Stay With Me | Hamilphan AU

Chaptire Vingt-Cinq

The following few weeks were the hardest Dan had ever experienced in his life. Most of the time he stayed in his bed, leaving only to get food or go to the toilet. The rest of the time he slept. No one in the Hamilton family was doing well. They were either worrying about him, grieving for Philip or worrying about something or other. Angie was in the middle of a nervous breakdown, so everyone was concerned about her as well. She wasn't dealing with losing Philip very well.

And there had been that one time when Dan had been so close to ending it all...

*flashback* TW: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, EDGE OF SUICIDE

Dan rushed through the streets, tears pouring down his face. He knew people were staring at him but he really couldn't care less. All he cared about was Phil. His beautiful, precious, lovely Phil who had been taken from him. He couldn't take the pain that he was feeling. It was taking him over. For a while he had sat on the edge of a bridge, watching the water gush underneath him. He could just push himself off and let the water swallow him up and it would all be over. He could be with Phil. No more pain, just pure, unending Phil. That was what he wanted, wasn't it? So why hadn't he done it already?

He didn't know how long he had sat on the bridge. An hour, maybe two. He was shivering from the cold, sobs still escaping him. He could practically hear Phil calling him, begging Dan to join him. This was it. He had to do it. Everyone would be much better off. They wouldn't have to worry about him and he wouldn't feel anything any more. No pain, no ache. He would be empty. He'd like to be empty. Dan let out a laugh that sounded insane and weird and then swung his legs in the air, getting a feel for the jump.

"DANIEL JAMES HOWELL GET DOWN FROM ZE LEDGE RIGHT NOW!" A voice screeched. Dan groaned and hung his head.

"Go away Heather."

"How did you know it was me?"

"I've known you for years, I know your voice. Let me do this."

"I don't think so. Get down from zhere, please. For me?" He heard her step forward slowly, probably minding out of the way of carriages.

"I'll do it, Heather. It's what's best. For everyone."

"You really think eet's what's best for everyone? Eet's not going to do anyone any good! What good is eet going to do?"

"I'll be with Phil! And I won't be hurting any more! I don't want to feel any pain any more!" Dan's voice became choked up again.

"I know you don't, Danny. I know, I know. But if you do this, I'm going to feel pain. And so are so many other people. Phil is gone and he'd want you to be happy 'ere. With us. I know you're hurting, but eet'll go away eventually. You'll always miss him but eet won't always be this painful."

"No, I know no one is going to miss me. You're all worried about me, if I go it'll give you less things to worry about," Dan called, looking down at the water again.

"You know that everyone is going to miss you. Please Dan, don't do this. Not to me. I've spent the past 2 hours rushing around the streets of New York to find you. You realise how many names I've been called in that time? You know how worried I was? I thought you would've been long gone by the time I found you. If I found you. I care about you. I know you don't want to do this, not deep down, otherwise you would've done eet already. Phil wouldn't want this."

"You don't know what Phil would've wanted!"

"Think about eet rationally! Would he want you to fix a temporary feeling with a permanent solution?" Dan didn't reply and after a while, he felt a hand on his shoulder, "Come back over here, Dan. Please. For me."