. I just wanted to go to sleep. when I got back to the house I went straight up to my room hoping to get at least an hours sleep.

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I'm really sorry this is up so late. I have had exams and then a lot of stuff for school and haven't had time to write. any way hope you had a great day. stay safe fren xx